{"id":31975,"date":"2021-04-13T23:12:46","date_gmt":"2021-04-14T03:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=31975"},"modified":"2021-04-19T21:26:05","modified_gmt":"2021-04-20T01:26:05","slug":"cohabitation-effect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/","title":{"rendered":"The Cohabitation Effect: Should You Live Together?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is the cohabitation effect? What is its effect on relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The cohabitation effect is when a couple cohabitates without making a strong commitment or begins cohabiting by accident. The cohabitation effect can have negative consequences for relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more about the cohabitation effect below. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Is the Cohabitation Effect?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Many young adults think that living with a partner before marriage will allow them to \u201ctry out\u201d a marriage before committing and will result in a stronger union. Unfortunately, the statistics don\u2019t back this up: <strong>Couples who live together are more likely to divorce down the road than those who do not. <\/strong>This is called the \u201ccohabitation effect\u201d and it has baffled researchers for years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some researchers theorize that those who cohabitate may be less conventional and open to divorce in the first place, but the cohabitation effect appears to be true regardless of religion, education, or political leanings. The effect seems to be more a result of the fact that when people cohabitate, they often end up passively and reactively sliding toward a marriage, rather than proactively deciding on one. When this happens, a couple often ends up staying together because of sunk costs and ultimately separates because they never truly understood a marital relationship or they were never right for each other in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>People Stay Because of Sunk Costs<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When two people decide to move in together, it\u2019s often touted as an easy solution to short-term challenges like rent. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/moving-in-together\/\">Moving in together<\/a> seems fun and cost-effective, and feels like an easily-escapable arrangement, unlike marriage. And it might be, at first. But after combining lives for a while, leaving the situation can actually feel quite difficult, and <strong>a couple may feel it\u2019s easier to stay in a relationship because of the sunk costs of the arrangement.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you make an initial investment in a relationship, the \u201cswitching costs\u201d feel hypothetical and far away. But after some time passes, the costs feel bigger and more real. You may have shared pets, passwords, and finances that are harder to walk away from. This is known as \u201cconsumer lock-in,\u201d and it describes the fact that people are less likely to look for other options once they\u2019ve made an investment in a first option.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You also may be older, and the idea of starting over can feel more daunting at 32 than it felt at 27. Instead of cutting your losses, you may opt for marriage because it feels like it makes sense given the investments you\u2019ve already made in the relationship. In a word, you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/stuck-in-life\/\">feel stuck<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>People Don\u2019t Fully Understand Marriage<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>People often move in together under the pretense that they are giving marriage a trial run, but in truth, a live-in relationship has little resemblance to a marriage. Stresses like mortgages, pregnancies, child-rearing, holidays with in-laws, college and retirement plans, and bills often don\u2019t exist during cohabitation but can destroy a marriage. Once a relationship transforms from <em>live-in<\/em> to <em>married<\/em>, these stresses can break it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>A Couple May Be Poorly Matched From the Start<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Often people slide from dating to sleeping over to moving in without fully examining the relationship. The process is driven by short-term impulses\u2014fun weekends, cool friends, good sex, shared rent\u2014that may not have been what either one would have looked for in a long-term partner.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because cohabitation feels more easily escapable than marriage, both men and women agree that they have lower standards for a live-in partner than for a spouse. Interestingly, the cohabitation effect does not hold for couples who move in together after becoming engaged. These couples are as likely to stay together as are couples who don\u2019t cohabitate before marriage. The effect seems to be entirely caused by people moving in with right-now partners who end up becoming, unintentionally, more permanent partners, for the wrong reasons.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is not to say you should absolutely not cohabitate before marriage, but if you are considering doing so, don\u2019t make the decision lightly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Lean towards not doing it.<\/li><li>Get clear about the other person\u2019s long-term goals and commitment level before you move in.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Keep an eye on the costs of leaving. Regularly check in on the constraints keeping you in the relationship and make sure they don\u2019t get so burdensome that you would be unable to walk away.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is the cohabitation effect? What is its effect on relationships? The cohabitation effect is when a couple cohabitates without making a strong commitment or begins cohabiting by accident. The cohabitation effect can have negative consequences for relationships. Read more about the cohabitation effect below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":31985,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,12],"tags":[260],"class_list":["post-31975","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-the-defining-decade","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Cohabitation Effect: Should You Live Together? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What&#039;s the cohabitation effect? 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Read more.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-04-14T03:12:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-04-20T01:26:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/couple-painting-home-renovation-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Carrie Cabral\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Carrie Cabral\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Carrie Cabral\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2ababb7c63a94ff5d2190f71dc417d56\"},\"headline\":\"The Cohabitation Effect: Should You Live Together?\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-04-14T03:12:46+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-04-20T01:26:05+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/\"},\"wordCount\":741,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/couple-painting-home-renovation-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Defining Decade\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/\",\"name\":\"The Cohabitation Effect: Should You Live Together? - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cohabitation-effect\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/couple-painting-home-renovation-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-04-14T03:12:46+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-04-20T01:26:05+00:00\",\"description\":\"What's the cohabitation effect? 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