{"id":35160,"date":"2021-05-16T11:07:00","date_gmt":"2021-05-16T15:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=35160"},"modified":"2025-10-03T10:54:32","modified_gmt":"2025-10-03T14:54:32","slug":"strong-friendships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Build Strong Friendships: Skills for Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What makes a strong friendship? How can we maintain strong friendships with people we care about? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Strong friendships are the one thing that everyone\u2014scientists, philosophers, and happiness experts\u2014can agree is a major contributor to overall happiness and life satisfaction.&nbsp;But <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-maintain-friendships\/\">maintaining friendships<\/a> takes effort, especially as we get older and take on more responsibilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss some ways you can cultivate and maintain strong friendships throughout life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p><em>Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/friendship-guide\/\">Shortform\u2019s guide to friendships<\/a>. If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-crucial-role-friendship-play-in-your-well-being\">The Crucial Role Friendship Play in Your Well-Being<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There are a number of studies that back up the importance of strong, meaningful friendships\u2014they make activities more enjoyable, lower your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/risk-of-depression\/\">risk of depression<\/a>, and can even boost your immune system. <strong>We\u2019ll discuss three resolutions that can reinforce your existing friendships and help you make new connections: making the effort, cultivating a friendlier spirit, and pursuing new connections.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-make-the-effort\"><strong>Make the Effort<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Maintaining friendship takes a lot of work, and this work can easily get lost in your busy everyday life. Take the initiative in your friendships to be the one who makes an effort to <em>stay in touch<\/em> and <em>follow through with plans.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-stay-in-touch\"><strong>Stay in Touch<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Reaching out to old friends to let them know you\u2019re thinking of them is a small gesture that goes a long way toward strengthening bonds. The resolution to keep in touch might look like making a list of friends you\u2019ve been meaning to reach out to, and contacting one of them each Saturday afternoon. Or, you might set a date\u2014like the first day of summer or Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014as your \u201ccheck-in\u201d day.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While a quick check-in won\u2019t guarantee the level of closeness you had before you lost touch\u2014as it\u2019s likely you\u2019re both busy or live far apart\u2014the reminder of companionship will give both of you a moment of rejuvenation in your day.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-follow-through-with-plans-nbsp\"><strong>Follow Through With Plans&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If you don\u2019t show up for plans with your friends, your friendships will have a much harder time surviving.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>Showing up<\/em> looks like saying, \u201cLet\u2019s get coffee\u201d and then actually making plans, going to housewarming parties, visiting your friend after they have a baby, or going to events put on by friends.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>When you show up for events in others\u2019 lives, no matter how small or large, you strengthen your bond with them\u2014while this can deepen an already <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-people-closest-to-you\/\">close relationship<\/a>, it can also push a new friendship toward \u201cclose\u201d friendship due to the <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/mere-exposure-effect-example\/\">mere exposure effect<\/a>. <\/em><strong>The more people are exposed to something\u2014such as sounds, colors, or people\u2014the more they naturally start to like it. <\/strong>Therefore, the more people see you, the more they\u2019ll like you, and vice versa.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-cultivate-a-friendlier-spirit\"><strong>Cultivate a Friendlier Spirit<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Strong friendships don\u2019t depend solely on the motions of companionship\u2014you have to cultivate a positive, supportive mindset that lends itself to building and strengthening relationships.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-stop-gossiping\"><strong>Stop Gossiping<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Gossip is tempting because it <em>does<\/em> have social benefits. It makes you feel closer to other people and it helps you understand the values of the group you\u2019re in. <strong>But, benefits aside, gossip is mean-spirited and detrimental to your happiness and the happiness of others.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>It\u2019s hurtful, and after you take part in it, you\u2019re likely to feel the unhappy emotion of guilt.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Gossip is a quick way to put <em>your<\/em> opinions in the minds of others. This is unfair because they don\u2019t get the opportunity to make their own positive opinion of someone.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>When you attribute certain characteristics to another person, the person listening to you subconsciously attributes those characteristics to <\/strong><strong><em>you<\/em><\/strong>. For example, if you say, \u201cI think Joe is stupid and horrible with the club\u2019s finances,\u201d your listener subconsciously thinks, \u201cI think <em>you\u2019re<\/em> stupid and bad with finances.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Putting a stop to gossiping has two parts.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Stop instigating. This part is relatively easy\u2014you\u2019ll have to bite your tongue on occasion, but a little self-discipline will stop your habit.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Stop <em>listening<\/em> to gossip. This part is much harder\u2014you can\u2019t control what other people say, but you <em>can<\/em> control how you respond to it. Try to respond dismissively in a way that shows you don\u2019t want to engage. For example, if someone says, \u201cI heard the boss is thinking about firing Jaime,\u201d don\u2019t spur her on by saying, \u201cReally? What did you hear?\u201d Instead, try, \u201cOh, that\u2019s probably not true.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-practice-generosity-of-spirit\"><strong>Practice Generosity of Spirit<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re generous toward your friends and offer them support, it often gives you just as much happiness as it gives them\u2014when you do good, you feel good. <strong>The most simple and accessible way to be more generous toward your friends is to practice your <\/strong><strong><em>generosity of spirit.<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>There are four significant ways to do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-encourage-people\">1) Encourage People<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Offering words of encouragement to a friend is a simple, but highly effective way to be generous toward them. Your words might feel small to you, but they might give your friend the confidence they need to take on their ambitions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you can, try taking your encouragement a step further by following it up with resources or advice. For example, if you encourage a friend to pursue their idea for an app, you might follow up a few days later with, \u201cI think your idea is great. I talked to Sara who recently went through the same process and she recommended these sources,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019ll put you in touch with my friend who launched an app last year.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-help-make-connections\">2) Help Make Connections<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Helping people make connections with others is a natural source of happiness for them, and new connections often offer new sources of support.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You\u2019ll have to be generous with your time to take on the work of arranging meetings, exchanging contact info, or searching for resources. Keep this a happy\u2014not draining\u2014activity by finding the connection methods that work best for you. If you\u2019re an extrovert, you might invite the friends you want to connect out for a coffee. If you\u2019re more introverted or busy, a simple introduction email might work best for you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-find-your-generosity-type\">3) Find Your Generosity Type<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Finding your own, enjoyable way to help others is a great way to ensure maximum satisfaction for both parties\u2014not only do you do your friend a meaningful favor, but you also enjoy the task and get to spend time with them. For example, Rubin found that she enjoyed decluttering, so she practiced generosity by helping her friends clean their own homes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Think about helpful and enjoyable skills that you might be able to lend to others\u2014such as photography, helping edit r\u00e9sum\u00e9s, gardening, and so on.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-assume-positive-intent-nbsp\">4) Assume Positive Intent&nbsp;<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>Many of us fall victim to the \u201cfundamental attribution error\u201d\u2014we perceive others\u2019 actions as a reflection of their character, instead of taking into account how their circumstances might dictate their actions. On the other hand, we perceive our <em>own <\/em>actions through the lens of circumstance. For example, if a coworker snapped at you, you\u2019d likely think they were an impatient crank. However, if <em>you<\/em> were to snap at someone, you might say, \u201cI can\u2019t help being so irritable today. I have a horrible headache.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Be generous in your perceptions of people and work on assuming that they have positive intent, just as you do. If they\u2019re acting in a negative way, ask yourself: What might be causing them to act like this?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-pursue-new-connections\"><strong>Pursue New Connections<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Making new friends throughout your life is important for several reasons\u2014they provide you with greater feelings of connection, they offer new sources of support, and they can introduce you to new perspectives and interest<\/strong>s<strong> and help build strong friendships.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s easy to get comfortable with the friends you have and become a bit resistant to widening your circle. To combat this tendency, establish <em>a friend-making goal<\/em>\u2014in each new social situation you encounter, set a goal to make new friends.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This method seems a bit too calculated for a social endeavor, but it will make you more open to socializing in several key ways.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Instead of deciding if you like people when you meet them, your goal reframes your thought to, \u201cCould we be friends?\u201d This helps you become more interested in <em>really <\/em>getting to know the people you meet, instead of just exchanging pleasantries.\u00a0<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You might act more friendly than you would otherwise\u2014it\u2019s difficult to make friends if you\u2019re acting withdrawn. Furthermore, studies find that acting in an outgoing and friendly way makes people feel happier\u2014extroverts and introverts alike.\u00a0\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What makes a strong friendship? How can we maintain strong friendships with people we care about? Strong friendships are the one thing that everyone\u2014scientists, philosophers, and happiness experts\u2014can agree is a major contributor to overall happiness and life satisfaction.&nbsp;But maintaining friendships takes effort, especially as we get older and take on more responsibilities. In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss some ways you can cultivate and maintain strong friendships throughout life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":1302,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,12],"tags":[286],"class_list":["post-35160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-the-happiness-project","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Build Strong Friendships: Skills for Life - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Friendships take effort and intentionality to maintain. 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In this post, we&#039;ll discuss how you can sustain strong friendships throughout life.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-05-16T15:07:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-10-03T14:54:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/12-rules-for-life-friends.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"868\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"463\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"How to Build Strong Friendships: Skills for Life\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-16T15:07:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-10-03T14:54:32+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/\"},\"wordCount\":1489,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/12-rules-for-life-friends.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Happiness Project\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/\",\"name\":\"How to Build Strong Friendships: Skills for Life - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-friendships\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/12-rules-for-life-friends.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-16T15:07:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-10-03T14:54:32+00:00\",\"description\":\"Friendships take effort and intentionality to maintain. 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