{"id":37003,"date":"2021-05-26T10:31:00","date_gmt":"2021-05-26T14:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=37003"},"modified":"2025-09-15T10:46:57","modified_gmt":"2025-09-15T14:46:57","slug":"motherhood-and-career","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/","title":{"rendered":"Motherhood and Career: Can You Have It All?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How do you balance motherhood and career? Do you think you can strike a perfect balance between your personal and professional life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHaving it all\u201d \u2014a perfect balance of a rewarding career, great marriage, and happy motherhood\u2014is a myth that women have been taught to believe is possible. You can pursue a professional life and a personal life, but it won\u2019t be perfect and it will require compromises and sacrifices every day\u2014whether you are working by choice or necessity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While there’s no perfection possible when it comes to motherhood and career, you can still pursue both by making some adjustments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of\u00a0Shortform’s guide to career development<\/a>. If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Myth of “Having It All”<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Women with careers are constantly get asked, \u201cHow do you juggle it all\u201d? This question implies, \u201cYou have to be messing something up,\u201d feeding on women\u2019s feelings of guilt and inadequacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When women feel they are not achieving perfection at home and work, they may end up leaving the workforce<\/a>. Trying to do it all perfectly is a recipe for disappointment.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A better approach is to identify the real priorities at home and work. Be a perfectionist only in things that demand it, and for the rest, aim for \u201csustainable and fulfilling\u201d instead of \u201cperfection.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is certainly no perfection possible in parenting. You can\u2019t prepare for its constant, surprising challenges and variables. Facebook has a prominent sign that offers great advice for moms in and out of the workforce: \u201cDone is better than perfect.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set Limits for Yourself at Work<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a woman\u2019s responsibility to set limits for hours spent at work. In fact, long-term success in the workforce often depends on not<\/em> meeting every demand and taking on every task. Burnout is the number one reason good employees leave a challenging job. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often, no one is demanding a woman work the schedule she\u2019s taken on; she puts pressure on herself because she fears losing respect, prestige and even her job. Sandberg knows this dilemma intimately. She planned to take three months off when her son was born, but found herself unable to \u201cunplug\u201d for fear of missing out, being replaced and ultimately not being needed at work. Ultimately, she felt she let herself and her baby down by not being fully present during this time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Sandberg\u2019s baby grew, she realized she had to set her own schedule, make priority changes, and stick to them. She set reasonable work hours in the office and became more efficient, maximizing<\/a> every minute and cutting unnecessary meetings<\/a>. She found ways to do more work at home after spending time with her kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This dilemma cropped up again when she moved to Facebook and needed to fit in with its \u201cnight owl\u201d culture and the demands of a startup. She began missing more and more time with her kids but once again realized it was up to her to set limits. She began forcing herself to leave the office at 5:30 and regained her balance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Workplace Doesn\u2019t Always Make Setting Limits Easy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Setting and keeping limits for yourself at work is hard; the workplace is more demanding than ever. Moms don\u2019t want to be perceived as less dedicated to their jobs, so they overwork to overcompensate the perception. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mothers and fathers alike are wary of taking advantage of flextime arrangements out of fear they\u2019ll be penalized. \u201cFace time\u201d in the office is still seen as important. Data shows this to be true: employees who take advantage of flextime are seen as less dedicated and penalized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These perceptions need to change. <\/strong>Data suggests working from home might actually be more<\/em> productive, and technology allows you to do much more at home. (But technology is a double-edged sword<\/a> as it extends the workday; we have to be aware and set limits at home.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As more companies move toward flexible policies, the \u201cface time\u201d perception will be replaced by a focus on results<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Intensive Mothering Challenge<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Motherhood demands have ramped up, adding to the pressure working moms feel. In the prior generation, moms were available but not intensively present. For example, in 1975 they spent about 11 hours per week in primary care. In 2011 that number was 17 hours for stay-at-home moms and 11 for working moms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So even though working moms spend as much time with their kids as stay-at-home moms used to, it\u2019s no longer considered good enough. Sociologists call this elevated emphasis on time spent with children \u201cintensive mothering,\u201d a phenomenon that makes moms who work feel like failures in comparison to stay-at-home moms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sandberg also felt this guilt, so she relied on data to ease her mind: studies comparing exclusive maternal care vs. child care showed kids had no gap<\/strong> in cognitive skills, social skills and ability to maintain and build relationships. \u201cExclusive maternal care\u201d was not related to any better or worse outcomes for kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make the Best Choices You Can<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Maybe women can\u2019t strike a perfect balance between motherhood and career, but they can<\/em> do what\u2019s most important for them and their families. Success is making the best choices we can and accepting them. Sharing struggles authentically helps other women because they can see no one is perfect and everyone is just trying to do their best.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How do you balance motherhood and career? Do you think you can strike a perfect balance between your personal and professional life? \u201cHaving it all\u201d \u2014a perfect balance of a rewarding career, great marriage, and happy motherhood\u2014is a myth that women have been taught to believe is possible. You can pursue a professional life and a personal life, but it won\u2019t be perfect and it will require compromises and sacrifices every day\u2014whether you are working by choice or necessity. While there’s no perfection possible when it comes to motherhood and career, you can still pursue both by making some adjustments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":37032,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,24,30],"tags":[302],"class_list":["post-37003","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-society","category-work","tag-lean-in","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nMotherhood and Career: Can You Have It All? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cHaving it all\u201d \u2014a perfect balance of a career, marriage, and motherhood\u2014is a myth that women have been taught to believe is possible.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Motherhood and Career: Can You Have It All?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cHaving it all\u201d \u2014a perfect balance of a career, marriage, and motherhood\u2014is a myth that women have been taught to believe is possible.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-05-26T14:31:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-09-15T14:46:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/motherhood-parenting-career-woman-children.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1920\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1080\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Motherhood and Career: Can You Have It All?\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-26T14:31:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-09-15T14:46:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/\"},\"wordCount\":921,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/motherhood-parenting-career-woman-children.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Lean In\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Career\",\"Society\",\"Work\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/motherhood-and-career\/\",\"name\":\"Motherhood and Career: Can You Have It All? 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