{"id":52237,"date":"2021-11-02T11:21:09","date_gmt":"2021-11-02T15:21:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=52237"},"modified":"2025-10-03T11:35:37","modified_gmt":"2025-10-03T15:35:37","slug":"how-to-talk-about-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-talk-about-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk About Yourself: Tips for Telling Your Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you hate talking about yourself? Why do you need to be willing to open up to others to make a connection?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In her book The Fine Art of Small Talk, <\/em>Debra Fine says that conversations should be balanced, meaning you can’t just keep asking your partner questions. Thankfully, you don’t have to go into conversations unprepared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is Fine’s advice on how to talk about yourself and tips on how to tell your story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of\u00a0Shortform\u2019s guide to storytelling<\/a>. If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prepare Personal Anecdotes<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Even if you\u2019ve prepared many questions about the other person, the author says, you\u2019ll eventually have to talk about yourself.<\/strong> You can share your feelings, your opinions about books, restaurants, and movies, or your memories of events and experiences. According to Fine, people will feel resentful if the conversation isn\u2019t balanced, so you need to share as much as you receive. Furthermore, when you talk about yourself, you give others the opportunity to feel connected to you, give them a new topic to speak about, and allow them to share their own related experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In direct contrast to Fine\u2019s advice, many experts suggest you avoid<\/em> talking about yourself<\/a> too much. When you don\u2019t talk about yourself, they say, you listen better\u2014you\u2019re not busy thinking about what to say next. Furthermore, you ask more questions and pay more attention to the answers. To determine whether you need to talk about yourself less or more, ask yourself: Do you already talk about yourself in most conversations? If so, try not<\/em> talking about yourself for the next two days. If, however, you typically avoid<\/em> talking about yourself, follow Fine\u2019s suggestions below and try to do so more often.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t worry that your life isn\u2019t interesting enough to talk about, or about coming across as conceited or self-centered. Fine explains that every ordinary person has experienced something extraordinary;<\/strong> the trick is to look back at your life and pick out the moments that were particularly funny, scary, exciting, or strange. These kinds of events make great conversation material, so prepare a story in advance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Fine doesn\u2019t mention that it\u2019s easiest to talk about yourself when you\u2019re talking about what you enjoy doing<\/em><\/a>. Start by making a list of activities that excite you or make you happy. Go down the list and note any interesting, funny, or impressive things that happened in your pursuit of those activities. Did your love of gardening yield strange fruit? Has a camping trip gone amusingly awry? Were you deeply touched by your volunteer work?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, Fine warns, only disclose information that\u2019s comfortable and uncontroversial; keep it easy, positive, and light, and match the level of intimacy shared by the other person.<\/strong> Creating friendships is a process of building trust<\/a> and intimacy over time\u2014revealing your deepest struggles to total strangers will put them off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Similarly, avoid criticizing yourself in front of others<\/a>. For example, don\u2019t say: \u201cI\u2019m kind of stupid,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019m really awkward,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019m not good at…\u201d Not only do you tell others to see and treat you that way<\/a>\u2014as a person who\u2019s stupid, awkward, incapable, and so on\u2014but you also make them uncomfortable. You put pressure on them to comfort or reassure you, or challenge your negativity. People are looking to make friends, not be your therapist.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tips for Talking About Yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Like Fine, Julie Zhuo\u2014author of The Making of a Manager<\/em><\/a>\u2014says that talking about yourself without being obnoxious is a skill. Here are Zhuo’s tips on how to talk about yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pay attention to how others respond to you.<\/strong> If you notice a spark in your listener\u2019s eye when you mention where you\u2019re from, don\u2019t just blaze past it; connect with them, and find out why it intrigues them!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Realize that nobody can tell your story as well as you can.<\/strong> Nobody understands your passions, your struggles, and your motivations as well as you do, so take charge of your own narrative. It\u2019s nice when others talk about you, but they can only tell a thin slice<\/a> of your tale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Center your stories on \u201cwhys.\u201d<\/strong> It can be tempting to describe, in detail, what<\/em> you\u2019ve done with your life. It\u2019s an easy way to speak at length, but what makes your story unique\u2014and intriguing\u2014is why<\/em> you did what you did. If you left your hometown, engaged in a particular career, or made a certain choice, talk about why<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t hide what\u2019s great about you for the sake of humility.<\/strong> If an impressive detail about your story naturally emerges from the telling, don\u2019t suppress that. If you\u2019re the VP of Marketing, saying \u201cI\u2019m in sales\u201d doesn\u2019t do you any favors\u2014nor is it the whole truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Find authentic, interesting answers to the questions you\u2019re asked most often.<\/strong> For instance, instead of answering a question like \u201cwhat do you do?\u201d with a short, factual statement, try an anecdote. Consider whether you might have a memory that encapsulates your experience in an interesting way. It\u2019s one thing to say \u201cI\u2019m a plumber,\u201d but chances are you\u2019ve got a few stories about tricky plumbing jobs to tell\u2014so tell one!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t hold back: Share your story.<\/strong> Whoever you are, you\u2019ve got a story that\u2019s yours alone, and it deserves to be heard. Give others a chance to hear and understand you, and to celebrate, commiserate, learn, and connect with you. You\u2019ll find you\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you hate talking about yourself? Why do you need to be willing to open up to others to make a connection? In her book The Fine Art of Small Talk, Debra Fine says that conversations should be balanced, meaning you can’t just keep asking your partner questions. Thankfully, you don’t have to go into conversations unprepared. Here is Fine’s advice on how to talk about yourself and tips on how to tell your story.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":52826,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,30],"tags":[524],"class_list":["post-52237","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-work","tag-the-fine-art-of-small-talk","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Talk About Yourself: Tips for Telling Your Story - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you struggle to find the words when someone asks you to talk about yourself? 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