{"id":35554,"date":"2021-05-28T09:20:13","date_gmt":"2021-05-28T13:20:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=35554"},"modified":"2021-06-03T21:41:18","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T01:41:18","slug":"seeking-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/seeking-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Seeking Happiness Will Make You More Unhappy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why is overcoming obstacles<\/a> an essential part of happiness? Wouldn’t we be happier if our lives were carefree?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of us seek happiness as if it’s an achievement to be won. However, happiness is not a reward, it’s something that grows from overcoming challenges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn why you should stop seeking happiness<\/a> and embrace life’s struggles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Stop Seeking Happiness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Many people in our culture view seeking happiness as if it’s a formula that can be solved. For instance, we may think: If I get a certain thing or do a certain thing, such as marry the right person<\/a> or live in the right community, I\u2019ll be happy. Or, we treat happiness as something we can earn or acquire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, happiness isn\u2019t something you get in return for an achievement<\/strong> (such as a new job) or something to be found in a \u201ctop 10 steps\u201d article from a self-help guru. It\u2019s not something that\u2019s given or that you passively receive, or that is waiting for you somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Happiness grows from solving problems or overcoming challenges<\/strong> \u2014 an activity that improves our lives, creates satisfaction, and is ongoing (creating yet more satisfaction).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Being unhappy or dissatisfied is a necessary component. As the Buddha<\/a> taught, pain and loss are integral to life and we shouldn\u2019t resist them, but rather allow them to lead us to something better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Suffering and dissatisfaction are actually part of our biology.<\/strong> Dissatisfaction and insecurity spurred our ancestors to search out, build, and fight for better living conditions. They are a survival mechanism for advancing our species that is still useful in motivating us to improve our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a result, we will always live with a certain amount of dissatisfaction \u2014 we\u2019re designed to always be dissatisfied with what we have and wanting what we don\u2019t have<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dissatisfaction in the form of physical or emotional pain<\/a> tells us what to pay attention to and tells us our limits.  It can be healthy or necessary \u2014 from it we learn what to do differently in the future. For instance, when we get burned, we learn not to touch a hot stove again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pain also indicates something is out of whack, and spurs us to fix it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Struggle is Part of Happiness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Most people can easily answer the question, \u201cWhat do you want from life?\u201d They say the same things: They seek a happy, carefree life, with all the things they desire. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But because happiness grows from solving problems and overcoming challenges, it requires struggle \u2014 for instance you might struggle to improve your relationship<\/a> skills, or to become physically fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The real question is: What are you willing to fight for? What pain are you willing to endure to get what you want? <\/strong>Your answer determines how your life turns out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, many people want the promotion to the corner office but not the 65-hour work weeks it takes to get there and stay there. Author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck<\/em> Mark Manson liked the idea of becoming a musician, but eventually realized he didn\u2019t have the motivation to do the work required to get there. (Our culture would define this as a failure, but actually it meant that he didn\u2019t really want to be a musician in the first place.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often people fixate on the results<\/strong> they want, and ignore the process<\/strong> required to achieve it. Or, they settle for what\u2019s easier, to avoid a struggle. But they end up unhappy, because struggle is a necessary component of achieving the satisfaction that comes from taking on challenges and solving problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You have to accept and engage with (not try to avoid) the negative aspects of an experience in order to get to the positive ones<\/strong>. Again, you don\u2019t end up with a great body without the pain of exercising. You can\u2019t be a successful entrepreneur if you don\u2019t deal with the risks, failures, and long hours needed to get a new business started. The same applies to love, which entails emotional pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You must choose what kind of pain\/struggle is meaningful to you. You don\u2019t get to stop striving in life because striving for worthwhile things, as opposed to superficial things, is the point. Your trajectory should be an ongoing upward spiral of solving more and more problems.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why is overcoming obstacles an essential part of happiness? Wouldn’t we be happier if our lives were carefree? Many of us seek happiness as if it’s an achievement to be won. However, happiness is not a reward, it’s something that grows from overcoming challenges. 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