{"id":38057,"date":"2021-06-05T15:44:51","date_gmt":"2021-06-05T19:44:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=38057"},"modified":"2026-01-22T14:12:52","modified_gmt":"2026-01-22T18:12:52","slug":"realationships-with-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/realationships-with-others\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationships With Others: Finding Flow"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How do your relationships with others affect your quality of life? How can finding a community help you reach the flow state<\/a> of mind?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because we depend on people\u2019s affirmation, learning to improve the quality of your relationships will improve the overall quality of your life. Like any other flow activity, relationships won\u2019t stay enjoyable without adding complexity and challenge to them over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn how to find flow<\/a> in your relationships with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Finding Flow in Your Relationships <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

After enjoying your work<\/a>, the second biggest influence on your happiness is your relationships with others, including friends, family, and community. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

From an evolutionary perspective, being together provides safety in numbers, allowing for the survival of more group members. Having people around tends to improve any activity, even tedious work<\/a>, such as working on an assembly line, and boosts positive emotions. However, some of our most severe upsets come from relationships. For example, unresolved disagreements with your significant other can erode the quality of the relationship. Like most important things in life, relationships are amazing when they work out and distressing when they don\u2019t. Interacting with the same person can be positive or stressful. For example, you might receive a compliment from a supervisor on one of your projects, and later that day, receive criticism from that same supervisor for how you\u2019re managing another project. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because we depend on people\u2019s affirmation, learning to improve the quality of your relationships will improve the overall quality of your life.<\/strong> You might feel motivated to do this simply in hopes of manipulating people. However, learning to appreciate people<\/a> for their inherent qualities rather than how they can help you achieve your goals<\/a> is more important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Flow in Relationships: Family, Friends, and Community<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Now that you understand the function of solitude, we\u2019ll discuss how to improve your relationships<\/a> with your family, friends, and community.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Family<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Three factors shape our connection to our families:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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  1. Biology<\/strong>. As mammals, we depend on our families to take care of us when we\u2019re young and we tend to interact more with our relatives than people outside of our families. When adults feel attached to young and each other, the young survive and the adults pass along their genes.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Culture.<\/strong> Despite our biological tendency to feel attached to our family members, we may or may not feel attached to them depending on how our culture shapes our interactions. For example, Germany used to be divided into numerous areas of government, each with one of two systems of inheritance: Either a family\u2019s sons divided their family\u2019s estate equally, or the eldest son inherited the whole estate. Though there\u2019s no concrete reason why a location chose a certain system, the expectation created by the system likely affected the relationship among the sons of a family.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Willingness to invest in each other\u2019s goals. <\/strong>The quality of a family\u2019s relationships depends on how willing its members are to invest in each other\u2019s goals and adjust their behavior. For example, in a romantic relationship, both people have to adjust to align their goals and interests. Something as simple as going out to a restaurant requires coordinating schedules and deciding where to eat.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Romantic Relationship: Starting Off<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    Maintaining a relationship is similar to playing a game: You agree to abide by a certain set of rules. Though these rules limit your behavior, they allow you to focus on something specific. For example, choosing to have a monogamous relationship<\/a> limits your romantic and sexual activity to one person, but it also frees you to invest in creating a thriving relationship with that person rather than wondering about potential others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    If you aren\u2019t willing to adjust your behavior to suit your partner, then the relationship might be marred by your reality clashing with your expectations. For example, as a single person, you may have wanted to vacation in Hawaii for a few weeks a year. When you marry and have children, you may not be able to afford this vacation, and it might not make sense to be away from your family for so long. If you don\u2019t modify your old goal to better match your new reality, you\u2019ll feel conflicted. Changing your goals involves reordering your consciousness, and changing yourself<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Romantic Relationship: Bigger Commitments and Goals<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

    Turning family relationships into a flow experience<\/a> is similar to other flow experiences: You and your partner need to have a unified goal that is complex and meaningful. Deciding to be married and\/or have children because you know lots of people doing it might compel you to do those things, but they may not be enough to keep the relationship enjoyable and sustainable.<\/strong> If you do have a child, you need short-term and long-term goals that focus your energy and theirs. For example, you might want to lead a household that adheres to a specific religion, or you might want to help your children excel in school<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Goals should have these characteristics:<\/p>\n\n\n\n