{"id":50172,"date":"2021-10-02T05:29:00","date_gmt":"2021-10-02T09:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=50172"},"modified":"2021-10-04T13:46:23","modified_gmt":"2021-10-04T17:46:23","slug":"the-ideal-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-ideal-man\/","title":{"rendered":"The 6 Qualities an Ideal Man Must Have"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What does the ideal man look like? What qualities does he possess?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Robert Glover<\/a> and David Deida have both written books about what makes a fully realized, successful, and attractive man. Although their opinions differ in some ways, they both agree on six important qualities the ideal man must have. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here’s a look at their theories about the ideal man. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

An Overview of the Ideal Man<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Two texts pop up again and again as required reading for men seeking to improve themselves by fully embracing themselves and their masculinity: Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy<\/em> and David Deida\u2019s 1997 The Way of the Superior Man<\/em><\/a>. Both authors end up at similar conclusions: To be the ideal man<\/em>, you must wholeheartedly accept yourself as you are.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Dr. Robert Glover\u2019s book No More Mr. Nice Guy <\/em>Overall, the main distinction between the Nice Guy and the Ideal Man is self-acceptance.<\/strong> Glover notes that while the Ideal Man is secure in his self-image, masculinity, and sexuality, the Nice Guy represses his true self<\/a> (including his masculinity and sexuality).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glover further defines these types of men via the following traits:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NICE GUY<\/strong><\/td>Ideal Man<\/strong><\/td><\/tr>
Avoids conflict and struggles with boundaries<\/td>Handles conflict and establishes boundaries<\/td><\/tr>
Prioritizes other\u2019s needs and desires over his own<\/td>Holds himself accountable for his own needs and desires<\/td><\/tr>
Ignores his flaws and mistakes<\/td>Addresses and learns from his flaws and mistakes<\/td><\/tr>
Fixes people and situations without prompting<\/td>Takes charge and genuinely cares for his loved ones<\/td><\/tr>
Withholds his thoughts and emotions<\/a> out of a fear of disapproval<\/td>Communicates his thoughts and emotions openly and honestly<\/td><\/tr>
Isolated and lonely, even among family and friends<\/td>Builds healthy, worthwhile relationships with everyone (women and<\/em> men)<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The 6 Qualities of the Ideal Man<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to Glover and Deida, the Ideal Man:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Accepts Himself Wholeheartedly<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to Glover\u2019s Ideal Man and Deida\u2019s Superior Man<\/a>, both authors end up at similar conclusions: To be a <\/strong>real man<\/em><\/strong>, you must wholeheartedly accept yourself as you are.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Superior Man shares many traits with the Ideal Man, such as the ability to face his fears, release shame and self-doubt<\/a>, and accept life\u2019s challenges as opportunities<\/a> for growth. However, Deida\u2019s male archetype<\/a> differs slightly from Glover\u2019s in his spiritual connection to the world at large. For example, Deida believes the Superior Man is in touch with both masculine and<\/em> feminine energy<\/a>\u2014within himself, in those around him, and in the push and pull of the universe. He also notes that the Superior Man knows how to be present and approach every situation with an open and loving<\/em> heart<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While No More Mr. Nice Guy<\/em> never implies these traits are not<\/em> part of the Ideal Man, the spiritual aspects of Deida\u2019s Superior Man aren\u2019t a focus for the psychoanalytical Glover. And while Deida doesn’t explicitly define an “Inferior Man” equal to the \u201cNice Guy,\u201d he does hint at undesirable male qualities that are similar to Glover’s Nice Guy attributes. For instance, Glover’s Nice Guy withholds his true thoughts and emotions; likewise, Deida criticizes men who don’t wholeheartedly share their true self and life purpose<\/a> with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Takes Responsibility for Himself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 According to Glover, when you prioritize yourself<\/a>, you assert new, productive beliefs about yourself, your needs, and how to meet them. Understand that everyone has needs<\/em> and prioritizing yourself<\/a> is the only mature, direct, and honest means of satisfying yours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although Deida agrees that the Superior Man<\/a> is responsible for himself, his interpretation of what this responsibility is <\/em>differs from Glover\u2019s. Deida believes that in his intimate relationships, the Superior Man is responsible not necessarily for his needs<\/em>, but for knowing his purpose in life and using it to set goals to keep himself and his woman on track<\/a>. As a man, Deida says it\u2019s your responsibility to cut through female moods and emotions\u2014as well as your own preoccupations with your duties\u2014and provide you both with a clear direction.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Welcomes Fear<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Glover asserts the only way to overcome vicious anxiety and fear is to acknowledge it and face what currently scares you. <\/strong>You create new beliefs each time you push through fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Facing your fears<\/a> is easier said than done, but we can look again to The Way of the Superior Man<\/em><\/a> for advice on how to approach these situations. When you\u2019re feeling uncomfortable, anxious, or afraid, Deida recommends you let go and open yourself to uncertainty by<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n