{"id":45261,"date":"2021-08-19T06:21:52","date_gmt":"2021-08-19T10:21:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=45261"},"modified":"2021-08-20T06:38:54","modified_gmt":"2021-08-20T10:38:54","slug":"learn-responsibility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/learn-responsibility\/","title":{"rendered":"Mark Manson: To Be Happy, Learn Responsibility"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feeling-helpless-in-life\/\">feel helpless<\/a> or victimized when you&#8217;re faced with problems that are out of your control? How can learning to take responsibility for any situation <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/change-your-mindset\/\">change your mindset<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In<em> The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, <\/em>Mark Manson says that you need to learn responsibility in order to be happy. Only when you accept your ability to make choices, even in the worst situations, will you be happier and feel more in control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn what Mark Manson has to say about learning responsibility. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Learning Responsibility<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>When you don\u2019t feel in control of a situation, you become unhappy. <\/strong>However, according to Manson, it\u2019s often a matter of perspective: A difficult problem can make you miserable, or it can give you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/a-sense-of-accomplishment\/\">a sense of accomplishment<\/a> when you solve it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Often, the only difference is in the degree to which you\u2019re responsible for the situation or feel you have a choice in it. <strong>We feel in control and empowered when we choose our problems or challenges<\/strong>; when forced to deal with problems not of our making, we feel helpless and victimized.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But here\u2019s Manson\u2019s solution: No matter what situation you\u2019re in, no matter your circumstances, you always have a choice. <strong>You can choose what you think, and how you behave in every situation.<\/strong> Once you learn responsibility and accept your ability to make choices, you\u2019ll feel empowered in any situation, and this will make you happier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even in the worst situations\u2014for example, being stuck in the hospital, or in prison\u2014your attitude and your behavior are <strong>your choice <\/strong>and <strong>your responsibility.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td>Discipline (or self-control) is one of the values that Robin Sharma teaches in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-monk-who-sold-his-ferrari\/chapter-10\"><em>The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari<\/em>.<\/a> He makes the case that chasing after your whims doesn\u2019t make you powerful or free; on the contrary, it makes you a slave to your own desires. Therefore, he urges you to study your desires and only act on those that are worthwhile\u2014namely, your desires to grow and improve yourself.<br><br>According to Sharma\u2014and Manson\u2014true freedom and power lie in having the discipline to make your own decisions, instead of being pushed along by outside forces like desire.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>You\u2019re Always Making Choices<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Manson says that,<strong> while we don\u2019t always control what happens to us, we&#8217;re always responsible for how we respond to it.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In any situation, you have more choices than you think:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You choose the values and standards you live by.<\/li><li>You choose how to interpret what happens and how to respond.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Manson also points out that you actually <em>can\u2019t <\/em>avoid responsibility\u2014even choosing not to respond to something is a response, and you\u2019re responsible for it. Therefore, the question isn\u2019t whether or not you should decide to take responsibility; <strong>the question is what values you\u2019ll base your decisions on.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In other words, what will you give a f*ck about?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>The Benefits of Values-Based Decisions<\/strong><br><br>Knowing your values and sticking to them has a number of benefits. For example, Forbes interviewed 12 CEOs about how <a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/forbescoachescouncil\/2018\/07\/20\/what-does-it-mean-to-make-values-based-decisions-12-entrepreneurs-weigh-in\/?sh=2f8a19c1283f\">values-based decisions have helped their companies<\/a>. Some of the responses included:<br><br><strong>Clarity. <\/strong>Clearly defined values help with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/methods-of-decision-making-crucial-conversations\/\">decision-making<\/a>, because any given decision becomes a simple question of whether it goes against one of those values.&nbsp;<br><br><strong>Efficiency. <\/strong>Clear values lead to clear goals. In turn, clear goals stop you from overextending yourself trying to chase every passing whim. You can use your resources (time, money, energy, and so on) <em>effectively <\/em>and <em>efficiently<\/em>.<br><br><strong>Transparency. <\/strong>When people know what your values are, they\u2019ll find you more trustworthy. Furthermore, they\u2019ll find it easier to anticipate what you\u2019d want in any given situation\u2014therefore, you\u2019ll find that people are more helpful and accommodating when your values are clear.&nbsp;<br><br><strong>Being true to yourself. <\/strong>Defining your values and living by them is the best way (perhaps the only way) to <strong>become <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-become-the-person-you-want-to-be-2\/\">the person you want to be<\/a>.<\/strong>&nbsp;Looking at it another way: You have to know what your goal is before you can reach it. Defining your values will allow you to set <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/meaningful-goals\/\">meaningful goals<\/a> for yourself.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Responsibility Versus Blame<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Manson believes that the more responsibility we assume for what happens in our lives, the more power and control we have. Thus, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-responsibility\/\">taking responsibility<\/a> is the first step toward solving our problems.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, it\u2019s a common misconception that taking responsibility for something means taking the blame for it, but responsibility and blame are different things. We aren\u2019t to <em>blame <\/em>for everything that happens to us (for instance, a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/traumatic-childhood\/\">traumatic childhood<\/a>), but we\u2019re still <em>responsible <\/em>for how we respond to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: When approaching this concept, you might find it helpful to replace the word \u201cblame\u201d with \u201cfault.\u201d Your current situation (whatever it is) might not be your <em>fault<\/em>; however, dealing with it is still your <em>responsibility.<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Manson stresses that<strong> you alone are responsible for your circumstances.<\/strong> Others may have contributed to the situation, but you\u2019re responsible for your unhappiness because you\u2019re choosing how to react to and frame the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, suppose somebody robs you in a bad part of town. The robber is responsible for that event, but not for how you feel about it. Only you can make yourself happy again; you can decide to <strong>accept<\/strong> what happened (a value) and <strong>learn a lesson<\/strong> (why did I get robbed? How can I avoid similar situations in the future?).&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Attribution Error Mislabels Blame<\/strong><br><br>One way that people commonly avoid taking responsibility is through <a href=\"https:\/\/online.hbs.edu\/blog\/post\/the-fundamental-attribution-error\"><em>attribution error<\/em><\/a> (also called <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/attribution-bias-blame\/\">attribution bias<\/a><\/em>). Basically, people tend to attribute their own shortcomings to circumstance (losing a job because \u201cthe manager hates me,\u201d for example), and other people\u2019s shortcomings to character flaws like laziness or carelessness. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-stop-worrying-and-start-living\"><em>How to Stop Worrying and Start Living<\/em><\/a>, Dale Carnegie suggests that you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-stop-worrying-and-start-living\/part-4\">treat others with the same tolerance you have for yourself<\/a>\u2014assume that what they do is the result of circumstance, rather than poor character.&nbsp;<br><br>However, Manson takes this one step further by saying that you <em>shouldn\u2019t <\/em>assume your shortcomings are because of circumstance. Taking Manson and Carnegie\u2019s ideas together, we\u2019d end up with a sort of \u201creverse attribution bias,\u201d wherein we assume that our own problems are due to our choices, while others\u2019 are due to their circumstances. Interestingly, that closely resembles Marcus Aurelius\u2019s insistence that we should be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/meditations\/books-4-6\">strict with ourselves,<strong> <\/strong>but patient with others.<strong>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/a><\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Manson offers another way to approach this concept:<strong> Blame exists in the past, while responsibility exists in the present.<\/strong> In other words, when you blame someone (including yourself), you\u2019re focused on the past: \u201dHow did this situation happen?\u201d When you take responsibility, you\u2019re focused on the present: What are you going to <em>do <\/em>about it?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, blame is destructive\u2014it serves no purpose except to make someone feel bad. However, responsibility is constructive\u2014it drives you to find and implement solutions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/meditations\/books-4-6\"><em>Meditations<\/em><\/a>, Marcus Aurelius offers two compelling arguments against the very concept of blame (or fault):&nbsp;<br><strong>Blame is pointless. <\/strong>People make mistakes and hurt others due to ignorance or accident, not out of malice. There\u2019s no sense in blaming people (including yourself) for what they don\u2019t know, or for an honest mistake. Instead, you should teach them (or learn) how to avoid that problem in the future.&nbsp;<strong>Blame is useless. <\/strong>Even if there were someone to blame for a situation, doing so wouldn\u2019t fix the problem. The only rational approach is to find a solution and work to implement it.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you feel helpless or victimized when you&#8217;re faced with problems that are out of your control? How can learning to take responsibility for any situation change your mindset? In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson says that you need to learn responsibility in order to be happy. Only when you accept your ability to make choices, even in the worst situations, will you be happier and feel more in control. Keep reading to learn what Mark Manson has to say about learning responsibility.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":45641,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,42,43],"tags":[290],"class_list":["post-45261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-motivation","category-self-improvement","tag-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Mark Manson: To Be Happy, Learn Responsibility - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you ever feel like a helpless victim in life? 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