{"id":34991,"date":"2021-05-19T14:07:00","date_gmt":"2021-05-19T18:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=34991"},"modified":"2021-06-12T13:04:09","modified_gmt":"2021-06-12T17:04:09","slug":"introducing-your-child-to-your-new-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/introducing-your-child-to-your-new-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Introducing Your Child to Your New Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you thinking about introducing your new partner to your child? What are the most common myths about child-partner introductions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man<\/em>, Steve Harvey suggests introducing your new partner to your child early on in the relationship. He discusses the downsides of waiting too long and dispels the myths that many people are told.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn what Steve Harvey has to say about introducing your child to your new partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Introduce Him to Your Children Early<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you have a child, you likely believe that waiting until things are serious to introduce your child to your new partner is your best route. But this tactic can be problematic. If you wait until you and a man are emotionally attached to tell him about your kids, it\u2019s too late. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When a man is getting serious about you, he\u2019s gathering information<\/a> about you to assess whether you two have a potential future together. If he\u2019s been dating you for months and you\u2019ve hidden the fact you have kids, he\u2019s not going to react kindly when he finds out you\u2019re a mother. <\/strong>He\u2019ll feel like he\u2019s been played, and that won\u2019t reflect well on you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you\u2019ve told him you have kids, he still needs to meet those kids. He can\u2019t make decisions about your future together if he doesn\u2019t have a clear picture of your life with your kids. He wants to know if he can be a father to your children and how receptive he\u2019ll be to their father playing a role in his life. And he needs to see you as a mother to know if you\u2019re actually mother material and someone with whom he could have children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you withhold your children from your man, you\u2019re cutting off his ability to plan for his life. <\/strong>And the longer you wait to introduce him to them, the more charged the situation will become. He\u2019ll start to wonder why you won\u2019t bring him around the kids. Are they terrible? Wild? Mean? Suddenly, the first meeting becomes a bigger deal than it needs to be. He\u2019s just a man meeting the kids, but you\u2019ve upped the intensity of the situation to a visit by the president. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

None of these scenarios bodes well for a lasting relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Benefit of the Early Introduction<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The best way to introduce your new man to your children is by creating a calm and casual situation for them to meet as soon as you think you might be more than just attracted to him. If you\u2019re considering whether this man might be the one, you need to be considering whether he\u2019s the one for your kids.<\/strong> This early introduction accomplishes several things. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. You allow a man to see you in your natural role as a mother.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A man learns more about who you are<\/a> and your ability to care for a family when he sees you with your children. If he has his own children, this aspect of your personality is vital knowledge. He\u2019s going to be watching to see whether you\u2019re the kind of mother he wants for his current or yet-to-be-born children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. You allow a man to prove whether he\u2019s father material. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You need to know if he is good with kids if he\u2019s going to be in your life long-term. On the first interaction, he\u2019ll either make an effort to talk to your kids or act like a deer in headlights. And if a man can\u2019t hold a conversation with a child, he\u2019s probably not going to excel as a father. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. You get to see how he reacts if your kids aren\u2019t friendly. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If he\u2019s able to defuse an uncomfortable interaction with your child with understanding and humor, he\u2019s mature enough to handle the tough responsibilities of raising a child. If he cowers or complains, he\u2019s going to have issues. You don\u2019t need a man to start acting like father of the year, but he does need to exhibit a sense of comfortability and an aptitude for playfulness to show he\u2019s got the mettle to be a good father. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. You can see if there\u2019s potential for mutual admiration between your man and kids. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children are fickle about new partners in their parents\u2019 lives. But small children have no motivation for disliking someone. They pick up on a person\u2019s energy, and if your small child is picking up negative energy, that\u2019s something to look at. Older children are more likely to act coldly, and that\u2019s the cross you have to bear with teenagers. But how he handles their attitudes will say a lot about the kind of man he is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your man thinks you\u2019re worth the effort, he\u2019ll do his best to deal with the disruptions or issues with your children. He\u2019ll try to connect with your kids<\/a> to determine whether this is just a phase or a real issue he has to consider. <\/strong>He\u2019ll make small gestures and efforts to be involved in your children\u2019s lives and eventually win them over. If he doesn\u2019t, he\u2019s not the man for your family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Overcoming Common Myths<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You may think that bringing home a strange man is fraught with land mines. First and foremost, you want to protect your children from harm, and allowing them to get attached to a man who might not be around much longer could hurt them. You also don\u2019t want to give your kids the impression that you don\u2019t care about them by bringing home random men all the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are valid fears, but the key thing to remember is that you’re not bringing home random men. You only introduce your family to a man you\u2019re interested in becoming serious with and who has proven himself to be a mature and stable man. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You also may worry he\u2019ll think you\u2019re trying to trap him by getting your kids attached to him to make it harder for him to leave. This belief stems from one of the games men routinely play. Men who only want fun and sex have been conning women for years that pressuring them to meet the kids is a sign of desperation or manipulation. Again, this is a lie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A good man will understand how important your children are to you and the need for you to assess whether he will be a good fit in your lives. If he\u2019s sincere about his intentions for you, he\u2019ll follow whatever plan you have to create a union among all of you. If he protests or tries to dissuade you from bringing him home, he\u2019s not your man. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will He Make a Good Father?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The following characteristics can help you determine your man\u2019s viability as a father. If you notice these traits in him, you likely have a good man willing and able to be a good father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  • He likes children and hopes to start a family someday. <\/li>
  • He wants to meet your kids.<\/li>
  • He brings small gifts over for your children.<\/li>
  • He makes sure to be caring and respectful to you in front of the children.<\/li>
  • He incorporates your children into your dates.<\/li>
  • He has a good relationship with his mother. <\/li>
  • He has nieces and nephews he\u2019s fond of. <\/li>
  • He takes good care of his pets. <\/li>
  • He has a clean home.<\/li>
  • He\u2019s kind and comforting if your child gets hurt. <\/li>
  • He plays games with your kids and lets them win. <\/li>
  • He remains calm when accidents happen, like spilled food or drinks on his clothes. <\/li>
  • He asks about your kids\u2019 school work and personal lives. <\/li>
  • He isn\u2019t afraid to be stern with your kids.<\/li>
  • He has the capacity to forgive, even when your child doesn\u2019t deserve it.<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Are you thinking about introducing your new partner to your child? What are the most common myths about child-partner introductions? In his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey suggests introducing your new partner to your child early on in the relationship. He discusses the downsides of waiting too long and dispels the myths that many people are told. Keep reading to learn what Steve Harvey has to say about introducing your child to your new partner.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":35049,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,13,12],"tags":[301],"class_list":["post-34991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-parenting","category-relationships","tag-act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nIntroducing Your Child to Your New Partner - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Introducing your child to your new partner can be scary and you may want to put it off. 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