{"id":53377,"date":"2021-11-02T10:19:36","date_gmt":"2021-11-02T14:19:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=53377"},"modified":"2026-04-28T15:47:14","modified_gmt":"2026-04-28T19:47:14","slug":"raising-children-with-grit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/raising-children-with-grit\/","title":{"rendered":"Raising Children With Grit: Tips for Parents"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What exactly is “grit”? Why is it important to cultivate grit in children<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The trait of grit, as described by Angela Duckworth, is the combination of passion and perseverance. It’s an important trait to have because it’s one of the biggest predictors of success. If you want your children to become successful, you should raise them with grit from the beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is what Angela Duckworth has to say about raising children<\/a> with grit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Parent for Grit<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Duckworth notes that the word \u201cparent\u201d has Latin roots meaning \u201cto bring forth,\u201d so that when she discusses \u201cparenting for grit,\u201d she is speaking not only of actual parents raising children with grit, but also of coaches, teachers, business leaders, military leaders, and anyone else who seeks to foster the four elements of grit in others\u2014interest, practice, purpose, and hope. For the purposes of our discussion, though, we\u2019ll use the terms as they apply to parents and children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Four Parenting Styles<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Duckworth argues that there are two spectrums, or axes, on which parenting styles can fall:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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  1. Undemanding versus demanding:<\/strong> This axis is about discipline. This is a measure of the expectations a parent places on their children to achieve goals.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Unsupportive versus supportive:<\/strong> This axis is about emotional support. A supportive parent<\/a> accepts their child as they are for their own strengths and weaknesses and supports their individual goals. An unsupportive parent tries to guide their child toward choices they, the parent, would have made.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    These two axes form a 2×2 grid of parenting styles, giving us four parenting categories: Authoritative, Permissive, Neglectful, and Authoritarian.<\/p>\n\n\n

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    \"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n
    Evolving Terms<\/strong>

    Duckworth renames \u201cauthoritative\u201d as \u201cwise\u201d so as not to confuse it with \u201cauthoritarian,\u201d but psychologists generally use the term \u201cauthoritative\u201d when describing this parenting style. The other three terms Duckworth uses\u2014authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful\u2014are the ones that are in common use among psychologists today.

    Duckworth didn\u2019t originate the theory of the four categories. They were first developed in the 1960s by Diana Baumrind, a researcher at the University of California, who originally distilled them into just three categories<\/a>, not four: authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive. Later, psychologists (along with Baumrind herself) came to see the permissive category as, in fact, two separate categories<\/a>: permissive-indulgent and permissive-indifferent (today better known as \u201cneglectful\u201d or \u201cuninvolved\u201d). 

    Today, psychologists evaluate parenting styles based on how the parent ranks in four measurements: 
    -Maturity demands
    -Control of the child\u2019s behavior
    -Warmth and nurturing
    -Communication (whether or not the child\u2019s opinion is sought and respected)

    These measurements correspond to Duckworth\u2019s axes of discipline and emotional support, also termed     \u201cdemandingness\u201d and \u201cresponsiveness\u201d<\/a> by some psychologists: Discipline incorporates maturity demands and control of behavior, and emotional support incorporates warmth, nurturing, and open communication. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    Authoritative Parenting Leads to Better Outcomes<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Duckworth notes that in the past, many parenting experts advocated for authoritarian parenting\u2014full of rules and discipline but not much emotional support. In more recent years, she says that many parents have reacted to that attitude by going in the complete opposite direction\u2014lots of emotional support but little directional guidance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    She argues, though, that the best parenting method lies in between these two extremes, combining disciplined guidance with emotional support. It\u2019s the parenting style described by the upper right corner of the grid\u2014authoritative<\/em>, or wise<\/em>, parenting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Duckworth contends that authoritative parenting has consistently been shown to be the parenting method that best produces grit in children. In authoritative parenting, parents have high standards and expectations for their children but also offer loving support. Authoritative parenting produces kids who get higher grades, are more self-reliant, and experience less anxiety and depression<\/a>. This is generally true across ethnicity, social class, and marital status.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The effect of authoritative parenting seems to carry on into adulthood. Studies show children of authoritative parents tend to end up with the healthiest behavior as adults:<\/p>\n\n\n\n