{"id":45832,"date":"2021-08-19T12:32:00","date_gmt":"2021-08-19T16:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=45832"},"modified":"2021-08-20T07:52:39","modified_gmt":"2021-08-20T11:52:39","slug":"what-are-the-gifts-of-imperfection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-are-the-gifts-of-imperfection\/","title":{"rendered":"What Are the Gifts of Imperfection? The Three Cs"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What are the gifts of imperfection from Bren\u00e9 Brown’s book? How can the three gifts help you cultivate worthiness?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The three gifts of imperfection<\/a>, according to Bren\u00e9 Brown, are courage, compassion, and connection. Together, these three gifts will help you live a Wholehearted life filled with happiness and self-acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn about the three gifts of imperfection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Cultivating Worthiness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

So, we\u2019ve learned what worthiness is, according to Brown The next question is, how can we cultivate worthiness<\/em>? Brown\u2019s research suggests that there are three values that you need to practice to increase your sense of worthiness<\/a>: courage,<\/strong> compassion,<\/strong> and connection<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are descriptions of what each of the gifts of imperfection are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Courage <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

By courage, Brown doesn\u2019t mean the kind of courage you use during an act of heroism, such as the courage you show when you run into a burning building to save a child. Instead, she means ordinary courage\u2014being brave enough to be vulnerable and honestly express who you are<\/a>, how you feel, and what you\u2019ve experienced.<\/strong> For example, it\u2019s having the courage to admit to your boss that you\u2019re struggling with your workload and need help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ordinary Courage in Women and Girls<\/strong>

In the footnotes of The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em>, Brown states that she first encountered the term \u201cordinary courage\u201d in the work of clinical psychology professor Annie Rogers. Where Brown talks about people in general <\/em>needing to have ordinary courage, Rogers\u2019s work specifically discussed ordinary courage in women and girls<\/em>. 

In a research paper, Rogers noted that young girls often possess and use great ordinary courage, frequently speaking their minds and sharing their vulnerabilities.<\/a> However, beginning in early adolescence, women stop using ordinary courage,<\/strong> becoming reticent to share the full truth of what they\u2019re thinking and feeling. According to Rogers, this reduction in ordinary courage coincides with a loss of female confidence<\/a> and resilience. Furthermore, the reduction in courage is probably the result of cultural norms that discourage women from speaking their minds. 
So, how can we encourage girls to continue to use ordinary courage, even as they enter adolescence? Rogers found that in her experience, role modeling\u2014being courageous and vulnerable herself\u2014encouraged girls to open up<\/a> and be courageous in turn. Furthermore, research suggests that participation in adventure-based programs<\/a>\u2014outdoor retreats that often involve completing challenging physical and mental tasks in a group-based setting<\/a>\u2014can encourage courage in adolescent girls.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Compassion<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Brown calls practicing compassion<\/a> an exercise in bravery, vulnerability, and acceptance. Put more simply, see compassion as being kind to yourself<\/a> and others.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As well as explaining what compassion is<\/em>, Brown clearly defines what it isn\u2019t<\/em>. It\u2019s not condemning the person (or thing) that caused your, or another person\u2019s, pain. Likewise, it\u2019s not trying to erase <\/em>the pain by seeking a resolution to that cause. Instead, it\u2019s merely allowing yourself, or another person, to feel their feelings and express their pain. It\u2019s about empathizing with the person who needs compassion (whether that\u2019s you or someone else), not trying to \u201cfix\u201d them or their issues. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example: If a friend confesses that her manager is belittling her at work, don\u2019t jump to finding a fix for the issue, like suggesting she speak to human resources. Likewise, don\u2019t rush to blame your friend or her manager for causing the issue. Instead, listen deeply to how your friend is feeling. Express empathy<\/a> based on similar experiences you\u2019ve had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Empathy and Nonviolent Communication<\/em><\/strong>

Brown\u2019s ideas on true <\/em>compassion involving empathetic listening<\/a> are backed up by Marshall Rosenberg in his work Nonviolent Communication<\/em><\/a>. Rosenberg argues that many of us fall into one of the traps Brown described: trying to analyze and solve people\u2019s pain, rather than just listening to <\/em>and empathizing with <\/em>it. <\/a>

In Rosenberg\u2019s view, we commonly make this mistake because empathizing with others is hard and can be emotionally draining. <\/strong>So, we take the easier option of entering \u201cfix-it\u201d mode. However, to help others and maintain strong relationships, we must learn to simply listen to people, as difficult as that may be at first.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Connection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Brown presents a definition of connection that\u2019s personal rather than objective. To her, it\u2019s an intangible energy generated when we form an open, judgment-free, and mutually sustaining bond with another person. More simply, understand connection as building meaningful and fulfilling relationships with others<\/a>. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Citing the work of psychologist Daniel Goleman\u2014specifically, his book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships<\/em><\/a>\u2014<\/em>Brown asserts that, at the most fundamental, biological level, humans <\/strong>need<\/em><\/strong> to develop strong relationships with others.<\/strong> She suggests that we can strengthen our connections by reaching out to other people regularly. We should also work to connect with them on more than a superficial level: We should share our honest thoughts and feelings<\/a> with others and encourage them to do the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Connection and Social Media<\/strong>

You might think that social media sites are great places to connect with other people. However, according to Brown, while these platforms provide a convenient way of contacting people, they\u2019re not the place to form real and deep connections<\/em>. <\/strong>

Various other writers and researchers back this view. For instance, in his book Lost Connections<\/em><\/a>\u2014about the social and societal factors that can contribute to depression\u2014journalist Johann Hari also asserts that social media communication doesn\u2019t provide the same benefits as in-person connection<\/a>. Furthermore, Cal Newport argues in his book Digital Minimalism<\/em><\/a> that replacing in-person communication with digital communication can actually erode <\/em>our social skills<\/a>.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
How to See Our Own Worthiness<\/strong>

Brown seems to be unique in explicitly connecting the cultivation of worthiness to practicing courage, compassion, and connection. Other writers have differing ideas on how we can learn to see our own worth: In 12 Rules for Life<\/em><\/a>, Jordan Peterson claims that the solution to low self-worth<\/a> is to remember that you have a unique mission to pursue<\/a> and to recognize that you\u2019re just as worthy of care and help as anyone else. In The Happiness Hypothesis<\/em><\/a>, Jonathan Haidt ties feeling self-worth to having a purpose and feeling like you\u2019re part of a greater mission<\/a>.In Awaken the Giant Within<\/em><\/a>, Tony Robbins argues that feeling in control of your life is essential to cultivating high self-esteem<\/a>.
If this diversity of opinion shows anything, it\u2019s that self-worth is complex, with many factors feeding into or inhibiting it.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What are the gifts of imperfection from Bren\u00e9 Brown’s book? How can the three gifts help you cultivate worthiness? The three gifts of imperfection, according to Bren\u00e9 Brown, are courage, compassion, and connection. Together, these three gifts will help you live a Wholehearted life filled with happiness and self-acceptance. Continue reading to learn about the three gifts of imperfection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":45955,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,43,24],"tags":[385],"class_list":["post-45832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-self-improvement","category-society","tag-the-gifts-of-imperfection","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Are the Gifts of Imperfection? 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