{"id":50349,"date":"2021-09-20T04:33:00","date_gmt":"2021-09-20T08:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=50349"},"modified":"2021-10-04T12:07:40","modified_gmt":"2021-10-04T16:07:40","slug":"best-sex-tips-for-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/best-sex-tips-for-men\/","title":{"rendered":"Dr. Robert Glover’s 10 Best Sex Tips for Men"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What are the best sex tips for men? How can following these tips lead to a better sex life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In No More Mr. Nice Guy<\/em>, Dr. Robert Glover<\/a> offers his step-by-step plan for getting what you want in love, sex, and life. Glover\u2019s best sex tips for men are not just about performing better in bed but are also about how to have a healthier, more empowering relationship with sex.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read his ten best sex tips for men below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Dr. Robert Glover\u2019s Best Sex Tips for Men<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Glover says that for many men the pinnacle of approval <\/strong>is sex. But the following issues\u2014combined with their lack of self-acceptance and their tendency to ignore their own needs\u2014almost always ensure these men miss out on satisfying sex.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are his best sex tips for men, that focus on a healthier and more confident relationship with sex:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Don\u2019t Assume You Know What Women Want<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover, many men incorrectly assume a woman is sexually available so long as she\u2019s in a good mood.<\/strong> This makes them think they\u2019re likely to be \u201crewarded\u201d with sex if they can keep a woman from getting angry and fix all her immediate problems. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In 2008, a qualitative review examined multiple studies on how different genders perceived others\u2019 sexual availability. Most of the reviewed studies found men more likely to assign sexual intent to behaviors and actions than women (even if the behaviors or actions in question were not sexual)<\/a>. While the result of these kinds of misconceptions can<\/em> be as harmful as sexual assault, they may also lead to much less serious outcomes, such as minor embarrassment. If the average man is already more likely to misread \u201csexual\u201d signs from women, we can assume the average Nice Guy\u2014with his skewed belief that \u201cbad mood = sexually unavailable\u201d\u2014isn\u2019t as skilled at interpreting women\u2019s behavior as he may think.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Have Confidence<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Glover emphasizes that women aren\u2019t attracted to \u201cjerks,\u201d as many men assume. Rather, they\u2019re attracted to fully realized, confident, independent humans. He states that when men grapple with simultaneous feelings of worthiness (\u201cI\u2019m so nice\u201d) and unworthiness (\u201cBut I\u2019m so bad\u201d), their inner tension leads to a suppression of the self that can make them appear tense and boring. Ultimately, trying too hard to be \u201cnice,\u201d \u201cright,\u201d and \u201cgood\u201d all the time makes for a lifeless (and thus unattractive) shell of a person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Why do we find confidence so attractive? It has a lot to do with our own self-esteem.<\/a> When someone is confident, we tend to assume good things about their skills and personality, often believing that they\u2019re good at all the things we\u2019re bad at. We\u2019re thus drawn to them, as we feel they can protect or look after us. People who are less confident are especially drawn to those who are positive, capable leaders, and confidence is a major indicator of these traits.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Address Sexual Shame<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps the most important of Glover’s sex tips for men is addressing sexual shame<\/a>. In childhood, Glover says many men used arousal as a form of distraction from stress and loneliness<\/a>. Thus, compulsions like porn and masturbation became crutches in times of discomfort.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover explains that as children, they thought they were bad for being sexual and therefore practiced their sexuality in secret.<\/strong> In adulthood, they still feel ashamed of their sexual impulses and habits. Because they\u2019re afraid of getting caught, they exert a disproportionate amount of time and energy concealing their sexuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Effects of Sexual Shame<\/strong>

Sexual shame can have serious effects on your mental (or even physical) health. Glover mentions this type of guilt is likely to lead to sexual addictions, but here are a few more outcomes as explained by clinical social worker Rachel Keller<\/a>:

Decreased sexual arousal or pleasure:<\/strong> Mental blocks<\/a> can prevent your natural sexual responses from functioning properly. Arousal and pleasure may be buried so deeply beneath a layer of shame that they have a hard time coming to the surface.

Feelings of disgust:<\/strong> When guilt and shame are tied to sex and the body from an early age, you may respond to things we deem sexual with disgust. This includes being repulsed by your body, genitals, or desires. Being disgusted with bodily functions may cause you to ask, \u201cIs something wrong with me?\u201d even if what you\u2019re experiencing is natural.

Psychological splitting<\/a>:<\/strong> If you actively conceal your sexuality\u2014as Glover says many men do\u2014this sexual part of yourself<\/a> may \u201csplit off\u201d from the rest of you, thus enforcing a \u201cbad\u201d self and a \u201cgood\u201d self. This will only increase feelings of shame and a need for secrecy, as your \u201cgood\u201d self continues to judge your \u201cbad\u201d self.

Problems with communication:<\/strong> Discussing things you\u2019re ashamed of is particularly hard, so trying to work through issues in your sex life in these circumstances often leads to frustration, shutting down, and avoiding the real issues out of embarrassment.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

4) Don\u2019t Settle for Bad Sex<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover, some men will distract from their own shame and anxiety by focusing solely on their partner\u2019s pleasure. This may sound generous, but it guarantees a one-way sexual experience in which their partner isn\u2019t able to reciprocate. Partner-focused sex also causes men to keep doing what \u201cworks,\u201d which leads to repetitive sexual routines.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover explains that a man may also engage his partner in half-hearted sex through manipulative or sneaky tactics. He thinks if he focuses hard enough on pleasing her, she won\u2019t get mad at him and will enthusiastically reciprocate. But this tactic only leads to frustrating sex. Still, to many men, bad sex is better than no sex<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Despite the similarities between Glover\u2019s Ideal Man and Deida\u2019s Superior Man, these authors\u2019 approaches to sex are quite different. While, as we\u2019ve seen, Glover discourages <\/em>the Ideal Man<\/a> from partner-focused sex, Deida encourages <\/em>the opposite. He suggests the Superior Man turn his focus outward<\/em> by prioritizing connection with his woman over his own pleasure<\/a>, as he believes the complete union of masculine and feminine energy<\/a> is the ultimate goal of sex. Glover, on the other hand, believes pleasure<\/em> is the main objective.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover, men who settle for bad (incongruous, passionless) sex will likely keep having bad sex. If they continue to accept lazy, passive lovemaking, it will become the default.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These men won\u2019t have good sex until they can say \u201cno\u201d to bad sex.<\/strong> But what does \u201cgood sex\u201d look like to Glover?<\/p>\n\n\n\n