{"id":38679,"date":"2021-06-14T20:39:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-15T00:39:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=38679"},"modified":"2021-06-17T10:27:00","modified_gmt":"2021-06-17T14:27:00","slug":"rules-of-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Dale Carnegie: 7 Rules of Happiness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Is happiness a feasible goal to pursue? What are some ways to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cultivate-happiness\/\">cultivate happiness<\/a> and bring more joy into your life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Happiness may seem like an overly ambitious and rather vague goal to strive for. And although the feeling of intense happiness is indeed transient and fleeting, it&#8217;s possible to cultivate and maintain a generally happy mindset with these rules of happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Dale Carnegie&#8217;s seven rules of happiness will help you rediscover the<em> <\/em>joys&nbsp;of life you may have forgotten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">7 Rules for a Happier Mindset&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The happier your everyday mindset is, the harder it will be for worry to take over as your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/innate-emotions\/\">primary emotion<\/a> and the more easily you\u2019ll gloss over <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/small-problems\/\">small problems<\/a> and irritations that could otherwise build into stressful issues. In his book <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/dale-carnegie-how-to-stop-worrying-and-start-living\/\">How to Stop Worrying and Start Living<\/a><\/em>, Dale Carnegie describes seven rules of happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #1: Attitude Is Everything<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Attitude is <em>much<\/em> stronger than we often give it credit for\u2014in fact, it\u2019s strong enough to not only control your mental perceptions but also warp your physical perceptions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>A psychiatric study found that hypnotizing men and telling them that they were very weak reduced their grip strength by 72 pounds, and telling them that they were very strong increased their grip strength by 41 pounds.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>It\u2019s important to be aware of your attitude\u2019s power to control how you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/perception-of-the-world\/\">perceive the world<\/a> around you because many of your problems and worries don\u2019t stem from your actual circumstances\u2014they stem from your perception of your circumstances.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, Carnegie tells the story of a young man who was living a miserable life in Minnesota\u2014he was constantly unhappy about his salary, his looks, his relationship, and his social life. He ran away to Florida, assuming that starting over in a new life would fix everything. But he discovered that he was just as miserable in Florida\u2014the problem wasn\u2019t his life in Minnesota, it was his attitude toward it. He went back to Minnesota with the intent to have a more positive attitude toward his life and went on to live a very happy life.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Even if you\u2019re aware of the importance of approaching problems with a positive attitude, it\u2019s much harder to practice in reality.<\/strong> If you\u2019re in a tough situation, you most likely won\u2019t immediately and fully believe yourself when you say, \u201cI\u2019m happy with the way things have turned out.\u201d However, even if you can\u2019t fully <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/control-your-thoughts\/\">control your thoughts<\/a> and beliefs, you can control your <em>actions<\/em> relatively easily. This is important because how you act has a strong bearing on how you feel. Taking actions to improve your attitude toward a problem is called <em>concern<\/em>\u2014the opposite approach to <em>worry<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><em>Worry<\/em> is emotionally reactive fretting and confusion around an unclear problem. You don\u2019t try to make your attitude better in any way\u2014you give into circling through \u201cwhat ifs\u201d and catastrophizing.&nbsp;<\/li><li><em>Concern <\/em>looks like the process of worry analysis. You understand the situation and work through it rationally and calmly. You think of the actions<em> <\/em>you could take to make your situation clearer and make yourself feel better about it.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>And, adopting a more positive attitude will help eliminate the stress and worry of <\/strong><strong><em>others<\/em><\/strong><strong> from your life.<\/strong> When you\u2019re negative and anxious, you naturally draw out the negativity and anxiety of others. On the other hand, when you\u2019re positive and hopeful, you draw out others\u2019 most positive and hopeful sides.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Shortform Example: Jaw Surgery<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine you\u2019ve recently found out you need jaw surgery, and your jaw will be wired shut for several months during the healing process.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Person A <em>worries<\/em> about the surgery\u2013she worries about how she\u2019ll communicate with people, what she\u2019ll eat, possible surgical complications, and her recovery. She spends a lot of time thinking over possible problems and talking to her friends and family about them\u2014making them anxious on her behalf.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Patient B <em>concerns herself <\/em>with the surgery. She purchases a notepad in case she can\u2019t make herself understood, reads online forums with information from other patients who have gone through the same experience, and looks forward to collecting smoothie recipes so she can eat something she enjoys. She reaches out to friends and family, inviting them over so she\u2019ll have company during the recovery.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>By approaching a stressful surgery with a good attitude, Patient B has ensured not only that she\u2019s informed about the experience of surgery and recovery, but also that she\u2019s preemptively solved her communication problem and set up treats to look forward to, such as smoothie testing and visits from friends.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #2: Don\u2019t Try to Get Even<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Holding grudges and keeping enemies has tempted everyone at some point in their lives. But keeping someone as an enemy doesn\u2019t harm them <em>nearly<\/em> as much as it harms you. Grudge-holding can clutter your mind, deteriorate your physical health with effects such as high blood pressure and insomnia, and interrupt your happiness if you feel that you can\u2019t be happy while your enemy is <em>also<\/em> happy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Keep in mind that people can only worry or bother you as much as <\/strong><strong><em>you allow them to.<\/em><\/strong><strong> <\/strong>Stop holding grudges, and you automatically take away others\u2019 power to occupy your thoughts or rule your emotions.<strong> <\/strong>There are three ways to combat your temptation to hold a grudge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1) Forgive and Forget<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The best way to keep moving forward without wasting <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/mental-energy\/\">mental energy<\/a> on someone you dislike is to forgive them as soon as you can for what they did and simply refuse to think about it. If they\u2019ve taught you a valuable lesson, take your forgiveness a courageous step further by <em>thanking them<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, Carnegie tells the story of a man who applied for a job as a correspondent in Sweden\u2014he was fluent in Swedish, but not a native speaker. He received a very rude letter in response that not only rejected him for the job but also insulted his language skills. He was tempted to respond with an equally rude letter but realized that his critic, a native speaker, might be correct about his Swedish skills. He decided to send a letter of thanks, as the rejection set him on a path to improvement. Impressed by his humble response, his critic invited him for an interview and gave him a job.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2) Distract Yourself With a Bigger Cause<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re deeply involved in a cause you\u2019re passionate about, it\u2019s easier to ignore insults. If you feel like giving in to feelings of anger, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-push-yourself\/\">push yourself<\/a> further into your cause and commit to proving your critics wrong.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Imagine you\u2019re a teacher who\u2019s passionate about creating teaching methods that make lessons fun and exciting. Some of your more traditional colleagues openly insult your methods, calling them a waste of time and suggesting that your students aren\u2019t learning effectively. Instead of feeling angry or resentful about their insults, immerse yourself in your teaching vision. Their words won\u2019t matter when you\u2019re busy improving your methods, tracking and celebrating growth, and proving that your system works.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3) Put Yourself in Their Shoes&nbsp;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>We often fall victim to the <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-fundamental-attribution-error\/\">fundamental attribution error<\/a><\/em>\u2014that is, we blame others\u2019 shortcomings or negative actions on their character, but when <em>we<\/em> fall short or behave badly, we take into account the circumstances that caused it to happen.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, if you saw someone speeding on the highway, you\u2019d think they\u2019re a reckless driver. But if you were speeding on the highway, you\u2019d justify your actions: \u201cI\u2019m late for an important meeting. I <em>have<\/em> to drive fast.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019d been raised in the very same environment as the person you\u2019re holding a grudge against and were put in the same situation as them, you\u2019d likely have acted exactly as they did. Attribute their wrongdoing to circumstance, not their character, and leave it behind you\u2014as you\u2019d hope they\u2019d do for you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #3: Expect Lack of Gratitude&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Gratitude is a cultivated practice\u2014ingratitude<\/strong><strong><em> <\/em><\/strong><strong>is human nature. <\/strong>Expecting<em> <\/em>natural gratitude from others will only lead to frequent disappointment or resentment on your part. <em>Demanding<\/em> gratitude is also unfulfilling because the demand makes it into an obligation\u2014the delivery feels insincere. It\u2019s better to expect no gratitude at all and be delighted when you do receive it. <strong>Focus instead on the joy of giving without expecting anything in return, and expressing gratitude yourself.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You might celebrate Christmas by anonymously donating toys to children whose parents can\u2019t afford presents.&nbsp;<\/li><li>You might send your friends handwritten notes every time they do you a favor, like taking you out for lunch or helping you with child care.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Besides making you and the people around you happier, your consistent and earnest expressions of gratitude will naturally cultivate a stronger sense of gratitude in others and show them how to meaningfully express it. Regular demonstrations of gratitude are especially important for parents to perform\u2014by doing so, you raise grateful children.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, if you receive an ugly vase, don\u2019t let your children overhear you talking about how awful it is. Instead, say, \u201cLook at this vase Kate gave us! She knows how much we love to pick flowers in the spring. Let\u2019s write her a thank you note together.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #4: Count Your Blessings<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you take time to reflect on the ratio of good to bad in your life, you\u2019ll likely find that the good<em> far<\/em> outweighs the bad. Unfortunately, we often waste what we <em>do<\/em> have by pining for the things we <em>don\u2019t <\/em>have. Consciously attribute more of your mental energy to the good aspects of your life than the bad. Some blessings you can reflect on include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>The way your body functions. Are you able to see and hear? Are you able to walk?<\/li><li>Small joys in your life such as having your favorite coffee in the morning, or feeling the sun on your face.&nbsp;<\/li><li>The people in your life. Your ability to spend time with them isn\u2019t infinite\u2014reflect on how much of a blessing it is to be with them now.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #5: Find\u2014and Act Like\u2014Yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>One of the easiest ways to make yourself anxious and unhappy is to reject who you <\/strong><strong><em>are<\/em><\/strong><strong> and strive to be someone different. <\/strong>It\u2019s natural to wish that you had the same looks, skills, or abilities as others\u2014but this is a waste of time. Instead, focus on the extraordinary fact that <em>you<\/em> are the only version of yourself in the world.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead of trying to become an imitation of others, put your time and energy toward finding who you are\u2014your skills, your passions, and so on\u2014and developing your positive aspects.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, instead of wasting your time wishing that you were more outgoing and outdoorsy, you might embrace your introverted, homebody tendencies and discover that you have a natural knack designing cozy, stylish indoor spaces.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #6: When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemonade<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The difference between wisdom and foolishness is the way you react to setbacks or disappointments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><em>Foolishness <\/em>reacts to the setback by immediately giving up, accepting defeat, and wallowing in worry and self-pity.&nbsp;<\/li><li><em>Wisdom <\/em>approaches a setback as an opportunity for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/keep-learning-keep-growing\/\">learning and growth<\/a>. A wise person asks themselves: What can I learn from this situation? How can I improve the situation? Is there something positive to be gained here?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Happiness doesn\u2019t come only from comfort and pleasure. It can also come from the sense of achievement you feel after overcoming adversity\u2014in this way, setbacks can <\/strong><strong><em>contribute<\/em><\/strong><strong> to happiness if you react to them wisely.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, Carnegie met a farmer who moved to a plot of land with poor soil that prevented anything from growing in it. Furthermore, his land was overrun by rattlesnakes. Instead of giving up on the farm, the man decided to find a way to use this setback to his advantage and improve his situation. He started canning rattlesnake meat, opened a rattlesnake farm that became a hot tourist destination, and sold rattlesnake venom to laboratories all over the country. Not only did he get the satisfaction of success, but also the satisfaction of completely turning around a near-impossible situation.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Trying to turn a setback into a positive experience can be overwhelming or discouraging. It\u2019s difficult to look at everything going poorly and envision how it might turn out well. When facing the task of turning a setback to your advantage, keep two thoughts in mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You might succeed. Simply by <em>trying<\/em>, you give yourself a chance.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Even if you don\u2019t succeed, this exercise is a great opportunity to stimulate your thinking and expand your imagination. Trying to make a negative into a positive pushes you to think in completely new, progressive, and creative ways.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rule #7: Find Ways to Do Good for Others&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Break through self-centered worry and self-pity by committing to doing at least one good deed for someone else every day. When you\u2019re thinking of others and connecting with them, you\u2019re naturally distracted from thinking about yourself and your worries. And interpersonal connections engage you more deeply with your life, preventing you from feeling anxious, restless, and bored.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are opportunities to connect with and be kind toward others all around you every day. Everyone you encounter\u2014the cashier at Starbucks, the mail carrier at work, your doorman, and so on\u2014would love to connect with someone else. Simply ask them how they\u2019re doing and how their day is going.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Another advantage of this practice is that, in addition to distracting yourself from your worries, you can make new friends and hear interesting stories.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Recall that you can change your <em>attitude<\/em> with your <em>actions. <\/em><strong>When you focus on being positive toward others and treating them as well as you can, some of your outward positivity naturally turns inward.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is happiness a feasible goal to pursue? What are some ways to cultivate happiness and bring more joy into your life? Happiness may seem like an overly ambitious and rather vague goal to strive for. And although the feeling of intense happiness is indeed transient and fleeting, it&#8217;s possible to cultivate and maintain a generally happy mindset with these rules of happiness. Dale Carnegie&#8217;s seven rules of happiness will help you rediscover the joys&nbsp;of life you may have forgotten.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8138,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43,6],"tags":[384],"class_list":["post-38679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","category-spiritual","tag-how-to-stop-worrying-and-start-living","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Dale Carnegie: 7 Rules of Happiness - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"These seven rules of happiness can help you develop a generally happy mindset. That way, you can be happy no matter what happens.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dale Carnegie: 7 Rules of Happiness\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"These seven rules of happiness can help you develop a generally happy mindset. That way, you can be happy no matter what happens.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-06-15T00:39:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-06-17T14:27:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/happy-proactive-7-habots-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"12 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Dale Carnegie: 7 Rules of Happiness\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-06-15T00:39:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-06-17T14:27:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/\"},\"wordCount\":2375,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/happy-proactive-7-habots-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"How To Stop Worrying and Start Living\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Self-Improvement\",\"Spiritual\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/\",\"name\":\"Dale Carnegie: 7 Rules of Happiness - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rules-of-happiness\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/happy-proactive-7-habots-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-06-15T00:39:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-06-17T14:27:00+00:00\",\"description\":\"These seven rules of happiness can help you develop a generally happy mindset. 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