{"id":51633,"date":"2021-10-17T12:51:29","date_gmt":"2021-10-17T16:51:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=51633"},"modified":"2021-10-21T13:10:55","modified_gmt":"2021-10-21T17:10:55","slug":"what-does-shame-feel-like","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/","title":{"rendered":"Shame Psychology: What Does Shame Feel Like?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What does shame feel like? How do you deal with the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/effects-of-shame\/\">effects of shame<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Shame feels like a deep negative emotion that reaches your core. It is a painful and really frightening emotion. It tells you that you deserve failure, and that your bad actions are who you inherently are. Recognizing what shame feels like will help you accept it and work through it with a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-have-a-positive-mindset\/\">positive mindset<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to fully discover what shame feels like, and how it differs from other negative emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Does Shame Feel Like?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Many <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/defensive-behavior-in-the-workplace\/\">defensive behaviors<\/a> in the workplace are, at their core, about avoiding the threat of <em>shame<\/em>\u2014the feeling that something you\u2019ve done (or not done), a goal you haven\u2019t achieved, or an ideal you didn\u2019t measure up to makes you a flawed person unworthy of connection, love, or belonging.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Shame touches your core, telling you that you deserve failure, are deeply alone, and that your bad actions are not just behaviors, but who you inherently are. It\u2019s sometimes grouped with other negative emotions such as guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment, which are usually short-lived and relatively superficial. However, it\u2019s important to understand what shame feels like and how it differs from these emotions\u2014it\u2019s much more painful and frightening, and therefore much more powerful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Shame is not the same as guilt. <\/strong>Guilt happens when you act against your values, giving you the feeling that you\u2019ve <em>done<\/em> something bad. It may <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/be-uncomfortable\/\">be uncomfortable<\/a>, but it\u2019s usually a valuable learning experience that reminds you of your values, and prompts an apology or behavioral changes. Shame, on the other hand, is the feeling that you <em>are<\/em> bad and usually doesn\u2019t reveal any sort of learning experience\u2014instead of making changes, you believe that you\u2019re inherently a bad person, incapable of doing better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Shame is not the same as humiliation. <\/strong>Humiliation is short-lived and externalized\u2014you don\u2019t feel bad about yourself, but rather about how you\u2019ve been treated in a situation. Shame, on the other hand, is deep-rooted and internalized\u2014you feel bad because you believe <em>you <\/em>are the problem. Imagine you were publicly chastised for missing a deadline. Humiliation would look like, \u201cI didn\u2019t deserve to be called out in front of everyone.\u201d Shame, however, would look like, \u201cI was called out because I am a failure.\u201d Humiliation doesn\u2019t usually feel deserved, but shame always does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Shame is not the same as embarrassment. <\/strong>Embarrassment is a fleeting emotion that you know is universal. Usually, like falling down the stairs in middle school, it can even be funny in the future. Shame, however, is very lonely\u2014you believe you\u2019re the only person to have experienced it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Knowing what shame feels like helps you recognize the particular power of shame and how easily it drives emotional reactivity, more than any other negative emotion. <strong>You can stay ahead of the effects of shame in your work culture by teaching your team how to face the vulnerability of shame and work through it.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does shame feel like? How do you deal with the effects of shame? Shame feels like a deep negative emotion that reaches your core. It is a painful and really frightening emotion. It tells you that you deserve failure, and that your bad actions are who you inherently are. Recognizing what shame feels like will help you accept it and work through it with a positive mindset. Read on to fully discover what shame feels like, and how it differs from other negative emotions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":44171,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,30],"tags":[516],"class_list":["post-51633","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-work","tag-dare-to-lead","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Shame Psychology: What Does Shame Feel Like? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What does shame feel like? 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Here is why shame is such a painful and frightening emotion, and how to accept and work through it.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-10-17T16:51:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-10-21T17:10:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/failure-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Joseph Adebisi\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Joseph Adebisi\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Joseph Adebisi\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d8daf45671a09e8745a7a9f50a03b2a0\"},\"headline\":\"Shame Psychology: What Does Shame Feel Like?\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-10-17T16:51:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-10-21T17:10:55+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/\"},\"wordCount\":519,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/failure-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Dare to Lead\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\",\"Work\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/\",\"name\":\"Shame Psychology: What Does Shame Feel Like? - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-shame-feel-like\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/failure-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-10-17T16:51:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-10-21T17:10:55+00:00\",\"description\":\"What does shame feel like? 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