{"id":35930,"date":"2021-06-02T18:17:01","date_gmt":"2021-06-02T22:17:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=35930"},"modified":"2021-06-03T21:42:56","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T01:42:56","slug":"honesty-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Honesty in a Relationship: Why It&#8217;s Essential"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you always honest in your relationship? Do you ever tell small lies to avoid discomfort? Why is being agreeable actually detrimental? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When your partner asks, &#8220;do I look good?&#8221; the obvious answer would be, &#8220;yes.&#8221; But what if you actually think their polka dot shirt clashes with their striped pants? Do you tell them? Yes, because honesty in a relationship is more important than agreeableness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to find out why honesty in a relationship is more important than peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Building Trust in a Relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Trust is a vital component in a relationship. You have to trust each other enough to be honest: to say what you really think and feel, and to tolerate rejection (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/saying-no\/\">saying no<\/a> and hearing no).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That means being honest in a relationship, even about even simple things \u2014 for instance, in a situation where two people are getting ready to go out, and one asks the other, \u201cHow do I look?\u201d Many partners lie to avoid discomfort in answering that question. But honesty in a relationship is more important than feeling good in the moment. <strong>Being honest about small things sets the stage for being honest about bigger things.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Conflict and differences also help to build trust. In fact, conflict is necessary because <strong>when people can disagree, it means the relationship isn\u2019t conditional or dependent on keeping one or the other happy<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>If someone always agrees with you, they\u2019re not being honest and you can\u2019t trust what they say. Working out differences openly is preferable to manipulation and dissembling.<\/li><li>Rejection is part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-is-trust-earned\/\">building trust<\/a>. If both people in a relationship cannot say no and accept no in turn, one partner\u2019s values and problems may dominate the relationship.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You can\u2019t <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-maintain-a-healthy-relationship\/\">have a healthy relationship<\/a> without trust. If you don\u2019t trust someone, you don\u2019t believe it when they say they love you. Also, you don\u2019t feel loved unless you can trust that it\u2019s not based on conditions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">When Trust Can&#8217;t Be Repaired<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>However, cheating destroys trust. If trust can\u2019t be repaired, the relationship is over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>People who cheat are valuing something else more than the relationship. Whatever the value is \u2014 validation or power, for instance \u2014 it\u2019s not compatible with a healthy relationship.<\/li><li>Most cheaters apologize when caught and promise never to do it again, but that won\u2019t fix the relationship. Fixing it, if that\u2019s even possible, is a lengthy and painful process. The cheater needs to uncover and acknowledge the value that broke the relationship, and then decide whether it or the relationship is more important.<\/li><li>Next, the cheater needs to build a track record of improved behavior. It has to be a long one \u2014 trust can\u2019t be rebuilt without time and painful struggle.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>This process applies to repairing any relationship where trust has been broken: The transgressor owns up to the values that led to the rift; and proves he\/she values the relationship through improved behavior over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may be able to repair one breach of trust, like gluing a broken plate back together. But if trust is broken again, the relationship (like the previously broken plate) is damaged this time beyond repair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you always honest in your relationship? Do you ever tell small lies to avoid discomfort? Why is being agreeable actually detrimental? When your partner asks, &#8220;do I look good?&#8221; the obvious answer would be, &#8220;yes.&#8221; But what if you actually think their polka dot shirt clashes with their striped pants? Do you tell them? Yes, because honesty in a relationship is more important than agreeableness. Keep reading to find out why honesty in a relationship is more important than peace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":36305,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[290],"class_list":["post-35930","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Honesty in a Relationship: Why It&#039;s Essential - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If your partner asks if they look good, think twice before saying, &quot;yes.&quot; Honesty in a relationship is more important than agreeableness.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Honesty in a Relationship: Why It&#039;s Essential\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If your partner asks if they look good, think twice before saying, &quot;yes.&quot; Honesty in a relationship is more important than agreeableness.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-06-02T22:17:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-06-04T01:42:56+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/dont-lie.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"922\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"444\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Hannah Aster\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f\"},\"headline\":\"Honesty in a Relationship: Why It&#8217;s Essential\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-06-02T22:17:01+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-06-04T01:42:56+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/\"},\"wordCount\":545,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/dont-lie.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/honesty-in-a-relationship\/\",\"name\":\"Honesty in a Relationship: Why It's Essential - 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