{"id":46858,"date":"2021-08-26T11:58:16","date_gmt":"2021-08-26T15:58:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=46858"},"modified":"2021-09-01T11:41:24","modified_gmt":"2021-09-01T15:41:24","slug":"powerless-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/powerless-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"Powerless Communication: How to Win People Over"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What are the benefits of powerless communication? How can being less assertive help you win people over?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In his book Give and Take, <\/em>Adam Grant discusses the benefits of powerless communication. Grant explains that while trying to present or sell an idea, showing some hesitancy, vulnerability, and warmth will cause your audience to trust you and be more receptive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is why you should drop your aggressive approach to persuasion and adopt some humility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

The Benefits of Powerless Communication<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are two modes of communication: powerful communication<\/strong> and powerless communication<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Powerful communication<\/strong> tries to establish dominance, and takers are attracted to this style. They speak loudly and forcefully, express certainty, promote accomplishments, and have large body language<\/a>. Picture a military general issuing orders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Powerless communication<\/strong> tries to build prestige and admiration, and givers are attracted to this style. Powerless communicators speak less aggressively and assertively, express doubt by using disclaimers and hesitations (\u201cum\u201d, \u201csorta,\u201d \u201cthis may be a bad idea, but\u201d), signal vulnerability, ask questions, and rely on advice. Picture a warm, supportive teacher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adam Grant examines how givers and powerless communicators succeed in four areas: presenting, selling, persuading, and negotiating. In sum, powerless communication is effective because people are naturally skeptical of intentions, bristle at being ordered around, and have their own egos to protect. By asking questions and indicating vulnerability, givers become approachable, show reception to new ideas, and learn new information that helps them persuade.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Presenting Powerlessly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When giving a presentation, revealing vulnerability and humanity make you approachable and get people to empathize with you. Givers are interested in helping others, not in establishing dominance, so they\u2019re not afraid to show vulnerability.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In contrast, takers worry that showing vulnerability will limit their ability to gain dominance. Their powerful communication, however, can clash with other people who want to assert dominance, or when the audience is skeptical of your influence, and the message gets lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When presenting to senior military officers, Adam Grant started his presentation with a powerless joke: \u201cI know what you\u2019re thinking: what can I possibly learn from a professor who\u2019s twelve years old?\u201d This approach lowered the officers\u2019 defenses and led to a better reception. Instead, if Grant had tried to present his credentials and puff up his chest, the officers would have felt confrontational.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Powerless communication only works, however, if you signal your competence in other ways, such as credentials or the content of your speech. If you\u2019re competent and vulnerable, audiences like you more. But if you\u2019re incompetent and vulnerable, audiences like you less. This is the pratfall effect<\/strong>. In other words, mistakes amplify the audience\u2019s prior conception about you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Selling Powerlessly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Picture a stereotype of a salesperson, and you may picture a hard-charging, gregarious back-slapper who pushes you down a list of features and won\u2019t take no for an answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It turns out givers are the most effective salespeople, showing higher results across industries like insurance and pharmaceuticals. Givers want to help their customers solve their problems<\/strong>, and they use powerless communication to achieve it. In sales, givers ask lots of questions to understand the clients\u2019 scenario, customize a solution to best match the client\u2019s needs, then allow the client to make her own conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tactically, asking questions allows a salesperson to unearth new customer needs<\/strong> and use cases that wouldn\u2019t have been discovered through a brute force one-size-fits-all approach. Adam Grant gives an example of an optician who approached a woman skeptical of buying expensive multifocal glasses. After asking questions about her daily sight problems and her potential use cases, the optician realizes she has a misconception that the glasses can only be used part of the day. He ultimately makes the sale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Powerless communication in sales also works because, as a consumer, you\u2019re flooded with strong messaging all day, from advertisers to politicians. When you hear a powerful sales pitch, you tend to get suspicious. You don\u2019t want to be tricked, and you prefer not feeling manipulated. A giving, powerless approach guides you to making your own independent conclusions. <\/strong>This is refreshing and builds trust. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Furthermore, people tend to hold onto their own conclusions more strongly than they do conclusion given by other people. People like their own ideas best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Related point: people love talking about themselves<\/strong>. The more you talk in a group, the more you think you\u2019ve learned about the group, even though the information exchange was unilateral. Thus by asking questions, givers inspire joy in the talker and enable introspection leading to a conclusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Persuading Powerlessly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In collaborative work, powerless communication provides a safe space for new ideas. Asking questions and using powerless speech markers like \u201cmay\u201d and \u201cpossibly\u201d invite contrary opinions and signal a willingness to defer<\/strong>. From a classic giver point of view, this signals that the speaker cares primarily about the goals of the group, rather than about personal ego.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is especially true in collaborative work, where people work together to achieve the same goal. In these scenarios, takers undermine group performance and stifle information sharing.<\/strong> Powerful speech here tends to signal that the taker cares primarily about asserting dominance and ego, not about the good of the group.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Studies show that powerless speech engenders more respect and influence in collaborative work, and when a group is passive. In a study of pizza franchises, when employees are proactive, powerful speech leads to 14% lower profits. (In contrast, when the work is independent and not collaborative, and employees are passive, powerful speech is effective. We\u2019ll discuss more below).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over time, powerless speech can allow you to build a reputation as a helpful contributor, rather than a competitor vying for political power<\/strong>. If you\u2019re seen as someone reliable and pleasant to work with, the peer feedback should ultimately benefit your career, if your superiors can then attribute group success to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

> Volkswagen account manager Don Lane contributed the \u201cDrive it. You\u2019ll get it.\u201d tagline to the creative team, despite not getting credit. Instead of a powerful approach like \u201cI\u2019ve got the winning idea,\u201d he presented his idea powerlessly: \u201cI know this is against the rules, but I want to give you a sense of what I\u2019m talking about. What do you think of this line?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Negotiating Powerlessly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In tense situations that may appear zero-sum to many people (like negotiations over wages or deals), advice seeking is a powerful tool for exercising influence when we lack authority<\/strong>. Advice seeking combines expressing vulnerability, asking questions, and talking tentatively. Naturally, takers tend to avoid advice-seeking because it jeopardizes their appearance of control and harms their ego of knowing all the answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Advice seeking has four benefits:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n