{"id":50358,"date":"2021-09-18T04:30:00","date_gmt":"2021-09-18T08:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=50358"},"modified":"2025-09-03T14:27:05","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T18:27:05","slug":"codependenr-mother-and-son-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/codependenr-mother-and-son-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"The Codependent Mother-Son Relationship, Explained"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is a codependent mother and son relationship? How does it affect men in their adulthood?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In No More Mr. Nice Guy,<\/em> Dr. Robert Glover<\/a> writes about the impact of unhealthy parental relationships<\/a>. The codependent mother and son relationship is an example of this and is characterized by harmful attachments, clinginess, and control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn more about the codependent mother and son relationship below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of Shortform\u2019s guide to emotional intelligence<\/a>. If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unhealthy Mother and Son Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In No More Mr. Nice Guy<\/em>, Dr. Robert Glover explains what a Nice Guy is. Essentially, a Nice Guy is someone who tries hard to appear nice, but beneath this, he is actually insecure, underconfident, and repressed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover noticed that although each Nice Guy he worked with came from a different background, each one arrived at the same conclusion: \u201cI\u2019m not acceptable as I am.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

He then delves into a handful of his patients\u2019 childhoods, showing what parental relationships led to a man becoming a Nice Guy. In particular, Glover noticed that they often have lonely, clingy mothers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this case, <\/strong>even if both parents were present, they likely weren\u2019t affectionate with each other. Emotionally starved mothers often lean heavily on their children for support, which can lead to Nice Guys developing a codependent mother and son relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover, Nice Guys who grew up with emotionally needy mothers remain devoted to them in adulthood. This relationship is normal and healthy in boyhood, but eventually, boys must grow up and bond with men to become healthy, masculine adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ideally, Glover says, a boy becomes a man with help from his mother and father:<\/strong> His mother attends to his needs as a child. It\u2019s her job to discourage dependency\u2014including her own\u2014by ensuring her needs are met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His father\u2019s job is to be present and actively bond with his son, which guides the boy from a matriarchal sphere of influence into the world of men<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, Glover noticed many Nice Guys don\u2019t go through this transition. Without a strong paternal presence, a codependent mother and son relationship develops.<\/strong> Unable to individuate from his mother, a momma\u2019s boy grows up to be a momma\u2019s man. Glover has witnessed these Nice Guys struggle in future intimate relationships, as their partners realize their attention and devotion lie elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iron John<\/em> and the Transition of Boys to Men<\/strong>

Glover isn’t the only author to discuss the idea that boys must be ushered into manhood by their fathers. Robert Bly also touches on this topic in Iron John: A Book About Men<\/em><\/a> (1990), a book often discussed as a logical predecessor to Glover\u2019s No More Mr. Nice Guy<\/em>. The book focuses on the development of the \u201csoft male\u201d in the 1950s, while trying to reclaim a masculine identity Bly and Glover agree has been somewhat lost to time.

Like Glover, Bly notes that boys must be initiated into adulthood with the help of their fathers. Unlike Glover, Bly says it\u2019s a son\u2019s<\/em> job to break away from his mother, as she won\u2019t consciously release him to the dangerous world until he proves he can handle it<\/a>. With this goal in mind, Bly stresses the importance of initiating a boy into the sphere of men. In many cultures, coming-of-age rituals will do this by 1. simulating a separation between a boy and his parents and 2. teaching a boy to tend to his \u201cwounds\u201d (physical, emotional, or otherwise) in a healthy way.

Similar to what Glover observed in Nice Guys, Bly says a boy who never experiences this kind of initiation may adopt the role of a victim because he has no productive means of dealing with his wounds and overcoming his codependent mother and son relationship.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Do Narcissistic Parents Produce Nice Guys?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In addition to Glover’s exploration of harmful codependent mother and son relationships, some readers have noted how the typical Nice Guy upbringing closely resembles their experience growing up with narcissistic parents.<\/strong> For instance, narcissistic mothers are often \u201cclingy\u201d and rely on their children for emotional support<\/a>. This can lead to a harmful codependent mother and son relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therapist Kathy Caprino notes that narcissistic parents\u2014with their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy\u2014often raise people-pleasing children with low self-esteem and an inability to set boundaries.<\/a> She further explains that adult children of narcissists are so used to experiencing conditional love <\/em>from their parents\u2014love that\u2019s dependent on a child meeting certain standards\u2014that they rarely recognize their concept of a healthy relationship involves repression, manipulation, and unrealistic expectations<\/a>.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As self-doubting, approval-seeking, manipulative individuals, Nice Guys appear to have reached a similar outcome as those raised by narcissistic parents. In fact, The Awareness Centre\u2019s<\/a> resource for adult children of narcissists states the primary belief held by those raised under such circumstances is: \u201cI\u2019m not good enough.\u201d<\/a> As this way of thinking reflects the Nice Guy mindset, we could add narcissistic parents as one of the many environments that could shape Nice Guys.<\/strong> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is a codependent mother and son relationship? How does it affect men in their adulthood? In No More Mr. Nice Guy, Dr. Robert Glover writes about the impact of unhealthy parental relationships. The codependent mother and son relationship is an example of this and is characterized by harmful attachments, clinginess, and control. Learn more about the codependent mother and son relationship below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":18934,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,9],"tags":[506],"class_list":["post-50358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-psychology","tag-no-more-mr-nice-guy","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Codependent Mother-Son Relationship, Explained - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A codependent mother and son relationship has harmful consequences for the son as he grows older. 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