{"id":45288,"date":"2021-08-05T06:56:00","date_gmt":"2021-08-05T10:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=45288"},"modified":"2026-05-04T12:21:03","modified_gmt":"2026-05-04T16:21:03","slug":"negotiation-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negotiation-questions\/","title":{"rendered":"The Best Negotiation Questions in an Interrogation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What questions should you ask in a negotiation to get the information you need from your counterpart? Should you ask “why” questions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Chriss Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, the best questions to ask your counterpart during negotiation are open-ended “how” or “what” questions. Unlike the accusatory “why” questions, these questions lead them along to the conclusion that you want them to reach\u2014all the while convincing them that your desired solution is their idea. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn about the power of open-ended negotiation questions, why they work, and how to use them to your advantage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Open-Ended Negotiation Questions <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

As a good negotiator, your goal is to give your counterpart the illusion of control and lead them to your preferred outcome (while letting them think it\u2019s their<\/em> idea). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But how do you make them think they\u2019re in the driver\u2019s seat? Voss says you do this by asking open-ended \u201chow\u201d or \u201cwhat\u201d questions. These kinds of negotiation questions ask the other person for help in coming up with solutions, which gets them to start seeing the situation from your point of view. It’s the first step in dissolving the confrontational, win-lose dynamic that too many negotiations naturally fall into. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if you\u2019re confronted with a price that\u2019s too high or an offer that\u2019s unreasonably low, respond with a simple, \u201cHow can I do that?\u201d These straightforward, yet seemingly innocuous questions can be the golden key in a negotiation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Voss recommends other good open-ended questions like, \u201cHow do you expect me to be able to follow through on that?\u201d or \u201cWhat are you hoping to accomplish?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Voss notes that these \u201chow\u201d or \u201cwhat\u201d questions are different from more accusatory questions that begin with more loaded words like \u201cwhy.\u201d \u201cWhy\u201d can be a very problematic word in negotiations, warns Voss. \u201cWhy\u201d puts the onus on your counterpart, shines a light on them, and makes them feel like they\u2019re in the hot seat\u2014which takes them out of their comfort zone and into a place where they\u2019re no longer in control. This is exactly where Voss says you don\u2019t <\/em>want them to be.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, think of the enormously different emotional weight between a non-open-ended \u201cwhy\u201d question like \u201cWhy would you say that?\u201d and an open-ended \u201cwhat\u201d question like \u201cWhat makes you say that?\u201d The former is accusatory and borderline hostile; the latter is empathetic, welcoming of insight, and devoid of any emotional sting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Asking the Right Negotiation Questions<\/strong>.

Other negotiation experts back up Voss\u2019s insights about asking open-ended, open-ended questions, arguing that such questions are essential in order to glean valuable information from your counterpart. They warn that your counterpart will be reluctant to divulge information if they think you\u2019re trying to exploit or take advantage of them, but asking the right kind of questions can prevent this. Experts recommend asking questions that enable you to present yourself as someone trying to gather information for a mutually beneficial solution, rather than someone trying to outwit them in a zero-sum competition. They advise asking open-ended questions to elicit more comprehensive responses; interjecting with probing responses like \u201cI see\u201d or \u201cTell me more\u201d; and asking neutral, non-leading questions (like \u201cCan you tell me about your semiconductor sourcing?\u201d), while combining them with explanations like, \u201cWe\u2019ve found that some clients prefer having a standing meeting every month, whereas others prefer to schedule them on an as-needed basis. Could you give me some insight on which meeting structure works best for you and why?\u201d The goal is to put your counterpart at ease so that they see you as a helper, not an adversary.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Put Them to Work for You<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Voss, the key strategic benefit of open-ended questions is that they put your counterpart to work helping you.<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>When you ask an open-ended \u201chow\u201d or \u201cwhat\u201d question, you\u2019re putting the other person in a position where they\u2019re <\/em>providing solutions to your <\/em>problems. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This also helps with the implementation of the decision. Your counterpart will buy into it and commit to it because they\u2019ll think they <\/em>came up with it.  In this scenario, they\u2019re the teacher and you\u2019re the student. This gives them a powerful feeling of being in charge. But you\u2019re<\/em> really in control as the listener, because they\u2019re giving you the <\/em>information you need.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Voss writes that <\/strong>open-ended questions also prompt longer answers from your counterpart\u2014which, in turn, reveal key information. Your counterpart might reveal what they really <\/em>desire out of a negotiation or what a potential dealbreaker might be. They might also reveal the challenges they face in actually delivering <\/em>on the terms you\u2019re negotiating (like, for example, a salesperson whose boss won\u2019t allow them to sell you an item for under a certain amount). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Other writers have backed up Voss\u2019s ideas about inverting someone else\u2019s mental process, planting an idea in their head, and making them think it was their own <\/em>original idea. In Unconscious Branding: How Neuroscience Can Empower (and Inspire) Marketing<\/em><\/a>, author Douglas Van Praet writes that when marketers give customers an active role in how they experience and consume a product, it\u2019s more effective than conventional marketing or advertising because it allows customers to form their own unique associations with the product. They\u2019ll be more inclined to consume and purchase it, thinking that this is an intrinsic choice they\u2019re making\u2014but in fact, the positive associations were guided by external marketers. For example, Red Bull built relationships with college students by offering them cases of the energy drink and letting them organize events where they could consume it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Staying Out of Their Debt<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Crucially, as Voss argues, open-ended questions allow you to get information without then being obligated to reveal information. Straight requests for information can lead to an unproductive tit-for-tat dynamic, where the other side expects some sort of reciprocity<\/strong> (e.g., \u201cI gave you <\/em>something, now you give me<\/em> something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A straight request for information is something that can either be answered with a simple \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno\u201d or just a literal, minimal response. Questions like, \u201cDoes this apartment have a washer-dryer?\u201d or \u201cWhen were the windows in this apartment last cleaned?\u201d yield nothing beyond the literal information requested (information that you can often obtain on your own without asking). Instead of putting your counterpart to work for you, writes Voss, you\u2019re setting up the expectation that you\u2019ll pay <\/strong>them <\/em><\/strong>back with information of your own<\/strong>. And if your counterpart is really a savvy negotiator, they\u2019ll ask for information that\u2019s highly valuable to you<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Voss argues that open-ended questions free you from this dynamic because they come across as natural, normal, conversational questions<\/a> instead of requests for information. \u201cHow can we get this to work?\u201d doesn\u2019t have the tit-for-tat feel. You\u2019re asking without directly asking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When Tit-for-Tat Works<\/strong>

Other theorists of negotiation take the opposite assessment of Voss when it comes to \u201ctit-for-tat\u201d or mutual retaliation strategies. In The Evolution of Cooperation<\/em><\/a>, author Robert Axelrod<\/a> demonstrated that a tit-for-tat strategy was actually the most optimal in negotiating the classic \u201cPrisoner\u2019s Dilemma\u201d game theory<\/a> problem, with major ramifications for real-world negotiation strategy. In the \u201cPrisoner\u2019s Dilemma,\u201d two criminal accomplices are being interrogated by the authorities. The optimal outcome for the pair<\/em> is if neither one of them informs on the other. However, if one prisoner decides to give evidence against his accomplice (while the accomplice, meanwhile, says nothing), the turncoat does the best of all\u2014receiving a light sentence, while his tight-lipped accomplice takes the full rap.

However, if they both <\/em>finger each other for the crime, each <\/em>of them receives a worse outcome than they would have if they\u2019d both stayed silent. The dilemma shows a scenario in which two parties acting purely in their self-interest do not <\/em>produce the optimal outcome. After conducting a Prisoner\u2019s Dilemma tournament with hundreds of contestants, Axelrod concluded that mutual cooperation at the outset followed by a tit-for-tat strategy produced the best outcome. The most successful contestants began with a mutual, cooperative strategy, but then made sure to properly match what their counterpart did at every turn (i.e., tit-for-tat).

Thus, if one partner defected from the agreed-upon strategy by giving evidence to the police in Round One, the other\u2019s best move was to respond with a defection of their own in Round Two.\u00a0Axelrod argued that this provided a model for how counterparts should behave in real-world negotiations\u2014start off cooperating; be clear about your actions; \u201cdefect\u201d (appropriately and proportionately) from the cooperative strategy when your counterpart does so; back off of your defection if and when your counterpart adjusts their behavior; and accept that there does not have to be a clear winner or loser in the negotiation (you \u201cwin\u201d even if only some <\/em>of your needs are met and you\u2019re better off than you were before, regardless of whether or not your counterpart got more).<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What questions should you ask in a negotiation to get the information you need from your counterpart? Should you ask “why” questions? According to Chriss Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, the best questions to ask your counterpart during negotiation are open-ended “how” or “what” questions. Unlike the accusatory “why” questions, these questions lead them along to the conclusion that you want them to reach\u2014all the while convincing them that your desired solution is their idea.  Keep reading to learn about the power of open-ended negotiation questions, why they work, and how to use them to your advantage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":45289,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[185],"class_list":["post-45288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-never-split-the-difference","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Best Negotiation Questions in an Interrogation - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"To steer a negotiation in your desired direction, stay away from the accusatory "why?" 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