{"id":50284,"date":"2021-10-05T08:36:00","date_gmt":"2021-10-05T12:36:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=50284"},"modified":"2021-10-07T08:36:50","modified_gmt":"2021-10-07T12:36:50","slug":"dating-a-nice-guy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/","title":{"rendered":"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a “Nice Guy”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is dating a “nice guy” like? Are self-proclaimed \u201cnice guys\u201d actually as nice as they say they are?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Dr. Robert Glover<\/a>, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, many men who claim they are \u201cNice Guys\u201d are actually far from nice. Glover\u2019s conception of a Nice Guy doesn\u2019t refer to someone who is kind and genuine, but someone who is insecure, people-pleasing, manipulative, and repressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to find out if you’re dating a nice guy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Are You Dating a Nice Guy?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Here are seven signs you’re dating a Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover’s definition:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) He Relies on Your Approval<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you’re dating a Nice Guy, the first think you’ll spot is that they need your approval. Glover indicates that even more so than other attachments, Nice Guys connect their self-worth to the moods, behaviors, and approval of women <\/strong>(be it their partner, mother, teacher, and so on). <\/strong>This may cause a Nice Guy to focus solely on his partner\u2019s emotions and opinions (while ignoring his own), but Glover points out that, somewhat concerningly, Nice Guys place women on such a high pedestal (almost to a God-like degree) that they switch between treating ladies with either intense adoration or resentful fury.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you spend time on social media, you\u2019ve probably seen screencaps from dating and social media apps<\/a> that demonstrate this behavior: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One minute, a Nice Guy politely reaches out to a woman with adoring compliments. After no response, the Nice Guy changes his tune and lashes out with slurs, insults, and negative generalizations about all women. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop Putting Her on a Pedestal<\/strong>

According to counselor and coach Michael J. Formica, the act of idealizing another person (for instance, in the way that Nice Guys idealize women) actually robs them of their personhood<\/a>. By making them \u201cperfect,\u201d we fail to see their humanity and begin to view them as an object. 
Here\u2019s how you can stop putting the women in your life\u2014and people in general\u2014on a pedestal:

Embrace imperfection<\/a>:<\/strong> If we can view ourselves and those around us as authentically as possible, we\u2019ll see the imperfect reality of the world. From here, we can accept others\u2014not as a perfect object\u2014but as human<\/em><\/a>. 

Stop gushing:<\/strong> Compliment your partner and tell her you love her, but don\u2019t overdo it. According to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, subjects felt uncomfortable when they were led to believe their partner perceived them in a far more<\/em> positive light than they did themselves<\/a> (some were so unsettled, they sat farther away from their partner after learning of their apparent intense adoration). Instead of something like \u201cYou\u2019re the best person I\u2019ve ever met,\u201d try to acknowledge her successes, talents, and the little things she does for you and your relationship.

Work on yourself:<\/strong> Like many of the issues discussed in this guide, idealizing others often stems from childhood relationships or trauma carried into adulthood<\/a>. By reflecting on your past, taking time to love yourself (flaws and all), and acknowledging when you\u2019re in love with the idea of her (rather than her as a person), you can more easily remove her from that pedestal.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

2) He Gets Defensive<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you’re dating a Nice Guy, he’ll likely be very defensive. Nice Guys want to avoid disapproval<\/em> as much as they want to gain approval.<\/strong> To stave off conflict and criticism, Glover explains that Nice Guys go out of their way to hide their true selves, including perceived flaws (like being late or sad) or everyday parts of being human (like having sexual desires). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover discusses a variety of (conscious and unconscious) tactics Nice Guys use to avoid their \u201cbad\u201d selves, but they can be distilled into one goal: Don\u2019t address problems\u2014fix reactions. <\/strong>According to Glover, Nice Guys have trouble accepting responsibility<\/a> for their actions. They don\u2019t admit fault or address their wrongdoings when they mess up. Instead, he says Nice Guys want to quickly fix the <\/strong>reactions<\/em><\/strong> to their mistakes rather than the problem at hand.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover takes us through some of the behaviors Nice Guys fall back on when they\u2019re \u201cfound out\u201d or forced to confront their mistakes. To demonstrate this response, let\u2019s say a Nice Guy\u2019s wife asks if he remembered to take out the trash (he didn\u2019t). Instead of owning his mistake and saying, \u201cSorry, I didn\u2019t<\/em>. I\u2019ll handle that now,\u201d the Nice Guy might\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Justify:<\/strong> \u201cI already did the laundry today, so what\u2019s the big deal?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Defend:<\/strong> \u201cI was just about to do it. You don\u2019t need to remind me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Excuse:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve just been really busy and I thought we were out of trash bags.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Nice Guy may also try to rationalize their behavior by bringing up the other person\u2019s mistakes and flaws, or by blaming the other person for the mistake. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why We Get Defensive (and How to Stop)<\/strong>

Why do Nice Guys react to conflict or criticism this way? In his book First Things First<\/em><\/a>, Stephen Covey notes that we often respond with excuses and rationalization when what we want<\/em> to hear differs from what our conscience tells us is right<\/em><\/a>. In the case above, the Nice Guy responds this way because his conscience knows he neglected a responsibility, but he doesn\u2019t want to hear his wife point it out (or take out the trash at that moment).

To deal with this inner tension, the Nice Guy must explain\u2014both to his wife and himself\u2014why he\u2019s acting against his better judgment. According to Covey, these are the best ways to avoid this type of behavior: Recognize how you typically respond to this kind of inner tension\u2014are you an over-explainer? Someone who gets defensive? Listen to your conscience when it\u2019s trying to tell you something. Make principle-centered<\/em> choices, as strong values keep you on track.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

3) He Uses Covert Contracts<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Glover asserts that Nice Guys\u2019 \u201cgenerosity\u201d almost always comes with strings attached.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover, Nice Guys assume covert contracts work like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do something for you \u2192 You do something for me \u2192 We both walk away satisfied, pretending our needs and this transaction never existed<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A common example of a covert contract is giving a compliment<\/a> just to hear one back<\/em>. When you get a new haircut and no one notices, you might compliment a coworker\u2019s hairstyle to prompt a similar compliment. In this case, your kind words didn\u2019t come from a genuine place but <\/strong>from a personal need for external validation<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why We\u2019re Manipulated By Covert Contracts<\/strong>

Although Glover says covert contracts often leave Nice Guys disappointed, we do see them \u201cwork\u201d to an extent in our day-to-day lives (see our example above). When we hear \u201cI love you,\u201d we\u2019re compelled to say \u201cI love you\u201d back. If a coworker surprises you with a holiday gift and you\u2019re empty-handed, you feel guilty for not giving them something in return. You feel like you owe them<\/em> despite knowing you never agreed to exchange gifts. What makes us feel this way?

It has to do with what Robert Cialdini\u2014in his book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion<\/em><\/a>\u2014calls the reciprocity principle<\/a><\/em>. According to Cialdini, this principle is the innate indebtedness we feel when someone does something for us<\/a> (even if we didn\u2019t need or want that something in the first place). 

Although Cialdini discusses this principle in relation to business and customer relationships, we can apply it to our interactions with covert contracts. Concepts of fairness\u2014like \u201cI scratch your back, you scratch mine\u201d\u2014are so ingrained in our daily lives that we\u2019re already in a position to be manipulated when presented with the \u201cgiving\u201d end of a covert contract.<\/strong> Covert contracts can \u201cwork\u201d on us because they take advantage<\/em> of our reciprocal nature.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Glover defines caretaking<\/em> as spending all your time attending to other people\u2019s needs so that you can avoid your problems, have your needs met, or feel important. Caretaking is, in itself, a covert contract. It\u2019s generosity that stems from neediness rather than love. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Genuinely caring for someone is not the same thing as caretaking.<\/strong> Nice Guys might think<\/em> they\u2019re caring, but Glover points out some major differences:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caretaking<\/strong><\/td>Caring<\/strong><\/td><\/tr>
Gives based on the giver\u2019s desires<\/td>Gives based on the receiver\u2019s needs<\/td><\/tr>
Gives to fill a void<\/td>Gives out of an abundance of love<\/td><\/tr>
Gives to get<\/td>Gives to give<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

4) He Has an Unhealthy Relationship With His Mother<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover, Nice Guys who grew up with emotionally needy mothers remain devoted to them in adulthood. This relationship is normal and healthy in boyhood, but eventually boys must grow up and bond with men to become healthy, masculine adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ideally, Glover says, a boy becomes a man with help from his mother and father:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

His mother attends to his needs as a child. It\u2019s her job to discourage dependency\u2014including her own\u2014by ensuring her needs are met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

His father\u2019s job is to be present and actively bond with his son, which guides the boy from a matriarchal sphere of influence into the world of men<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, Glover noticed many Nice Guys don\u2019t go through this transition. Without a strong paternal presence, both mother and son become codependent.<\/strong> Unable to individuate from his mother, a momma\u2019s boy grows up to be a momma\u2019s man. Glover has witnessed these Nice Guys struggle in future intimate relationships, as their partners realize their attention and devotion lie elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Iron John<\/em> and the Transition of Boys to Men<\/strong>

Glover isn’t the only author to discuss the idea that boys must be ushered into manhood by their fathers. Robert Bly also touches on this topic in Iron John: A Book About Men<\/em><\/a> (1990), a book often discussed as a logical predecessor to Glover\u2019s NMMNG<\/em>. The book focuses on the development of the \u201csoft male\u201d in the 1950s, while trying to reclaim a masculine identity Bly and Glover agree has been somewhat lost to time.

Like Glover, Bly notes that boys must be initiated into adulthood with the help of their fathers. Unlike Glover, Bly says it\u2019s a son\u2019s<\/em> job to break away from his mother, as she won\u2019t consciously release him to the dangerous world until he proves he can handle it<\/a>. With this goal in mind, Bly stresses the importance of initiating a boy into the sphere of men. In many cultures, coming-of-age rituals will do this by 1. simulating a separation between a boy and his parents and 2. teaching a boy to tend to his \u201cwounds\u201d (physical, emotional, or otherwise) in a healthy way.

Similar to what Glover observed in Nice Guys, Bly says a boy who never experiences this kind of initiation may adopt the role of a victim because he has no productive means of dealing with his wounds and overcoming his codependent relationships.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

5) He Avoids Having His Needs Met<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In their quest to be needless saints that must \u201cfix\u201d everything themselves, Glover says Nice Guys are often poor receivers.<\/strong> When someone tries to attend to a Nice Guy\u2019s needs\u2014emotional, sexual, work-related, or otherwise\u2014they challenge his negative beliefs about his self-worth and cause inner tension.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover explains that to avoid these negative feelings, Nice Guys will unconsciously avoid situations where their needs are likely to be met.<\/strong> For example, they\u2019ll seek out needy people, communicate in vague ways, and self-sabotage. And because they rely on covert contracts (assuming no one wants<\/em> to meet their needs) they rarely ask<\/em> for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Help Those Who Don\u2019t Want It<\/strong>

We\u2019ve discussed earlier in this guide how the victim mentality<\/a>, as well as being a Nice Guy, can cause this type of resistance to support\u2014so, what do you do when a Nice Guy or someone in the midst of the victim mentality doesn\u2019t want your help? Experts have some advice:

Listen to them:<\/strong> According to psychiatrist Mark Goulston, instead of offering advice outright, stop and listen to the person who needs help. You might think <\/em>you know what\u2019s best for the other person, but providing an attentive and empathetic ear will ensure you understand their needs and where they\u2019re coming from<\/a>. Goulston says the more a person opens up to you, the less isolated or misunderstood they will feel, which should encourage them to seek out your advice, help, or understanding ear in the future.

Do your research:<\/strong> ReachOut<\/a>, a mental health resource hub, encourages you to explore options that could help the person you\u2019re concerned about. This doesn\u2019t mean bombarding the other person with information and resources but arming yourself with useful knowledge so you\u2019re prepared if they do<\/em> ask for your help<\/a>.  

Be an example:<\/strong> Psychologist Thomas G. Plante agrees that giving unsolicited advice<\/a> rarely works. Instead, he suggests leading by example<\/a>. As observational learners, we\u2019re more likely to follow the actions<\/em> of others than we are to follow their advice. Model healthy habits, including asking for help when you need it.

Get help yourself:<\/strong> Mental Health America<\/a>\u2014a resource network\u2014notes that trying to help someone who doesn\u2019t want it can be a draining and frustrating process. They encourage you to seek out your own help during this time<\/a>. Not only will you be in a better mindset to support others, but you\u2019ll also gain insight into how to approach your interactions with those who need help.

Don\u2019t force them to act:<\/strong> At the end of the day, you can\u2019t make someone do something or be someone they\u2019re not. Addictions writer Katherine Schreiber explains that trying to force someone to do what you<\/em> think they should<\/em> do only leads to more stress and negative emotions for the other person<\/a>, including shame, guilt, and feelings of dependency. (This will only work to perpetuate the victim cycle compelling them to avoid help.)<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

6) He Struggles to Leave Toxic Situations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Dating a Nice Guy can be difficult because he likely won’t stick up for himself or leave toxic situations, according to Glover. Nice Guys are less likely to leave dysfunctional or toxic relationships because they dread loneliness<\/em>. Rather than leave and face themselves, they work endlessly to \u201cfix\u201d their partner. This keeps them in a state of resentment (remember the victim cycle). So when they do try to end things, Glover says it\u2019s usually in a manipulative, dishonest, or accusatory manner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover explains that Nice Guys will also remain in a toxic work environment because they\u2019re able to recreate familiar, ineffective relationships.<\/strong> Putting up with a familiar\u2014albeit less than ideal\u2014reality is less scary than making a change. However, it ensures Nice Guys remain stagnant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

7) He Has Unhealthy Sexual Compulsions <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you’re dating a Nice Guy, you might notice that he has an unhealthy relationship with sex. In childhood, Glover says many Nice Guys used arousal as a form of distraction from stress and loneliness. Thus, compulsions like porn and masturbation became crutches in times of discomfort.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover explains that as children, Nice Guys thought they were bad for being sexual and therefore practiced their sexuality in secret.<\/strong> In adulthood, Nice Guys still feel ashamed of their sexual impulses and habits. Because they\u2019re afraid of getting caught, Nice Guys exert a disproportionate amount of time and energy concealing their sexuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Effects of Sexual Shame<\/a><\/strong>

We\u2019ve discussed shame as an integral factor of the Nice Guy mindset, but sexual shame<\/em> in particular can have serious effects on your mental (or even physical) health. Glover mentions this type of guilt is likely to lead to sexual addictions, but here are a few more outcomes as explained by clinical social worker Rachel Keller<\/a>:

Decreased sexual arousal or pleasure:<\/strong> Mental blocks<\/a> can prevent your natural sexual responses from functioning properly. Arousal and pleasure may be buried so deeply beneath a layer of shame that they have a hard time coming to the surface.

Feelings of disgust:<\/strong> When guilt and shame are tied to sex and the body from an early age, you may respond to things we deem sexual with disgust. This includes being repulsed by your body, genitals, or desires. Being disgusted with bodily functions may cause you to ask, \u201cIs something wrong with me?\u201d even if what you\u2019re experiencing is natural.

Psychological splitting:<\/strong> If you actively conceal your sexuality\u2014as Glover says many Nice Guys do\u2014this sexual part of yourself<\/a> may \u201csplit off\u201d from the rest of you, thus enforcing a \u201cbad\u201d self and a \u201cgood\u201d self. This will only increase feelings of shame and a need for secrecy, as your \u201cgood\u201d self continues to judge your \u201cbad\u201d self.

Problems with communication:<\/strong> Discussing things you\u2019re ashamed of is particularly hard, so trying to work through issues in your sex life in these circumstances often leads to frustration, shutting down, and avoiding the real issues out of embarrassment.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is dating a “nice guy” like? Are self-proclaimed \u201cnice guys\u201d actually as nice as they say they are? According to Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, many men who claim they are \u201cNice Guys\u201d are actually far from nice. Glover\u2019s conception of a Nice Guy doesn\u2019t refer to someone who is kind and genuine, but someone who is insecure, people-pleasing, manipulative, and repressed. Keep reading to find out if you’re dating a nice guy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":9803,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,12],"tags":[506],"class_list":["post-50284","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-relationships","tag-no-more-mr-nice-guy","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe 7 Signs You Are Dating a "Nice Guy" - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Robert Glover says many men who claim they are "nice guys" aren't actually that nice. Here's how to tell if you're dating a "nice guy."\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a "Nice Guy"\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dr. Robert Glover says many men who claim they are "nice guys" aren't actually that nice. Here's how to tell if you're dating a "nice guy."\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-10-05T12:36:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-10-07T12:36:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elizabeth Shaw\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@rina\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elizabeth Shaw\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"13 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elizabeth Shaw\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/df3c3c8448816a34bfdc78d7eda164c4\"},\"headline\":\"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a “Nice Guy”\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-10-05T12:36:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-10-07T12:36:50+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\"},\"wordCount\":2873,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"No More Mr Nice Guy\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lifestyle\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\",\"name\":\"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a \\\"Nice Guy\\\" - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-10-05T12:36:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-10-07T12:36:50+00:00\",\"description\":\"Dr. Robert Glover says many men who claim they are \\\"nice guys\\\" aren't actually that nice. Here's how to tell if you're dating a \\\"nice guy.\\\"\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":1707},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a “Nice Guy”\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"description\":\"The World's Best Book Summaries\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"width\":500,\"height\":74,\"caption\":\"Shortform Books\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/df3c3c8448816a34bfdc78d7eda164c4\",\"name\":\"Elizabeth Shaw\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/wordpress-profile-picture.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/wordpress-profile-picture.png\",\"caption\":\"Elizabeth Shaw\"},\"description\":\"Elizabeth graduated from Newcastle University with a degree in English Literature. Growing up, she enjoyed reading fairy tales, Beatrix Potter stories, and The Wind in the Willows. As of today, her all-time favorite book is Wuthering Heights, with Jane Eyre as a close second. Elizabeth has branched out to non-fiction since graduating and particularly enjoys books relating to mindfulness, self-improvement, history, and philosophy.\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/x.com\/rina\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/elizabeth-shaw\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a \"Nice Guy\" - Shortform Books","description":"Dr. Robert Glover says many men who claim they are \"nice guys\" aren't actually that nice. Here's how to tell if you're dating a \"nice guy.\"","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a \"Nice Guy\"","og_description":"Dr. Robert Glover says many men who claim they are \"nice guys\" aren't actually that nice. Here's how to tell if you're dating a \"nice guy.\"","og_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/","og_site_name":"Shortform Books","article_published_time":"2021-10-05T12:36:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-10-07T12:36:50+00:00","og_image":[{"width":2560,"height":1707,"url":"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Elizabeth Shaw","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@rina","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Elizabeth Shaw","Est. reading time":"13 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/"},"author":{"name":"Elizabeth Shaw","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/df3c3c8448816a34bfdc78d7eda164c4"},"headline":"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a “Nice Guy”","datePublished":"2021-10-05T12:36:00+00:00","dateModified":"2021-10-07T12:36:50+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/"},"wordCount":2873,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg","keywords":["No More Mr Nice Guy"],"articleSection":["Lifestyle","Relationships"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/","name":"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a \"Nice Guy\" - Shortform Books","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg","datePublished":"2021-10-05T12:36:00+00:00","dateModified":"2021-10-07T12:36:50+00:00","description":"Dr. Robert Glover says many men who claim they are \"nice guys\" aren't actually that nice. Here's how to tell if you're dating a \"nice guy.\"","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg","width":2560,"height":1707},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dating-a-nice-guy\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The 7 Signs You Are Dating a “Nice Guy”"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","name":"Shortform Books","description":"The World's Best Book Summaries","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization","name":"Shortform Books","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","width":500,"height":74,"caption":"Shortform Books"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/df3c3c8448816a34bfdc78d7eda164c4","name":"Elizabeth Shaw","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/wordpress-profile-picture.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/wordpress-profile-picture.png","caption":"Elizabeth Shaw"},"description":"Elizabeth graduated from Newcastle University with a degree in English Literature. Growing up, she enjoyed reading fairy tales, Beatrix Potter stories, and The Wind in the Willows. As of today, her all-time favorite book is Wuthering Heights, with Jane Eyre as a close second. Elizabeth has branched out to non-fiction since graduating and particularly enjoys books relating to mindfulness, self-improvement, history, and philosophy.","sameAs":["https:\/\/x.com\/rina"],"url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/elizabeth-shaw\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/common-communication-problems-scaled.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50284","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50284"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50284\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50814,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50284\/revisions\/50814"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9803"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50284"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50284"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50284"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}