{"id":35553,"date":"2021-05-23T09:30:36","date_gmt":"2021-05-23T13:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=35553"},"modified":"2021-06-03T21:40:24","modified_gmt":"2021-06-04T01:40:24","slug":"the-feedback-loop-from-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-feedback-loop-from-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"The Feedback Loop From Hell: How Negativity Stacks"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do negative emotions tend to stack on one another? What caused the stigma around negative emotions? How can we escape this feedback loop from Hell? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know the feeling: you get angry, then you get angry at yourself for getting angry, then you’re angry about being angry over being angry. It’s the feedback loop from Hell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn what causes the emotional feedback loop and how to escape it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Trapped in the Feedback Loop From Hell<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Unlike animals, we have the unique ability to think and examine our thoughts. This ability, combined with our fixation on being happy all the time, can create an unproductive feedback loop (or as Mark Manson calls it in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, <\/em>the feedback loop from Hell) in which our feelings spiral out of control whenever we begin to feel bad about something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For instance, suppose you have a problem with getting angry about small things. You know you shouldn\u2019t, but you get ticked off about something. You then start to get even more angry about getting ticked off in the first place. You berate yourself for that too, because you\u2019re not supposed to be getting angry. In effect, you\u2019re angry at yourself for getting angry about getting angry. You can get into negative feedback loops<\/a> with other emotions as well, like feeling anxious about feeling anxious, or guilty about feeling guilty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We feel bad about feeling bad because of our culturally driven belief that we shouldn\u2019t <\/em>feel bad<\/strong> \u2014 that guilt, anxiety, fear, and other negative feelings are not OK. This creates the feedback loop from Hell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Social media reinforces this by depicting other people in happy situations all the time<\/strong> \u2014 on Facebook people tout their greatest experiences and accomplishments. This can leave us feeling inadequate<\/a> by comparison. When we don\u2019t feel happy all the time too, we feel there is something wrong with us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By contrast, back in your grandfather\u2019s time, people weren\u2019t constantly flooded with images of other people leading ecstatic, perfect lives. And so they didn\u2019t obsess as much over feeling bad. When your grandfather felt bad, he was more likely to shake it off because he had too much work to do to waste time feeling sorry for himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The key to breaking out of the feedback loop from hell is to not take your feelings so seriously \u2014 to not give a f*ck. Tell yourself: Things are screwed up and I feel bad, but so what. <\/strong>This frees you to stop berating yourself because you feel bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Giving Too Many F*cks<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The problem with trying to not give a f*ck is that we have so many options and opportunities that we don\u2019t know what to give a f*ck about, and we end up obsessing about every little thing<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We spend too much of our time caring about things not worth our time. For instance, we get upset when a favorite show is canceled, when someone cuts in line, or we feel slighted. This siphons energy from caring about more important things. We can\u2019t care about everything equally \u2014 we have a limited number of f*cks to give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We keep giving too many f*cks because we feel entitled<\/a> to perpetual happiness and comfort, and expect everything to be the way we want it.<\/strong> This leads to meltdowns as little things take on huge proportions. For instance, disagreements seem to be betrayals, inconveniences become insults, challenges feel like failures. It\u2019s a personal feedback loop that keeps you from getting anywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Counterculture philosopher Alan Watts<\/a> referred to this as the \u201cbackwards law:\u201d The more you strive to feel better and happier, the less satisfied you become \u2014 because pursuing something reminds you that you don\u2019t have it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We need to learn how to choose what matters and what doesn\u2019t based on a set of personal values we identify. Learning to prioritize and focus is difficult \u2014 but it may be our most important task in life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do negative emotions tend to stack on one another? What caused the stigma around negative emotions? How can we escape this feedback loop from Hell? You know the feeling: you get angry, then you get angry at yourself for getting angry, then you’re angry about being angry over being angry. It’s the feedback loop from Hell. Continue reading to learn what causes the emotional feedback loop and how to escape it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":35715,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,43],"tags":[290],"class_list":["post-35553","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Feedback Loop From Hell: How Negativity Stacks - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you ever gotten angry at yourself for being angry? This is the feedback loop from Hell. 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