{"id":35123,"date":"2021-05-21T09:08:00","date_gmt":"2021-05-21T13:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=35123"},"modified":"2021-05-30T12:23:14","modified_gmt":"2021-05-30T16:23:14","slug":"happy-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy Parenting: It&#8217;s All About Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is the secret to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/best-parenting-resources-blogs-podcasts-apps\/\">happy parenting<\/a>? What are some ways you can infuse your parenting experience with more joy, happiness, and positivity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you reflect on your individual parenting moments\u2014such as throwing a birthday party or going to an amusement park\u2014you\u2019ll likely find many <em>negative <\/em>in-the-moment emotions, such as frustration, stress, or impatience. While you can&#8217;t eliminate these feelings altogether, you can choose to look beyond them and focus on the overall happy experience of parenting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read further for tips on happy parenting.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What&#8217;s the Secret to Happy Parenting?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There are a few ways to put more happiness into your parenting. First, we\u2019ll discuss how to work on your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/communication-with-children\/\">communication with your children<\/a> and then we\u2019ll explore the different ways you can make more happy memories.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Rethink Your Communication Style&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You won\u2019t always be <em>joyful<\/em> when you\u2019re talking to your children\u2014but changing the way you speak in subtle ways will make for more silly moments, less whining, and better understanding between parent and child. There are two ways to work on changing your communication style.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Lighten Up Stressful Activities<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>When you want to get unpleasant or stressful activities over with, you might be strict with your orders, stop your kids from messing around, or raise your voice. <strong>However, if you find ways to lighten up these moments or even participate in your children\u2019s goofing around, everyone\u2014including you\u2014will be happier.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Lighten up where possible. <\/strong>See if you can add a pleasant edge to an unpleasant task (e.g. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/advantages-of-laughing\/\">singing<\/a> in the morning to wake up your children).<\/li><li><strong>Deflect whining. <\/strong>If you have a whining kid\u2014which would make anyone feel less than cheerful\u2014find positive ways to distract them from their complaints instead of raising your voice or ordering them to stop. For example, you might make a silly rhyme of your child\u2019s complaints, or make up a story they can participate in.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reframe-your-thoughts\/\">Reframe your thinking<\/a> around difficult or frustrating tasks.<\/strong> First, tell yourself you <em>enjoy<\/em> the task. For example, \u201cI\u2019m happy to take my kids to karate class. It\u2019s fun to watch them learn.\u201d Second, imagine someone else taking over the task\u2014this makes you feel grateful that it\u2019s <em>you<\/em> that gets to do it. For example, you might think, \u201cWould I let someone else help Sarah with her school project? No, I always get to do them with her.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Of course, the frustrations of parenting can only be pushed so far\u2014it\u2019s likely you\u2019ll snap at your kids sooner or later. <strong>What\u2019s important in these moments is that you stop snapping as soon as you can. <\/strong>You\u2019ll find that the aftermath is much less stressful than it would have been, had you not stopped yourself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Work With\u2014Not Against\u2014Feelings<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Minimize the number of energy-draining meltdowns you experience by <em>really<\/em> listening to your children and showing them that they\u2019ve been heard.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Children\u2019s meltdowns are often fueled by being contradicted by adults\u2014for example, \u201cYou\u2019re not tired, you just had a nap,\u201d or, \u201cYou don\u2019t hate green beans, you just ate them last night.\u201d <strong>A more effective way to deal with your children\u2019s emotions, no matter what they are, is to acknowledge them instead of denying them.<\/strong> Repeat them back to the child so they understand that they\u2019ve been heard. For example, instead of saying, \u201cYou don\u2019t hate your coat,\u201d try, \u201cYou don\u2019t want to take off your princess dress to put on your coat. But you have to put it on if you want to play outside.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Acknowledging the feelings of your children has a twofold positive effect. First, ignoring bad feelings makes them stronger, but talking about bad feelings clears mental space for good feelings to come back quickly. Second, in tough moments you\u2019ll find yourself acting more with love and tenderness, rather than with frustration, argument, or dismissal.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are five effective ways to repeat your children\u2019s feelings back to them so that they feel acknowledged.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Take a note. <\/strong>Even if you lose or throw away the paper, writing down what your child says shows them that you\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>React with touch instead. <\/strong>At times, your child doesn\u2019t need a verbal response, they just need to be held for a few minutes.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Steer clear of \u201cno\u201d and \u201cstop.\u201d <\/strong>Show that you understand what they want while explaining why it can\u2019t happen. For example, instead of, \u201cNo, we\u2019re not going to the park,\u201d you might say, \u201cI know you want to go to the park, but we need to stop at the grocery store now.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>If I were a genie\u2026 <\/strong>Show that you\u2019d grant their wish if you could\u2014this acknowledges their desire and puts you on their side against the circumstances. For example, instead of saying, \u201cStop complaining about your rain jacket,\u201d you might say, \u201cIf I was a genie, I\u2019d make it stop raining so we wouldn\u2019t have to wear rain jackets.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Agree that something is hard to do. <\/strong>Children are more likely to work harder on tasks that you agree are difficult and become more easily frustrated with tasks you claim are easy. For example, instead of, \u201cCome on, putting your shoes on isn\u2019t that hard,\u201d try, \u201cI know putting shoes on can be hard. It helps if you sit down first.\u201d<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: For more ways to acknowledge your children\u2019s emotions,<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-whole-brain-child\"> read our summary of <em>The Whole-Brain Child<\/em><\/a><em>.)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Make More Happy Memories&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember that while your days might drag on, the years will fly by. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-more-engaged\/\">Become more engaged<\/a> in these \u201cdragging\u201d days by focusing on two actions: not rushing through your projects and preserving your happy memories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Don\u2019t Rush Projects<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Projects, while they\u2019re often for fun events like traditions, birthdays, or school events, are usually very time- and energy-consuming\u2014but have high potential for becoming happy memories for both you and your children.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, your child has decided she wants to build dollhouse furniture for her sister for Christmas, using craft bits lying around the house. You think it would be much easier to just <em>buy<\/em> the furniture, but you work with your child on it. Together, you spend every night for a month dreaming up new pieces of furniture to make. Having patience for the full life cycle of a project like this maximizes the happiness of the experience because you go through four stages of happiness:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Anticipation of happiness. <\/strong>Your child gets to feel the anticipation and excitement of making her sister an elaborate gift.<\/li><li><strong>&nbsp;Savoring happiness. <\/strong>You get to savor the happiness of building something together every night and coming up with new ideas.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Expressing happiness. <\/strong>Your child gets to express her happiness on Christmas morning\u2014first, when she excitedly helps her sister unwrap the furniture and again later when they play with it together.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>&nbsp;Recalling happiness. <\/strong>You and your child both get to recall the happy memories of working on the project together and playing with the dollhouse.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Additionally, letting children meander their way through projects can remind you of joys that you overlook or don\u2019t experience anymore as an adult. <\/strong>For example, at Christmas, you\u2019re usually focused on the stress and rush of the holiday season. When you work slowly on the dollhouse with your daughter, you\u2019re reminded of the joy of creating a gift for someone and the anticipation and excitement around the holidays.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Preserve Happy Memories&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>You can build on the happiness of a moment by keeping the memory of it as vivid as possible for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-future-self\/\">your future self<\/a> to reflect on. To help preserve happy memories for yourself and your family members, pay attention to how they choose to reminisce\u2014for example, they might enjoy going through old homemade videos or read through old journal entries.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rubin found three ways to preserve happy memories in a meaningful way for her family.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Photo albums and keepsake boxes. <\/strong>Put together a photo album, writing notes alongside the pictures to help keep the memories intact. Or, save up some of your children\u2019s drawings and papers from school in a nice file box to create a glimpse of their childhood to look back on.<\/li><li><strong>Update emails. <\/strong>Send fun updates to your extended family about your children\u2019s everyday lives\u2014lost teeth, funny things they did or said recently, something they did that reminded you of a family member, and so on. This act extends the happiness of your memories to those who didn\u2019t witness the experience but find delight in it all the same.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Traditions. <\/strong>Traditions are a source of happiness for many reasons\u2014they\u2019re a joyful way to experience passing time; they make families feel more tightly knit; and children love the anticipation and structure they create. Commit to the effort of keeping up traditions\u2014such as schlepping out to a farm to cut down your own Christmas tree, or sewing Halloween costumes\u2014and keep in mind that traditions can be created <em>at any time<\/em>. Experiment with making your own traditions with your children. For example, you might go out for a nice dinner the night before the first day of school, or have a monthly family movie night.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is the secret to happy parenting? What are some ways you can infuse your parenting experience with more joy, happiness, and positivity? If you reflect on your individual parenting moments\u2014such as throwing a birthday party or going to an amusement park\u2014you\u2019ll likely find many negative in-the-moment emotions, such as frustration, stress, or impatience. While you can&#8217;t eliminate these feelings altogether, you can choose to look beyond them and focus on the overall happy experience of parenting. Read further for tips on happy parenting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":23396,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,13],"tags":[286],"class_list":["post-35123","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-parenting","tag-the-happiness-project","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Happy Parenting: It&#039;s All About Perspective - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The key to happy parenting is to look beyond the everyday negativity and focus on the overall experience. 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It&#039;s all about perspective.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-05-21T13:08:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-30T16:23:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/parenting-father-daughter-family.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1220\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"650\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Happy Parenting: It&#8217;s All About Perspective\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-21T13:08:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-30T16:23:14+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/\"},\"wordCount\":1583,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/parenting-father-daughter-family.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Happiness Project\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lifestyle\",\"Parenting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/\",\"name\":\"Happy Parenting: It's All About Perspective - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happy-parenting\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/parenting-father-daughter-family.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-21T13:08:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-30T16:23:14+00:00\",\"description\":\"The key to happy parenting is to look beyond the everyday negativity and focus on the overall experience. 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