{"id":51637,"date":"2021-10-18T12:48:41","date_gmt":"2021-10-18T16:48:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=51637"},"modified":"2021-10-30T20:34:59","modified_gmt":"2021-10-31T00:34:59","slug":"how-to-deal-with-shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-shame\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Shame of Failure"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How do you deal with shame? Why is shame inevitable in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/innovative-organizations\/\">innovative organizations<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You learn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dealing-with-shame\/\">how to deal with shame<\/a> when you accept that it is universal, and you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eckhart-tolle-relationships-how-to-be-present\/\">connect with others<\/a> to work through it and learn from it. Innovative organizations can\u2019t completely resist shame because failure is a natural by-product of constant invention, and shame is largely caused by failure.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to fully understand how to deal with shame.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Dealing With Shame<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, it\u2019s not possible for innovative cultures to completely resist shame, as it\u2019s a natural byproduct of risk and failure. It\u2019s possible, however, to master how to deal with shame\u2014the process of feeling, understanding, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feeling-ashamed\/\">overcoming shame<\/a>. <strong>Knowing how to deal with shame is an essential skill in brave leadership\u2014normalizing and encouraging discussion around shame allows you to consciously work through it and learn from it, instead of letting it unconsciously manifest as defensive, unproductive behaviors.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are four steps to mastering how to deal with shame: 1) recognizing shame, 2) seeing the big picture, 3) <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-connect-with-people\/\">connecting with others<\/a>, and 4) talking about shame.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Recognizing shame<\/strong> is simply being able to recognize your physical symptoms of shame. Shame presents physically in different ways for everyone\u2014maybe you have heart palpitations and clenched fists, or have a sudden, urgent need to go for a walk around the block. This first step of recognizing when your physical reaction to shame appears is important because it signals you to check in with yourself and make sure you\u2019re not unconsciously resorting to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/defensive-behavior-in-the-workplace\/\">defensive behaviors<\/a>.\u00a0<\/li><li><strong>Seeing the big picture<\/strong> is recognizing that shame is universal. Part of shame\u2019s power lies in its loneliness, so you can fight against it by thinking about how universal the feeling of shame is, even if the experiences that cause it look very different. For example, shame can have various causes such as having your opinion dismissed by more senior people in a meeting; yelling at your children; or having friends invest in your new business, then closing a year later.\u00a0<\/li><li><strong>Connecting with others and talking openly about shame<\/strong> go hand in hand\u2014recall that building trusting connections and sharing vulnerability are an exchange. If you don\u2019t take part in this exchange, instead choosing to ignore your shame and think you\u2019re the only person who suffers from it, you\u2019ll feed into shame\u2019s power to make you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feeling-unworthy\/\">feel unworthy<\/a> of connection or belonging. Open up about your experience with someone you trust and whose opinion you value\u2014such as a mentor, a spouse, or a colleague\u2014and express what you need in support from them. Talking about your experience, learning about their similar experience, and getting the support you need gives you the strength to deal with shame, knowing that you\u2019re not alone in it.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Combat Shame With Empathy&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If someone having difficulty <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-shame-2\/\">dealing with shame<\/a> reaches out to you to talk about shame, it\u2019s important to know how to respond with supportive <em>empathy<\/em>. This skill is crucial in innovative cultures, because people are more willing to take risks and show vulnerability when they know that they\u2019ll be supported through their struggles.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Effective empathy is <em>not<\/em> \u201cmaking things better.\u201d Rather, empathy is seeing the perspective of someone else, and connecting to their emotions about a tough experience. Since you\u2019re connecting to their emotions\u2014not to the experience itself\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter if you\u2019ve gone through the same struggle or not. You just need to have felt the same emotions at some point in your life.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This connection with someone else\u2019s emotions makes empathy a vulnerable choice, because you must connect with those same emotions in yourself, and speak to the person from that place. As can be expected with shame, the emotions you\u2019ll have to call on are painful ones, such as fear, loneliness, or disappointment. It\u2019s incredibly tempting to avoid the potential pain of empathy by spouting off advice or making an attempt to \u201cfix\u201d everything simply\u2014you can resist this temptation by practicing your <em>empathy skills<\/em> so that you can show up with courage when you need to.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you deal with shame? Why is shame inevitable in innovative organizations? You learn how to deal with shame when you accept that it is universal, and you connect with others to work through it and learn from it. Innovative organizations can\u2019t completely resist shame because failure is a natural by-product of constant invention, and shame is largely caused by failure.\u00a0 Read more to fully understand how to deal with shame.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":27501,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,14,9],"tags":[516],"class_list":["post-51637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-management","category-psychology","tag-dare-to-lead","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Deal With Shame of Failure - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Organizations must learn how to deal with shame because failure is a by-product of constant invention. 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