{"id":45264,"date":"2021-08-20T06:38:31","date_gmt":"2021-08-20T10:38:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=45264"},"modified":"2021-08-20T06:38:33","modified_gmt":"2021-08-20T10:38:33","slug":"finding-oneself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/finding-oneself\/","title":{"rendered":"Why the Idea of “Finding Oneself” Is Limiting"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you on a journey of self-discovery<\/a>? Do you want to find yourself and your identity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck<\/em>, the idea of “finding oneself” may actually be counterintuitive. Author Mark Manson says that labeling<\/a> yourself puts you in a box and limits your opportunities and growth. Instead, Manson says, you should let go of your identity altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn why Mark Manson says you should stop labeling your identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Let Go of Your Identity<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, <\/em>author Mark Manson says that you can\u2019t change or improve your life until you\u2019re able to change how you think of or view yourself. However, people typically avoid changes that challenge their identity.<\/strong> They even fear changes that could improve their lives because change pushes them out of their comfort zone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He adds that success and failure<\/a> both challenge your identity<\/strong>, which is why people fear them both. We may reject even beneficial opportunities if they require us to change the values by which we define ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Buddhism teaches that you should give up your idea of who you are<\/a> because your image of yourself is an artificial creation. The way you think about yourself constrains you, and you should give up these limits. Giving up your concept of who you are frees you to try things, fail, and grow<\/strong>. Conversely, when someone finds oneself, they choose a narrow, rigid identity, they constantly feel threatened by things that challenge it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In a similar vein, Joshua Fields Millburn<\/a> and Ryan Nicodemus<\/a> explore, in their book Minimalism<\/em><\/a>, how your identity can be an anchor, because it chains you down to who you think <\/em>you are. For example, if you see yourself as a free-spirited artist, you might pass up an opportunity for a steady office job because that job doesn\u2019t fit with your self-imposed identity. However, that office job might actually lead you to happiness because some part of you also likes to analyze things and work with numbers. If you narrowly define your identity, you might neglect other aspects of your personality.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We put a lot of effort into \u201cfinding\u201d or \u201cknowing\u201d ourselves, but Manson warns that this can be limiting, if the identity you choose is a narrow one. It can restrict your emotional development and opportunities. It\u2019s better to keep learning<\/a> and discovering than to \u201cfind\u201d yourself; you\u2019ll be more open to improvement, and less judgmental about yourself and about the situations you encounter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In sum, to let go of your identity so that you can adopt better values and priorities, Manson advises that you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n