{"id":38795,"date":"2021-06-05T16:04:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-05T20:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=38795"},"modified":"2021-06-16T19:16:47","modified_gmt":"2021-06-16T23:16:47","slug":"overcome-perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/overcome-perfectionism\/","title":{"rendered":"Bren\u00e9 Brown’s Guidepost #2: Overcome Perfectionism"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why is the idea of perfectionism so dangerous to your mental health? How can perfectionism cause “life-paralysis?” What are Bren\u00e9 Brown’s three steps to overcome perfectionism?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism is dangerous because it\u2019s founded on completely unrealistic expectations<\/a>. No matter how hard you try, you\u2019re never going to be perfect. to truly embrace Wholehearted living<\/a>, you need to be able to overcome perfectionism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are Bren\u00e9 Brown’s three tips for overcoming perfectionism<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Combat Perfectionism<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Bren\u00e9 Brown’s second guidepost for living Wholeheartedly<\/a> is to overcome perfectionism<\/strong>. You may see perfectionism as a form of healthy self-improvement. It\u2019s often framed as \u201ctrying to be the best version of yourself.\u201d However, perfectionism is really about trying to control people\u2019s perceptions of you.<\/strong> It\u2019s an attempt to gain approval and acceptance from others by hiding your flaws and projecting the image of being perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The purpose of projecting this perfect image is to avoid facing shame, blame, and judgment from others. Perfectionism tells you that people won\u2019t have a reason to direct these emotions at you if they think you\u2019re perfect. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, perfectionism in the workplace<\/a> may take the form of hiding the fact that you sometimes struggle with your tasks, get stressed, or make mistakes. You do this because you want to project the image of being the \u201cperfect worker.\u201d You believe that this will ensure you avoid facing shame, blame, and judgment from your boss or colleagues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Dangers of Perfectionism<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism is dangerous because it\u2019s founded on completely unrealistic expectations. <\/strong>No matter how hard you try, you\u2019re never going to be perfect. We all make missteps and struggle at times. Consequently, cultivating an image of perfection is impossible. None of us can hide our mistakes and imperfections all of the time. Likewise, you\u2019re never going to be able to fully avoid shame, blame, or judgment. We all experience these emotions at some point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, the perfectionist mindset<\/a> won\u2019t concede that it sets unrealistic standards. Instead, it makes you believe that you didn\u2019t manage to project perfection because you weren\u2019t good enough. You didn\u2019t work hard enough, please people enough, or hide your flaws well enough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This attitude causes you to blame, shame, and judge yourself. You end up experiencing the painful thoughts and emotions<\/a> that you thought perfectionism would repel; thoughts and emotions that are going to do real harm to your sense of worth. For this reason, perfectionism can\u2019t feature in a Wholehearted life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism and Life-Paralysis<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Another of perfectionism\u2019s harmful effects is its tendency to bring on \u201clife-paralysis.\u201d<\/strong> Life-paralysis is being so afraid of doing things imperfectly that you don\u2019t do them at all. You turn down exciting opportunities and refuse to pursue your dreams because you\u2019re terrified of making a mistake, failing, or becoming a disappointment. For example, if you\u2019re offered a promotion at work, you may reject it because you\u2019re afraid that you\u2019ll struggle in the new role or won\u2019t be able to fulfill your new responsibilities \u201cperfectly.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you suffer from life-paralysis, you\u2019re inevitably going to miss out on achievements, new experiences, and joy. To take the example of rejecting a promotion, succumbing to life-paralysis means you\u2019ll miss out on the prestige, success, money, and fulfillment that would come with this new role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Overcome Perfectionism<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s clear that to truly embrace Wholehearted living, you need to be able to overcome perfectionism. To do this, you need to take three steps:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 1:<\/strong> Accept that you, like everyone else in the world, will always be vulnerable to shame, judgment, and blame. Accepting that these emotions are universal and unavoidable takes away perfectionism\u2019s power. After all, perfectionism is rooted in the idea that you can avoid these emotions. Once you realize that you can\u2019t, it becomes pointless. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 2:<\/strong> Focus on developing your shame resilience<\/a>. Having strong shame resilience will make the idea of experiencing shame less scary. You won\u2019t need to avoid shame because you\u2019ll be able to deal with it when it arises. Therefore, you\u2019ll no longer need to engage in perfectionism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 3:<\/strong> Practice self-compassion<\/a>. Being kinder to yourself can help you to embrace your imperfections<\/a>, rather than punish yourself for them or work desperately to hide them. When you think or talk about your flaws, mistakes, or struggles, try to do so without a tone of shame or criticism. For example, try to avoid such thought patterns<\/a> such as \u201cmaking this mistake makes me a bad person\u201d or \u201cif I didn\u2019t have this flaw, I\u2019d be worthy.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, frame your imperfections in a tender and compassionate way. For example, tell yourself, \u201cMy imperfections don\u2019t define me or my worth,\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t need to achieve perfection: I just need to do the best I can under my current circumstances,\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s okay to be imperfect; everyone is.\u201d If you can use self-compassion to convince yourself that it\u2019s okay to be imperfect and make mistakes, you\u2019ll eliminate the need to engage in perfectionism.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why is the idea of perfectionism so dangerous to your mental health? How can perfectionism cause “life-paralysis?” What are Bren\u00e9 Brown’s three steps to overcome perfectionism? Perfectionism is dangerous because it\u2019s founded on completely unrealistic expectations. No matter how hard you try, you\u2019re never going to be perfect. to truly embrace Wholehearted living, you need to be able to overcome perfectionism. Here are Bren\u00e9 Brown’s three tips for overcoming perfectionism.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":38811,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43,24],"tags":[385],"class_list":["post-38795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","category-society","tag-the-gifts-of-imperfection","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nBren\u00e9 Brown's Guidepost #2: Overcome Perfectionism - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Perfectionism is dangerous because it\u2019s founded on unrealistic expectations. 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