{"id":38799,"date":"2021-06-09T10:43:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-09T14:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=38799"},"modified":"2021-06-16T19:04:44","modified_gmt":"2021-06-16T23:04:44","slug":"self-comparison","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/","title":{"rendered":"Bren\u00e9 Brown&#8217;s Guidepost #6: Reject Self-Comparison"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-social-comparison\/\">comparing yourself to others<\/a> so damaging? How can you work to reject self-comparison?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bren\u00e9 Brown&#8217;s guidepost #6 from <em>The Gifts of Imperfection <\/em>is to reject self-comparison. She says that when we <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/comparing-ourselves-to-others\/\">compare ourselves to others<\/a>, we begin to conform to society&#8217;s expectations rather than embracing our individuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn more about the dangers of self-comparison <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Reject Comparison<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>We all tend to compare ourselves to others. However, Brown\u2019s sixth guidepost for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wholehearted-living\/\">Wholehearted living<\/a> involves rejecting the temptation to do this: <strong>refusing to engage in comparison because of the damage it can do.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Problem With Self-Comparison<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Self-comparison\u2019s damage lies in the fact that it involves both <strong>competition <\/strong>and <strong>conformity<\/strong>. At first, this might seem counterintuitive. How can we both compete with others <em>and <\/em>strive to conform at the same time? Surely competing with others requires being different from them\u2014specifically, being better?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brown argues that competition and conformity <em>do <\/em>co-exist, and do so very destructively. They feed into each other when you want to be the \u201cbest\u201d in your particular social or societal group\u2014when you want to conform to that group\u2019s standards, and do so \u201cbetter\u201d than everyone else. For example, if you live in a traditional suburb with broadly identical houses, you might want to become \u201cbetter\u201d than your neighbors by having the greenest lawn, the nicest yard, or the most desirable car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>When you allow comparison, competition, and conformity to take over, you lose sight of your inherent worthiness.<\/strong> You begin to base your self-worth on how well you match up against others\u2014on how well you\u2019re conforming. You think you\u2019ll only be worthy if you meet certain standards of behavior. This is incompatible with the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/unconditional-self-acceptance\/\">unconditional self-acceptance<\/a> that underpins true worthiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Constantly comparing yourself to and competing with those around you may also harm your connections. If you compare yourself to someone and decide that you\u2019re \u201cworse\u201d than them, you might become jealous or envious. These negative feelings will erode your bond. Likewise, comparing yourself to someone else and deciding that you\u2019re \u201cbetter\u201d than them is, at its root, a form of judgment. You\u2019ve decided that this person is \u201clesser\u201d than you. This isn\u2019t a good foundation for a strong, equal connection\u2014and it isn\u2019t particularly compassionate, either.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How Can You Reject Comparison?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Letting go of self-comparison can be a tricky task. This way of thinking is deeply ingrained in many of us. However, you can reduce your temptation to compare by recognizing and celebrating your individuality. Acknowledge that everyone, including you, has unique strengths and weaknesses and something original to contribute to the world. Because all humans are fundamentally different, trying to compare yourself to others is pointless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Celebrating your individuality will grow your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/compassion-for-yourself\/\">self-compassion<\/a>. You\u2019ll stop seeing your differences from others as signs that you\u2019re not good enough, and you\u2019ll stop pressuring yourself to conform. Instead, you\u2019ll start to embrace your uniqueness as a part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-makes-you-special\/\">what makes you special<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Power of Creativity<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>You can cultivate your sense of individuality by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-more-creative\/\">being creative<\/a>. Paint, draw, sew, invent new recipes, sculpt, write: Do anything that indulges your creative side. <strong>Being creative cultivates individuality because it involves producing something original using your unique skills. <\/strong>Nobody else has the same creative skillset as you or expresses their creativity in the same way as you. Therefore, your creative talents represent a part of you that\u2019s incomparable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might think that you\u2019re not a very creative person. However, Brown argues that creativity lives within us all. Often, people who claim they aren\u2019t creative are just scared that expressing their creativity will come across as self-indulgent or unproductive and that using it will lead to shame and judgment from others. If you can move past this fear and be creative regardless of what anyone else thinks, you can bring self-expression and worthiness into your life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why is comparing yourself to others so damaging? How can you work to reject self-comparison? Bren\u00e9 Brown&#8217;s guidepost #6 from The Gifts of Imperfection is to reject self-comparison. She says that when we compare ourselves to others, we begin to conform to society&#8217;s expectations rather than embracing our individuality. Continue reading to learn more about the dangers of self-comparison<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":38873,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,24],"tags":[385],"class_list":["post-38799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-self-improvement","category-society","tag-the-gifts-of-imperfection","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bren\u00e9 Brown&#039;s Guidepost #6: Reject Self-Comparison - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Bren\u00e9 Brown says that when we partake in self-comparison, we conform to society&#039;s expectations rather than embracing our individuality.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bren\u00e9 Brown&#039;s Guidepost #6: Reject Self-Comparison\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bren\u00e9 Brown says that when we partake in self-comparison, we conform to society&#039;s expectations rather than embracing our individuality.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-06-09T14:43:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-06-16T23:04:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/society-expectations.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"987\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"638\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Hannah Aster\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f\"},\"headline\":\"Bren\u00e9 Brown&#8217;s Guidepost #6: Reject Self-Comparison\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-06-09T14:43:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-06-16T23:04:44+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/\"},\"wordCount\":666,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/society-expectations.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Gifts of Imperfection\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Self-Improvement\",\"Society\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-comparison\/\",\"name\":\"Bren\u00e9 Brown's Guidepost #6: Reject Self-Comparison - 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