{"id":35121,"date":"2021-05-30T09:46:00","date_gmt":"2021-05-30T13:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=35121"},"modified":"2021-05-30T11:10:57","modified_gmt":"2021-05-30T15:10:57","slug":"strong-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Practical Tips for Building a Strong Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you find yourself sunken neck-deep in argument and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/common-communication-problems\/\">communication issues<\/a> with your partner? How do you stop making avoidable errors and start building a strong relationship?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We all have our character flaws, and so do our loved ones. The key to building a strong relationship is to focus on your partner&#8217;s good qualities instead of their less-than-perfect traits or irritating habits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss some practical tips on how to lay a strong foundation for your relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">How to Keep Your Relationship Strong: Skills for Life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Even if you have a strong relationship, you can <em>always <\/em>find ways to make it even stronger and happier. Strong, happy relationships contribute to overall happiness and life satisfaction by giving you the companionship and support that you need through day-to-day <em>and<\/em> major life events.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Like anyone, both you and your partner are a combination of wonderful qualities and irritating habits. You <em>can\u2019t<\/em> change who your partner is and can\u2019t argue their irritating habits out of them. Focusing instead on your partner\u2019s good qualities makes their irritating habits more tolerable and naturally decreases bickering.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, we\u2019ll focus on how to avoid negativity when it comes to household tasks, and then we\u2019ll discuss how to better communicate with and show appreciation for your partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1) <strong>Avoid Negativity in Household Tasks<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Household tasks are a source of much bickering in long-term relationships. There are two significant ways to cut down on these negative feelings: <strong>Stop nagging<\/strong> and <strong>don\u2019t expect acknowledgment<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Stop Nagging<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Nagging is a tempting habit because it feels that if you do it <em>just<\/em> enough, your partner will start automatically doing what you want\u2014but it doesn\u2019t work this way. It just creates resentment for both parties.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Commit to holding back whenever you want to nag. If the task at hand is time-sensitive, do it yourself. If it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> time-sensitive, allow it to happen on your partner\u2019s timeline. This will very likely <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/be-uncomfortable\/\">be uncomfortable<\/a> for you, and you may feel a bit resentful at the beginning if you need to do tasks yourself or tasks aren\u2019t getting done when you want. But Rubin\u2019s experience reveals that the overall pleasant mood that\u2019s maintained in the absence of nagging far outweighs the initial discomfort of holding your tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you find yourself nagging frequently, there are several ways to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reframe-your-thoughts\/\">reframe your thinking<\/a> and behaviors to avoid it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Try to create a non-verbal reminder of the task. A note left on the counter is often less grating than a pestering voice.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Try making one-word reminders, which might be better received than a drawn-out reminder\u2014for example, instead of saying, \u201cRemember to fix the sink today. You promised yesterday but it\u2019s still broken,\u201d you could simply say, \u201cSink, please!\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><li>Keep in mind that the majority of tasks are <em>not urgent<\/em>\u2014don\u2019t expect your partner to operate on <em>your <\/em>ideal schedule.&nbsp;<\/li><li>In a similar vein, don\u2019t complain if a task isn\u2019t being done <em>your<\/em> way\u2014asking someone to do something for you, and then criticizing how they do it quickly creates resentment.<\/li><li>Avoid the \u201cI know better than you\u201d nag\u2014don\u2019t pester your partner to do things that <em>you<\/em> think are best for them. They can figure it out themselves. For example, don\u2019t continually nag your partner to bring a jacket to the restaurant in case they get cold. If they choose not to bring a jacket, that\u2019s their own problem.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Be sure that you\u2019re consistently noticing how your partner <\/strong><strong><em>does<\/em><\/strong><strong> contribute. <\/strong>Many people significantly overestimate how much they personally contribute to group efforts. It\u2019s likely that your partner is doing just as much housework as you, but you\u2019re not noticing it. For example, you cook and clean the dishes every night, but don\u2019t notice that your partner takes over cleaning the apartment top to bottom every week.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Don\u2019t Expect Acknowledgement&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>While you work on noticing what your partner does around the house, don\u2019t expect that everything <em>you<\/em> do will be noticed and appreciated. Expecting praise and acknowledgment often creates resentment\u2014either because you don\u2019t get it, you don\u2019t get as much as you think you deserve, or it\u2019s not given in a way that\u2019s meaningful to you. <strong>If you stop expecting praise and acknowledgment, you\u2019ll feel less resentful.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s helpful to reframe your thinking\u2014instead of doing things for others, do things for <em>yourself.<\/em> For example, while cleaning up after dinner you might tell yourself, \u201cI\u2019m cleaning up the kitchen tonight because <em>I <\/em>want to wake up to a clean house.\u201d This thinking frees you from the need to be acknowledged and praised by others, and because you\u2019re not expecting someone to react in a specific way you avoid the disappointment that comes on the heels of an underwhelming reaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2) <strong>Communicate Fairly<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Fair and conscientious communication keeps negative interactions and resentment in relationships to a minimum, clearing space for positive exchanges. Strong relationships rely on fair and positive communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Fight With Courtesy&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Conflict is natural in a long-term relationship. It\u2019s important to approach conflict with an argumentative style that\u2019s relatively positive. This is because humans have a negativity bias\u2014that is, we focus much more on negative emotions and experiences than positive. <strong>It usually takes five positive interactions in a relationship to offset just one negative interaction.<\/strong> Having arguments in a productive, positive way keeps them from contributing to the negative interaction count. Furthermore, negative arguments can make you feel guilty or irritable which leads to more negative interactions and unhappiness.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Studies show that there are six key elements of positive and productive arguments.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Approach one problem at a time. Don\u2019t use issues from the past as artillery in the present.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Start arguments as a calm discussion, instead of exploding suddenly and angrily.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Avoid absolutes, such as \u201cyou never\u2026\u201d or \u201cI always\u2026\u201d<\/li><li>Use words and actions that prevent escalation\u2014you may avoid the phrase, \u201cYou\u2019re just like your mother,\u201d or fold your hands to keep from\u2014literally\u2014pointing fingers.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Recognize that external factors might be affecting your partner. We tend to overlook how others\u2019 circumstances influence their behavior. For example, your wife\u2019s sudden anger about the cost of car repairs may be stemming from a recent announcement about layoffs at work.<\/li><li>Know how to end arguments, instead of letting them drag on\u2014perhaps one of you goes for a run to calm down, or you agree to sleep on it.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Navigate Differences in Intimacy Needs&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Men and women tend to express intimacy differently. While women associate intimacy with face-to-face interactions, men associate intimacy with working or playing alongside their partner. Both are important shared moments, but they look and feel incredibly different. <strong>It\u2019s possible your partner won\u2019t engage in intimacy the same way <\/strong><strong><em>you <\/em><\/strong><strong>want to.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, you may feel frustrated that your partner wants to talk while you\u2019re content just doing work next to them\u2014but they\u2019re frustrated that you won\u2019t engage in a heart-to-heart conversation.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Having different intimacy needs than her husband, Rubin discovered the importance of building female support systems <em>outside<\/em> the relationship. These support systems give you an outlet for conversations about problems and insecurities and reduce the friction that arises when you want support that your partner isn\u2019t able to provide.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>This isn\u2019t to say your partner is completely off the hook\u2014at times, they <\/strong><strong><em>should<\/em><\/strong><strong> put effort into engaging in intimate chats and being the listener you want them to be. <\/strong>But, if your partner is regularly disengaged, take time to think about <em>why<\/em>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, your partner may not want to talk about your anxiety because it makes them sad, or they might not engage with your rant about work because they\u2019re completely unfamiliar with the field.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Besides avoiding touchy subjects, avoid unloading trivial complaints and irritations on them. <\/strong>This is important because moods are contagious in relationships\u2014when you approach your partner with a collection of gripes and negativity, they\u2019ll naturally mirror your emotions. When you\u2019re about to complain to your partner, think about if your complaint could be more positive\u2014or if it needs to be said at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, instead of saying, \u201cMy boss always dumps tasks on me while she goes out for long lunches. I can\u2019t stand it,\u201d you might try, \u201cMy boss is giving me a lot more responsibility at work. I understand it might give me a boost for next year\u2019s promotions, but I\u2019m finding it challenging.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Taking this extra step to reduce the spread of unhappiness can help maintain overall positive feelings in your relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3) <strong>Show Love<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The last element to strengthening your relationship is <em>showing love<\/em>, which is all too easy to forget in long-term relationships. How much love you <em>feel<\/em> doesn\u2019t matter unless your partner <em>sees <\/em>it. Focus on actions that clearly show your love and appreciation. Rubin found that over time, small <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/affirmation-and-visualization-7-habits\/\">affirmations<\/a> of affection shift interactions into a consistently loving tone. Some of these <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/incremental-progress\/\">small actions<\/a> might include saying \u201cI love you\u201d more, hugging your partner more, and sending messages just to let your partner know you\u2019re thinking of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Of course, the most effective way to show people that you care is to pay attention to how <em>they<\/em> show their care\u2014these actions are what truly mean \u201clove\u201d to them. <\/strong>For example, you may notice that your spouse loves to throw big parties for any of his friends\u2019 big occasions, always sets a fun theme, and thinks of very personal and thoughtful gifts. For his 30th birthday, you organize a huge party with his friends. Everyone dresses as a character from his favorite film franchise, and you gift him a huge scrapbook of pictures and written memories from the past 30 years that everyone contributed to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Put Your Methods to the Test<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Try a week of being as nice as possible<em> <\/em>to your partner.<strong> <\/strong>If you feel the need to nag or argue with your partner, try <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-reframe-your-thoughts\/\">reframing your thoughts<\/a>. Instead of focusing on what\u2019s irritating you, reflect on what you love and appreciate about your partner. Building a strong relationship takes work, and you&#8217;ll need to actively apply these methods every day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, your partner calls you to tell you they forgot to go to the grocery store, and won\u2019t be able to pick up the ingredients you wanted for tonight\u2019s dinner. They offer to pick up pad thai, your favorite, on the way home. Instead of feeling irritated by their forgetfulness, appreciate that they found a solution that centers on your preferences.<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you find yourself sunken neck-deep in argument and communication issues with your partner? How do you stop making avoidable errors and start building a strong relationship? We all have our character flaws, and so do our loved ones. The key to building a strong relationship is to focus on your partner&#8217;s good qualities instead of their less-than-perfect traits or irritating habits. In this article, we&#8217;ll discuss some practical tips on how to lay a strong foundation for your relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":910,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,12],"tags":[286],"class_list":["post-35121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-the-happiness-project","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>3 Practical Tips for Building a Strong Relationship - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even if you have a strong relationship, you can always find ways to make it even stronger and happier. Here are some things you can do.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 Practical Tips for Building a Strong Relationship\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Even if you have a strong relationship, you can always find ways to make it even stronger and happier. Here are some things you can do.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-05-30T13:46:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-30T15:10:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/5-love-languages-building-strong-relationships.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"755\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"499\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"3 Practical Tips for Building a Strong Relationship\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-30T13:46:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-30T15:10:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/\"},\"wordCount\":1820,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/5-love-languages-building-strong-relationships.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Happiness Project\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/\",\"name\":\"3 Practical Tips for Building a Strong Relationship - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/strong-relationship\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/5-love-languages-building-strong-relationships.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-30T13:46:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-30T15:10:57+00:00\",\"description\":\"Even if you have a strong relationship, you can always find ways to make it even stronger and happier. 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