{"id":47054,"date":"2021-08-22T14:44:00","date_gmt":"2021-08-22T18:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=47054"},"modified":"2021-09-01T08:15:48","modified_gmt":"2021-09-01T12:15:48","slug":"myths-about-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/myths-about-love\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Myths About Love You Might Be Falling For"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What are the common myths about love? Do you believe any of them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Road Less Traveled<\/em>, psychiatrist M. Scott Peck identifies five myths about love. Once you understand them, you will be better equipped to practice <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/genuine-love\/\">genuine love<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn five myths about love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The 5 Myths About Love<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>To master discipline, you need to harness the energy of genuine love. Genuine love occurs when you move beyond yourself to support your own <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/spiritual-evolution\/\">spiritual growth<\/a> or the spiritual growth of someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are five myths to understand to master genuine love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Love Myth #1: Love Is a Feeling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>We tend to believe love is a feeling because we\u2019ve grown up on the idea of \u201cfalling in love.\u201d However, what we think of as \u201cfalling in love\u201d is actually a process called <em>cathexis<\/em>, during which we identify something as an extension of ourselves and, because this creates a bond, invest our energy into it. We can cathect people, pets, or even objects.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cathexis:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Doesn\u2019t require an interest in supporting someone\u2019s spiritual growth<\/li><li>Is feeling-based, and feelings change. For example, if you feel emotionally connected and sexually attracted to a coworker, these feelings may prompt you to cheat on your partner.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Genuine love:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Is rooted in the willingness to support the spiritual growth of another<\/li><li>Is action-, not feeling-based. For example, if you genuinely love your spouse, you will remain faithful even when you are angry with them or tempted by other people.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Love Myth #2: Love Is Dependency&nbsp;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Dependency causes relationships to become parasitic, where the needs of one person are prioritized, which prevents spiritual growth. For example, say you\u2019re primarily staying in a relationship with someone you don\u2019t love because they pay your bills. Not only are you financially dependent on this person, but you\u2019re unable to grow into your own competence, and the relationship is keeping you from finding a partner you truly love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The foundation of genuine love is the ability to make choices freely. <\/strong>In this context, you are aware you can meet your needs on your own, but you wish to develop a mutually fulfilling partnership with someone anyway.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Love Myth #3: Love Is Self-Sacrifice<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The idea that love requires self-sacrifice causes two potential problems:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>We accept mistreatment because it reinforces that we are the \u201cgood guy\u201d to our abuser\u2019s \u201cbad guy.\u201d<\/li><li>We unconsciously use nurturing behavior to make someone else dependent on us. This allows us to be a \u201csavior.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>In contrast, <strong>the purpose of genuine love is self-replenishment. <\/strong>Genuine love can be selfish or selfless as long as the motivation for your actions is your own spiritual growth or the spiritual growth of someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Love Myth #4: Love Is Effortless<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people believe that love shouldn\u2019t require work, but spiritual growth and interrelational fulfillment cannot occur with this mindset.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The only way to develop a genuinely loving relationship between yourself and another person is to extend yourself through deliberate effort. <\/strong>This requires energy and attention. One of the key ways you can develop attention is to practice good listening.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Love Myth #5: Love Prioritizes Growth as a Couple<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>A common misconception about love is that we all have a soulmate, and when we find them, they are our \u201cforever\u201d relationship. This causes us to stay in unhappy or unfulfilling relationships out of a desire to preserve the myth. But when you value coupledom over being in a genuinely loving and fulfilling partnership, you impede your ability to build such a relationship, because neither partner is seen as a whole and separate individual.&nbsp;<br><strong>Genuine love honors the separateness of both individuals in a relationship and treats each person\u2019s spiritual growth with equal importance. <\/strong>In a genuinely loving relationship, the relationship is not the focal point, but a vehicle to serve the spiritual growth of the individuals within it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are the common myths about love? Do you believe any of them? In The Road Less Traveled, psychiatrist M. Scott Peck identifies five myths about love. Once you understand them, you will be better equipped to practice genuine love. Keep reading to learn five myths about love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":47066,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,43],"tags":[470],"class_list":["post-47054","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-the-road-less-traveled","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>5 Myths About Love You Might Be Falling For - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"To master genuine love, you must understand what it is. The first step is debunking the five myths about love. 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