{"id":41737,"date":"2021-07-21T13:23:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-21T17:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=41737"},"modified":"2021-07-27T08:15:04","modified_gmt":"2021-07-27T12:15:04","slug":"ask-for-what-you-want","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Ask for What You Want: Ask and Receive"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Does fear of rejection prevent you from getting what you want? How&nbsp;do you ask for what you want in an unobtrusive yet bold and assertive way?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes, all it takes to get what you want is asking for it. But it\u2019s easy to hold yourself back\u2014maybe you\u2019re afraid of rejection, so you decide it\u2019s better not to ask than to face a \u201cno.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some tips on how to ask for what you want to increase your chances of actually getting it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to Ask for What You Want<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Learning how to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-ask-for-what-you-need\/\">ask for what you need<\/a> and want, even when you\u2019re afraid of the answer, can help you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/steps-to-achieve-your-goals\/\">reach your goals<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Follow these steps to ask for what you want:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>1. <strong>Use clear, precise language.<\/strong> If you ask for something vague, you may get a vague answer or something that isn\u2019t what you want. Learn how to phrase three common requests for change:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Behavior. <\/strong>If you need someone to do something, tell them specifically what it is. For example, saying, \u201cWould you do the dishes more often?\u201d is less specific than, \u201cI want you to wash the dishes each time I cook a meal, and I\u2019ll wash them when you cook a meal.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Time. <\/strong>If you need to have something done at a certain time, but you don\u2019t say so directly, it probably won\u2019t be done at that time. Instead,<strong> <\/strong>include a specific time frame in your request, which allows the person you\u2019re asking to make a concrete commitment. For example, let\u2019s say you want to have a phone call with your son. Sending a text that says, \u201cI\u2019d love to talk to you soon,\u201d is not as specific as, \u201cI\u2019d like to talk with you this weekend. Would you be available at 3:30 pm on Saturday?\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Money. <\/strong>If you\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-ask-for-more-money\/\">asking for money<\/a>, name the amount that you want. For example, saying, \u201cI want a raise\u201d is not as specific as saying, \u201cI\u2019d like a 5 percent raise every six months.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>2. <strong>Assume it\u2019s possible. <\/strong>When you make your request, ask with confidence, imagining that they\u2019ll say yes rather than assuming they\u2019ll say no, whether it\u2019s getting a refund when you don\u2019t have a receipt or upgrading to a suite.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>3. <strong>Ask for the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hiring-the-right-people\/\">right person<\/a>.<\/strong> Make sure that the person you\u2019re asking is the person equipped to handle your request. If not, say something like, \u201cI\u2019d like to speak with the person who directs\u2026?\u201d If you\u2019re not sure who the right person to talk to is, ask, \u201cWho is the person who\u2019s involved with\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>4. <strong>Don\u2019t accept rejection. <\/strong>People may not answer yes for a variety of reasons, but if you ask them again another time, they might say yes because:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You\u2019ve had time to prove your dedication to them or the work.<\/li><li>They\u2019re in a better mood.<\/li><li>The economy improved.<\/li><li>You offer more convincing data or evidence.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>One study found that 60 percent of sales are made <em>after <\/em>the fourth call, but that 94 percent of salespeople give up after the third call. So continue to ask, even if it means asking more times than you\u2019re comfortable with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Activity: List Your Asks<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>To encourage yourself to ask for what you need, work through the different areas of your life. Here are the steps:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>1. <strong>Make a list of things you need to ask for at home, work, and school. <\/strong>Write down how you would benefit from getting each thing you want to ask for. Then, rephrase each item to say, \u201cI want (BLANK) but I don\u2019t ask because I\u2019m afraid of (BLANK).\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>2. <strong>Write your asks for each of the seven categories from Principle 3: Identify What You Want: <\/strong>relationships, leisure, health, finances, community, career, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-grow-as-a-person\/\">personal growth<\/a>. Examples might include hugs, a higher hourly rate, or an endorsement of your work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>A Rejection That Turned Into \u201cYes\u201d: Susan Mabet\u2019s Story<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Susan Mabet grew up in a poor Maasai village in Kenya. She hoped to attend a girl\u2019s boarding school so that she could pursue an education and career beyond being a homemaker like other girls in her village. Where she lived, girls were married young, became pregnant, and often didn\u2019t survive childbirth. In primary school, Mabet studied hard and earned top grades ahead of applying to the only prestigious boarding school in the region, but she didn\u2019t get in\u2014the school accepted 40 girls that year, and she wasn\u2019t one of them. She decided to go talk to the school to make sure there hadn\u2019t been a mistake.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mabet arrived on the first day of classes and asked the principal about the decision as other girls arriving for class looked on. The principal explained that the school only had funding to accept 40 girls and Mabet was 41st on the list. Mabet started to cry and the other girls came to her aid, saying they would share desks and do what it took to allow Mabet to study there. The school agreed and a generous donor later agreed to cover her tuition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Cleaning Up the Mississippi River: Chad Pregracke\u2019s Story<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Chad Pregracke wanted to help clean up the polluted Mississippi River. But because there was more trash than his 20-foot boat could handle, Pregracke decided to ask for money to buy equipment like barges and trucks. He went through the phonebook, asking big companies if they\u2019d donate money. His strong desire to make a difference and his willingness to ask resulted in a variety of companies giving him thousands of dollars to buy the equipment and allowed him to lead tens of thousands of volunteers in cleaning up the Mississippi River and 22 other rivers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does fear of rejection prevent you from getting what you want? How&nbsp;do you ask for what you want in an unobtrusive yet bold and assertive way? Sometimes, all it takes to get what you want is asking for it. But it\u2019s easy to hold yourself back\u2014maybe you\u2019re afraid of rejection, so you decide it\u2019s better not to ask than to face a \u201cno.\u201d&nbsp; Here are some tips on how to ask for what you want to increase your chances of actually getting it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":23330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,21,24],"tags":[423],"class_list":["post-41737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-philosophy","category-society","tag-the-success-principles","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Ask for What You Want: Ask and Receive - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sometimes, all it takes to get what you want is to ask. 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Here&#039;re some tips on how to ask for what you want to up your chances of getting it.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-07-21T17:23:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-07-27T12:15:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/conversation-talking-empathy.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1220\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"650\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"How to Ask for What You Want: Ask and Receive\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-07-21T17:23:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-07-27T12:15:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/\"},\"wordCount\":979,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/conversation-talking-empathy.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Success Principles\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lifestyle\",\"Philosophy\",\"Society\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/\",\"name\":\"How to Ask for What You Want: Ask and Receive - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ask-for-what-you-want\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/conversation-talking-empathy.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-07-21T17:23:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-07-27T12:15:04+00:00\",\"description\":\"Sometimes, all it takes to get what you want is to ask. 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