Do you work with a leader who makes you feel drained, underutilized, and frustrated? Does your coworker or boss make you feel anxious, judged, and drained of energy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you’re working with a Diminisher. The good news is that there are methods for surviving Diminishers and in some cases, you can even transform your Diminisher coworker into a Multiplier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Keep reading to learn how to deal with Diminishers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Most of us aren\u2019t the only leaders in our organizations and have to work with others who may be Diminishers. <\/strong>When you work for or with a Diminisher, you might feel underused, drained, and lifeless. This can spill into other areas of your life and lead to health problems such as low energy or depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The good news is, there are several strategies for surviving (or even transforming) Diminishers. First, we\u2019ll look at what doesn\u2019t work. Then, we\u2019ll look at what does. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When faced with Diminishers, none of us are at our best\u2014Diminishers make us feel anxious and stressed. They trigger our emotional brains, which overpower our rational ones, and we act without thinking. As a result, the least effective ways to deal with Diminishers\u2014confrontation, avoidance, and compliance\u2014are also the options most people turn to.<\/strong> These reactions create a cycle of diminishment:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The author\u2019s research found that this cycle usually lasts for 22 months, or 85% of the time someone worked under a Diminisher. Ultimately, it\u2019s impossible to get a Diminisher to change by diminishing them.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n There are three types of strategies for effectively handling Diminishers. Attempt them in the following order:<\/p>\n\n\n\n These strategies will increase your resistance to diminishing behavior and win you some space to consider further strategies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Tune out the Diminisher occasionally. <\/strong>When a Diminisher is criticizing you or nitpicking, don\u2019t take it personally or let it affect your self-worth. The Diminisher may just be taking out some of their stress on you (for example, she might be feeling pressure from her boss). Even if she is being vicious on purpose, you don\u2019t have to sink to her assessment of you\u2014you can continue to hold yourself to high standards and believe you\u2019re smart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Build other relationships. <\/strong>Connect with people<\/a> at your workplace, whether they\u2019re clients, colleagues, or different managers. This support group can help you objectively assess your ideas and performance, and they can remind you that you\u2019re smart. They can also help you advance your career and navigate your relationship with the Diminisher. Make sure, however, that this support group isn\u2019t just about venting\u2014discuss positive ways you can increase your success, not just the negatives of working with the Diminisher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Retreat and revise.<\/strong> When you get into a confrontation with a Diminisher, back off and create some distance. The Diminisher will appreciate this too\u2014it gives her a graceful way out. Once you\u2019ve had some time to cool off, think of ways to move forward, not ways to win, and then meet with the Diminisher again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Be reassuring.<\/strong> Most Diminishers micromanage because they\u2019re worried that the project or task won\u2019t get finished if they don\u2019t step in. Reassure your boss that you\u2019re on top of things by sending them signals tailored to their personality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Stand up for your smarts.<\/strong> If a Diminisher is being overly helpful, respectfully and humbly remind them that you can do the task on your own. You can use humor, which works well on Accidental Diminishers\u2014for example, when the author slipped into micromanaging, one of her team members pretended to wear a choke-chain and gasp for air to let her know she was stifling him. Or, try if-then statements, such as: \u201cIf you let me do this, then I\u2019ll make sure it turns out well.\u201d Then, do your best work so the reminder sticks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 6. Ask for information you\u2019re missing.<\/strong> You usually need two types of information to do your job well: 1) what the goal is and why it matters, and 2) feedback on your performance. If you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re aiming for, all you can do is follow instructions, not leverage your intelligence. If you don\u2019t know how you\u2019re performing, you can\u2019t improve. However, the information most Diminishers provide is how to do a task (often more than once if things go off track), so you may need to flat-out ask to get the information you need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 7. Assess the situation<\/a> objectively. <\/strong>It\u2019s possible your boss is an Accidental Diminisher<\/a> and has good intentions you\u2019re not giving them credit for. It\u2019s also possible that, if you find yourself constantly meeting Diminishers, you might be a Diminisher and you\u2019re bringing out these traits in others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 8. Quit and find a better boss.<\/strong> If the diminishment becomes too much, leave the situation and find a better one. Evaluate a possible new leader\u2019s Multiplier abilities by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the leader isn\u2019t receptive to any of the above, then they\u2019re likely not someone you wanted to work for anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The next set of strategies help you multiply upwards\u2014you can be a Multiplier even if your boss isn\u2019t<\/strong>. While managers tend to be best<\/a> at multiplying their direct reports, it\u2019s equally possible to multiply anyone you work with. This is because Diminishers are most concerned with their own smarts and need their intelligence validated.<\/strong> As Multipliers, by nature, validate people\u2019s genius by treating them like they\u2019re smart, acting like a Multiplier towards your boss will make them feel comfortable and make them more likely to give you more trust, which might make them reduce their diminishing behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Additionally, some of these strategies will help you carve out opportunities for yourself if your Diminisher boss doesn\u2019t set them up for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To multiply your boss:<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Harness their knowledge and skills.<\/strong> Without giving away ownership of projects, ask your boss to weigh or jump in at points when their skills will improve the results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Show or tell them how to best use you.<\/strong> If your boss hasn\u2019t discovered how to get 100% out of you yet, don\u2019t wait for her to figure it out\u2014visibly demonstrate your skills so she can see where you\u2019re capable, or just flat-out tell her what your native genius is and how it could be used at your workplace. Continue to do all aspects of your job though\u2014finding your native genius doesn\u2019t excuse you from daily tasks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Look for the learning opportunity. <\/strong>Even Diminishers can teach you something. Listen attentively to their feedback and criticism and consider what seems legitimate. Visibly demonstrate that you\u2019re listening, and ask questions to understand where they\u2019re coming from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Share mistakes.<\/strong> When you try to hide mistakes and Diminishers find out about them, they lose confidence in you (both in your ability and judgment) and assume something similar will happen in the future. Instead, air your mistakes and what you\u2019ve learned from them. This will encourage others, maybe even Diminishers, to share their mistakes too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Ask for a challenge.<\/strong> We learn best when we take on projects that are just a little bit beyond our current capabilities. If your boss isn\u2019t giving you enough to do, or if she gives you a lot but it\u2019s all the same, volunteer to do something hard. Be clear that you\u2019re not looking for a promotion (this makes managers defensive), you\u2019re looking for a challenge. Start with small challenges and then work up to larger ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 6. Invite your boss into the loop.<\/strong> When you try to keep your boss on the outside\u2014for example, by not inviting her to meetings, not asking for her opinion, and not sharing data\u2014she becomes disconnected from reality, dependent, and pushes even harder to be included. Instead, invite her to meetings and keep her updated. This will prove to her that you\u2019re not trying to hide anything and will also give you more control\u2014if you invite her to do something specific, you can control the parameters of her involvement, thus preventing her from taking over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n By multiplying your boss, you can break the cycle of diminishment and create a new cycle:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The final set of strategies involves helping Diminishers transform into Multipliers. However, your Diminishers must <\/strong>want <\/em><\/strong>to become Multipliers\u2014you can\u2019t force anyone to change, only encourage them.<\/strong> You can encourage by showing them the negative consequences of their diminishing tendencies and a better way to lead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are the strategies for transforming a Diminisher:<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Give your boss the benefit of the doubt.<\/strong> Assume that your boss had good intentions and is only diminishing by accident. Then, when you talk to her about her actions, the conversation isn\u2019t about how diminishing she is; it\u2019s about what she can change to get what she wants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Only bring up one thing at a time<\/a>.<\/strong> If you unload all your notes on your boss at once, she\u2019ll feel overwhelmed and attacked, and probably diminish you by shutting down your ideas. Instead, bring things up one by one, and start with smaller issues. The Diminisher is much more likely to respond positively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Reward baby steps.<\/strong> Recognize and praise the Diminisher for even the smallest changes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Lead by example<\/a>.<\/strong> Work on your own diminishing actions and transform them into multiplying actions instead. Just because your boss is above you in the organizational chart doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t be a leader<\/a>, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to give Multipliers<\/em> to a Diminisher, do so in a way that doesn\u2019t come across as accusing them of being a Diminisher. You can do this by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do you work with a leader who makes you feel drained, underutilized, and frustrated? Does your coworker or boss make you feel anxious, judged, and drained of energy? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you’re working with a Diminisher. The good news is that there are methods for surviving Diminishers and in some cases, you can even transform your Diminisher coworker into a Multiplier. Keep reading to learn how to deal with Diminishers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":30612,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,34,30],"tags":[278],"class_list":["post-34298","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-communication","category-work","tag-multipliers","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nIneffective Ways to Handle Diminishers<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Effective Ways to Handle Diminishers<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Step #1: Survival Strategies<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Step #2: Multiplying Strategies<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Breaking the Cycle of Diminishment<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
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Step #3: Transformation Strategies<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Sharing Multipliers<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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