{"id":44781,"date":"2021-07-31T05:21:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-31T09:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=44781"},"modified":"2021-08-11T15:53:04","modified_gmt":"2021-08-11T19:53:04","slug":"views-on-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/views-on-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Cultural Views on Sex & Their Implications for Desire"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why is sex such a contentious topic? How do the mixed views on sex influence sexual desire? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

American culture has mixed feelings about sex, and when this culture pervades our relationships, it can impair our desire. American culture tends to look at sex from two extreme points of view, hedonism and Puritanism\u2060\u2014sometimes even at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this article, we’ll consider the clash between the two and its implications for the way we approach our own sex lives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Hedonism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sex has never been more public. It\u2019s used in advertising, it\u2019s a regular subject on TV, and porn\u2019s all over the internet. Sexual freedom fits nicely with the American values of individualism and personal freedom.<\/strong> However, the media focuses on single sex, not domesticated sex. With all this potential for single, freely available, idiosyncratic sex, can a monogamous modern relationship compete?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Puritanism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This hedonism or \u201copenness\u201d toward sex isn\u2019t indicative of liberal views on sex itself. It\u2019s more about economics than enlightenment. Even though we see sexy images used for marketing all the time, the foundational beliefs about sex\u2060\u2014that it\u2019s dirty\u2060\u2014hasn\u2019t changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea of sex as something dirty stems from Puritanism. The Puritan approach to sex is conservative\u2060\u2014if sex isn\u2019t for reproductive purposes within a monogamous marriage, it\u2019s immoral.<\/strong> There\u2019s no place for pleasure. Puritanism prioritizes the family and prescribes that marriage be reasonable and mature and moderated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Puritanism is also big on policing sexuality.<\/strong> Abstinence, gay marriage, and abortion laws are still points of contention today. Sex education in schools is hotly debated. For example, many Americans view teenage sex as deviant behavior and a large group of people thinks that limiting sex education and birth control will stop teens from having sex.<\/strong> They think abstinence will solve teen pregnancy and STIs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Europeans view teenage sex differently\u2060\u2014as a normal developmental stage. Actual sex isn\u2019t a problem; there\u2019s only a problem when its unsafe. Interestingly, in Europe, teenagers begin sexual activity two years later than American teenagers, on average, but American teenagers get pregnant eight times more than European teenagers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sex Extremes<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Either extreme\u2060\u2014sex as taboo, or excessive sex\u2060\u2014makes us want to mentally dissociate from the physicality of sex.<\/strong> When sex becomes guilty, or shameful, it\u2019s more comfortable to separate the act from emotions. And this doesn\u2019t just refer to long-term relationships; the loss shows up in any relationship that involves caring for another person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, Ratu is a college student at a prestigious university. She and the other students don\u2019t have the spare time to date, so instead they hook up (defined as anything from fooling around to sex) on weekends. Their ideal \u201crelationships\u201d are booty calls and friends-with-benefits arrangements\u2014relationships that purposefully exclude emotions. The students don\u2019t want commitment; it\u2019s scary and restrictive and results in a loss of independence<\/a>. They\u2019re uncomfortable enough with even the sex, because they have to get drunk first and don\u2019t want to remember it the next day.<\/strong> Hook-up sex fits in with hedonistic culture, but wanting to pretend sex never happened is somewhat Puritan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You might think that having sex with multiple people is good training for maintaining an erotic relationship with a single person, but it doesn\u2019t tend to be. Many people approach single sex and committed sex<\/a> as totally different acts, and if you view single sex as a last hurrah, it\u2019s going to be a very different experience from committed sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Dispense with Shame<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Lots of people feel shame and anxiety about their sexuality. They don\u2019t want to be judged or rejected by their lovers, so they pull away, or settle for passable or unemotional sex. However, this kind of sex isn\u2019t nearly as rewarding as intimate sex. To make steps towards intimate sex, consider these possibilities:<\/p>\n\n\n\n