{"id":31360,"date":"2021-04-11T18:26:54","date_gmt":"2021-04-11T22:26:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=31360"},"modified":"2021-04-18T15:28:25","modified_gmt":"2021-04-18T19:28:25","slug":"destructive-behaviors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/","title":{"rendered":"Radical Acceptance: Not for Destructive Behaviors"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Does <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-accept-yourself\/\">accepting yourself<\/a> mean accepting your destructive behaviors as part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">who you are<\/a>? What does Radical Acceptance say about facing your failures?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are many misconceptions about Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance is about freeing yourself from judgment, so many take that as permission to continue harmful behaviors. However, Radical Acceptance teaches you that it\u2019s impossible to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/changing-yourself\/\">change yourself<\/a> without first knowing yourself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn why Radical Acceptance is not an excuse to continue destructive behaviors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><strong>Radical Acceptance Isn\u2019t About Accepting Destructive Behaviors<\/strong><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Radical Acceptance is so much the opposite of how we\u2019re trained to think about ourselves that people can get confused about what it actually is. If your Radical Acceptance leads you to \u201caccept\u201d and continue destructive behaviors and habits, you\u2019re not practicing it correctly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people come away with the idea that accepting yourself as you are means giving up on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-grow-as-a-person\/\">personal growth<\/a>. However, Radical Acceptance isn\u2019t an excuse to say \u201cthis is who I am, and that\u2019ll never change.\u201d Instead, it\u2019s an opportunity to recognize who you are currently, and who you\u2019d really like to be\u2014rather than who society says you should be. In short, it\u2019s impossible to change yourself without first knowing yourself.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Radical Acceptance Isn\u2019t An Excuse for Self-Indulgence<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Accepting that you have a desire for a destructive behavior and acting upon it are two different things. For example, a habitual smoker would recognize not only that she has a craving for a cigarette, but the reasons behind that craving. She would recognize the physical and emotional tension that comes with it. She would read the warning label and accept that smoking is a harmful and destructive habit.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If she does decide to smoke, she wouldn\u2019t try to justify her decision or struggle against her guilt; she\u2019d accept the feelings just as she accepted the craving that led to her decision. Hopefully, in time, recognizing the truths behind her actions will lead her to better decisions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Radical Acceptance Isn\u2019t About Being Passive<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people think that accepting something means you no longer work to change it. For example, they say that accepting something like racism, or global warming, means allowing it to progress unchecked.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, Radical Acceptance is about what\u2019s happening internally, not externally. It begins with examining our own outrage, fear, guilt, or whatever we\u2019re feeling about those injustices. Before we act or react to what\u2019s happening, we have to understand and accept how it\u2019s affecting us in that moment. With that kind of self-awareness we\u2019re able to act wisely and effectively, rather than blindly and desperately.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Radical Acceptance Isn\u2019t About Limitations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people think that Radical Acceptance means accepting that there are things they can\u2019t do, or aren\u2019t suited for. For instance, someone who\u2019s been in a string of failed relationships might look at himself and conclude that he\u2019s not suited for intimacy. That is a self-destructive way of thinking and that\u2019s not what Radical Acceptance is. If anything, this behavior is damaging and the exact opposite of Radical Acceptance: He\u2019s giving power to the fearful voice in his head that says he\u2019s not good enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Radical Acceptance means looking honestly at your failures and successes alike, and <em>accepting <\/em>that you don\u2019t know what the future holds. It means putting your full effort into everything you do, and learning and growing from every experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Radical Acceptance Isn\u2019t About Accepting a \u201cSelf\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This problematic behavior is specific to Buddhism, which teaches that there\u2019s no such thing as a true self\u2014what might be called a soul. Many students of Buddhism point out that accepting yourself as you are seems to imply the existence of such a \u201cself,\u201d which is incompatible with Buddha\u2019s teachings.\u00a0\u00a0However, Radical Acceptance<em> <\/em>is really about the mental and physical sensations you\u2019re currently experiencing. It\u2019s accepting yourself as you are in the moment. By doing so, you\u2019ll recognize that those experiences are temporary and impersonal, not some core part of who you are. <strong>This will help free you from the illusion that you\u2019re a limited being, defined by your experiences.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does accepting yourself mean accepting your destructive behaviors as part of who you are? What does Radical Acceptance say about facing your failures? There are many misconceptions about Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance is about freeing yourself from judgment, so many take that as permission to continue harmful behaviors. However, Radical Acceptance teaches you that it\u2019s impossible to change yourself without first knowing yourself.&nbsp; Continue reading to learn why Radical Acceptance is not an excuse to continue destructive behaviors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":31415,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[255],"class_list":["post-31360","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-radical-acceptance","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Radical Acceptance: Not for Destructive Behaviors - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Radical Acceptance is about accepting yourself without judgment, so many take that as permission to continue destructive behaviors. 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It&#039;s not.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-04-11T22:26:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-04-18T19:28:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/man-smoking.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1112\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"585\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Hannah Aster\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Hannah Aster\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/f39f52830e4f7039a16e45d12354542f\"},\"headline\":\"Radical Acceptance: Not for Destructive Behaviors\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-04-11T22:26:54+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-04-18T19:28:25+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/\"},\"wordCount\":719,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/man-smoking.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Radical Acceptance\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/\",\"name\":\"Radical Acceptance: Not for Destructive Behaviors - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/destructive-behaviors\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/man-smoking.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-04-11T22:26:54+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-04-18T19:28:25+00:00\",\"description\":\"Radical Acceptance is about accepting yourself without judgment, so many take that as permission to continue destructive behaviors. 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