{"id":52229,"date":"2021-10-27T11:35:03","date_gmt":"2021-10-27T15:35:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=52229"},"modified":"2021-11-04T13:04:47","modified_gmt":"2021-11-04T17:04:47","slug":"how-to-give-a-compliment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-give-a-compliment\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Give a Compliment: Tips for Maximum Impact"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Have you ever wanted to compliment someone but felt too awkward to do it? What are the benefits of giving compliments?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Debra Fine, the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk,<\/em> giving compliments actually has many benefits\u2014they can break the ice, help establish rapport, and make people feel appreciated. She defines two types of compliments: deep and shallow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is how to give a compliment<\/a>, according to Debra Fine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The 3 Categories of Compliments<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, we avoid giving compliments because we\u2019re afraid of being awkward or creepy, but in most cases, we\u2019re underestimating the positive impact of sharing them<\/a>. Compliments can serve as icebreakers. They improve our mood and reduce our stress levels. They even activate the same reward circuit in our brains as receiving a financial reward. In her book The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em>, Debra Fine shares some tips on how to give a compliment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fine suggests three main categories of compliments to draw on:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. How they look:<\/strong> Their fashion sense, accessories, or skillfully applied makeup<\/li>
  2. Things they own:<\/strong> Their home or car, and anything on display, like photos and diplomas<\/li>
  3. The way they act:<\/strong> How organized they are in meetings, how brave they were to change careers<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    2 Kinds of Compliment<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    While Fine suggests that there are three types of compliment, others argue that there are two<\/em>, much broader types: superficial and deep<\/a>. Fine doesn\u2019t mention these two categories, so here\u2019s what they are, how they work, and how they correspond to Fine\u2019s types of compliment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Superficial compliments, which are generally about \u201cthings\u201d like objects and body parts, make great icebreakers.<\/strong> You can compliment someone\u2019s shirt, hairstyle, or other worldly possessions without knowing anything about them. Superficial compliments are nice to hear, but at our core, we prefer to be appreciated for who we are<\/em>, rather than what we have<\/em>, so their impact is limited.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Examples of superficial compliments include, <\/strong>\u201cI love the way you\u2019ve laid out your living room! It feels so airy and comforting; you must have put a lot of thought into it.\u201d or, \u201cDude, nice shirt!\u201d
    Fine\u2019s first two categories\u2014compliments about the way people look or the things they own\u2014are \u201csuperficial\u201d compliments. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    In contrast, deep compliments, which are about behaviors, traits, or accomplishments, are difficult to give strangers. <\/strong>They focus on the receiver\u2019s personality or their skills and achievements\u2014so until your conversational partner gives you something to praise, you can\u2019t craft one. A genuine deep compliment can be powerfully touching and memorable, because you\u2019re lauding the person<\/em>, not just their possessions<\/a>. In giving a deep compliment, you highlight something the other person can feel truly proud of; after all, a laudable achievement likely took hard, focused work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    An example of a deep compliment is, <\/strong>\u201cI was impressed by your presentation; you\u2019ve taught me why it\u2019s critical that I dedicate my time to supporting the needs of my staff, and I appreciate the bravery it took to bring that to the board\u2019s attention.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Fine\u2019s third category\u2014compliments about the way people act\u2014falls under the banner of \u201cdeep\u201d compliments. 
    In either case, when you give a compliment, follow these rules to maximize its impact: <\/p>\n\n\n\n