{"id":52220,"date":"2021-10-30T13:49:42","date_gmt":"2021-10-30T17:49:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=52220"},"modified":"2021-11-04T13:07:44","modified_gmt":"2021-11-04T17:07:44","slug":"the-fine-art-of-small-talk-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-fine-art-of-small-talk-review\/","title":{"rendered":"The Fine Art of Small Talk: Review, Context, & Approach"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Is Debra Fine’s book The Fine Art of Small Talk <\/em>worth reading? What did the critics have to say after the book’s release? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Debra Fine, small talk is a skill well worth developing because our careers, romantic prospects, and social lives depend on connecting with other people. It\u2019s difficult to succeed socially without small talk because it establishes the emotional tone of our interactions and helps us gauge how deeply we\u2019d like to connect with each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is our full The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em> review including a discussion about the book’s context, approach, and organization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Fine Art of Small Talk: <\/em>Book Overview<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em>, Debra Fine explains the benefits of mastering small talk and teaches you to confidently converse with strangers. She argues that networking of all kinds is useful on a daily basis: Opportunities to chat with neighbors, coworkers, business prospects, clients, and possible romantic partners abound. Therefore, if you\u2019re not comfortable and confident in engaging in conversation, you\u2019ll miss out on all manner of connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this guide, you\u2019ll learn how to start and maintain conversations with strangers by asking genuine questions, listening attentively, and following up on details. You\u2019ll also learn how to keep your conversation focused and how to make a graceful exit. By the guide\u2019s end, you\u2019ll be prepared to create icebreakers, talk about yourself<\/a>, and make a good impression<\/a>, regardless of the conversation\u2019s context.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About the Author<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Debra Fine is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and internationally recognized communication expert. Fine says she used to dread small talk, public speaking, and meeting strangers until she realized these were skills she could study and practice. After researching and experimenting with small talk, she founded her company, The Fine Art of Small Talk, to teach everyone from mid-level managers to stakeholders communication skills for business and client meetings. From her office in Denver, Colorado, she offers programs on small talk, conversation skills, and networking. She\u2019s also hosted workshops and training seminars all over the United States, Europe, and Asia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fine has shared her expertise with thousands of clients from Fortune 500 companies, professional groups, and major universities\u2014Google, Lockheed Martin, the American Bar Association, and the Texas Association of School Boards among them. She\u2019s also shared her insights on small talk on The Today Show, NPR Morning Edition, Fox Business News, and CNN.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Book\u2019s Publication<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em><\/a> was published in 2005 by Hachette Books<\/a>. An ebook version<\/a> was published by Hyperion later the same year, as well as an audiobook<\/a>. Since 2005, the book has been translated and published in more than 20 countries. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since the publication of The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em> in 2005, Fine has expanded the Fine Art series to include two more books. The Fine Art of the Big Talk<\/em><\/a> is a book for administrators, managers, and CEOs, detailing how to have tough conversations with suppliers<\/a>, bosses, and subordinates. She wrote her latest book, Beyond Texting<\/em><\/a>, to help teenagers\u2014particularly those used to communicating online\u2014master face-to-face communication. Of all of Fine\u2019s books, The Fine Art<\/em> remains her most successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intellectual Context<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The questions of how to start a conversation<\/a> and how to keep one going are likely as old as communication itself, and they continue to be debated today. Countless blogs, forums, podcasts, and authors have contributed to this discussion, with great interest from listeners and readers. For example, Dale Carnegie\u2019s How to Win Friends and Influence People<\/em><\/a> has sold over 30 million copies since its publication in 1936 and, in 2011, was number 19 on Time Magazine<\/em><\/a>\u2019s list of the 100 most influential books.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What makes Fine\u2019s advice stand out from other famous books on communication is that she focuses on the details of small talk rather than a high-level overview of conversation. Where Dale Carnegie, for example, operates on a meta level, discussing the ends for which conversation is a means, Fine directly explains what to say, how to say it, and who to say it to. She gives example dialogues, provides her readers with lists of questions to ask and statements to follow up with, and prepares you for the work of conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often, the people who produce small talk and conversational-skill-related content come from a business background. Their intended audience tends to be businesspeople, managers, or aspiring businesspeople and managers. In short, they come from a world in which small talk is ubiquitous, necessary, and purposeful. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In contrast, Fine\u2014while she has since become<\/em> a businessperson and manager\u2014was initially an engineer, a career-class perhaps hyperbolically famous for drawing poor conversationalists. Her claim to authority on the topic of small talk is arguably grounded in the fact that small talk didn\u2019t <\/em>always come naturally to her\u2014she developed her skill by reading books, studying those around her, and experimenting. Her message is: \u201cI wasn\u2019t<\/em> an expert, but I became one. If I can do it, you can, too\u2014no matter who you are<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Book\u2019s Impact<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps the greatest indicator of The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em>\u2019s impact is that ten years after its publication, people still invite Fine to talk about it on podcasts<\/a> and in articles. For instance, in July 2020, The Rotarian<\/em><\/a> featured her in an article about using small talk to reconnect with others post-pandemic<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, during the Covid-19 pandemic, when communication became more difficult due to enforced isolation, many publications turned to Fine for advice on conversing in these challenging circumstances. For example, a May 2021 article on MarketWatch<\/a> highlighted Fine\u2019s recommendation that we avoid gloomy hand-wringing to keep our conversations uplifting<\/a>. Similarly, a Huffpost article published a month prior focused on Fine\u2019s recommendation that we prepare conversation topics in advance of a conversation<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Critical Reception<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The online reviews of The Fine Art of Small Talk<\/em> are primarily positive. Those who praise it note that Fine\u2019s suggestions are highly actionable, that she presumes no prior knowledge, and that she provides copious guidance on the navigation of a conversation. Those who feel helpless<\/a> at small talk express particular appreciation for Fine\u2019s tips on coming up with conversational topics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meanwhile, the most common complaints from reviewers are that the book is repetitive, that it\u2019s full of anecdotal fluff, and that the example questions, icebreakers, and conversation topics are often awkward or robotic. (In some cases, the examples suffer simply because they\u2019re dated: Asking \u201chow has the internet affected your life\u201d would not have elicited the same scorn in 2008 as it might today, for example.) Finally, some readers claim that Fine\u2019s recommendations are just common sense<\/a> and therefore unworthy of a book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Commentary on the Book\u2019s Approach<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Fine writes in a clear, logical style, explaining why small talk<\/a> matters, what purpose it serves, and how to approach it. She frequently provides example dialogues to show how a principle should be applied. Furthermore, she often includes anecdotes about how applying her principles of small talk helped her<\/em> achieve her goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Generally, chapters begin with a small recap, an introduction to the main point<\/a>, and an anecdote. Fine explains the issue at hand\u2014the importance of listening<\/a> visibly, for example\u2014by describing a personal experience in which it went badly, explaining the mechanics and value of the principle before describing how to put it into practice. This provides context for the lessons she shares and helps to explain their use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each chapter typically includes lists of questions, conversation-openers or closers, or topics to bring up or avoid in various contexts. Chapter 2, for instance, ends with 70 icebreaker questions for business and social settings. As reviewers noted, in many cases, these example questions are strange, awkward, or stilted. You might never ask another person, for instance, to \u201ctell you about one of [their] favorite relatives\u201d or what they\u2019d like to be reincarnated as. However, these lists can be helpful in showing that there\u2019s a lot we can talk to each other about. Indeed, they arguably illustrate one of Fine\u2019s primary points\u2014that often, the fact that we\u2019re talking to each other at all is more important than what we\u2019re talking about<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Commentary on the Book\u2019s Organization<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Fine presents each principle in order, in a generally logical fashion: She walks the reader step-by-step through the process of conversation, from opening to exit, albeit with a few detours along the way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fine opens by explaining the value of small talk in business, family, dating, and social settings, and she follows up with a discussion of what makes it so scary for many of us. Next, she explains how to introduce yourself<\/a> and start a conversation, how to keep that conversation flowing smoothly, and how to listen<\/a> actively and stay engaged. She then describes how we can prepare for conversations<\/a> and events in advance, how to appear confident and self-assured, and behaviors and attitudes to avoid. She closes the main section of the book by explaining how to gracefully exit a conversation<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The final chapters re-apply the principles to specific contexts: to networking events, the singles dating scene, client interactions, and family holiday parties.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is Debra Fine’s book The Fine Art of Small Talk worth reading? What did the critics have to say after the book’s release? According to Debra Fine, small talk is a skill well worth developing because our careers, romantic prospects, and social lives depend on connecting with other people. It\u2019s difficult to succeed socially without small talk because it establishes the emotional tone of our interactions and helps us gauge how deeply we\u2019d like to connect with each other. Here is our full The Fine Art of Small Talk review including a discussion about the book’s context, approach, and organization.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":42036,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,458],"tags":[524],"class_list":["post-52220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-review","tag-the-fine-art-of-small-talk","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Fine Art of Small Talk: Review, Context, & Approach - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you thinking of reading The Fine Art of Small Talk? 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