{"id":28830,"date":"2021-03-08T16:55:49","date_gmt":"2021-03-08T20:55:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=28830"},"modified":"2021-03-22T20:21:12","modified_gmt":"2021-03-23T00:21:12","slug":"indirect-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/indirect-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"Indirect Communication: Reading Between the Lines"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What is indirect communication? Why do people opt to convey their message indirectly and how does it affect relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Indirect communication occurs when you attempt to convey your message without explicitly stating it. While the underlying intentions may be benevolent, indirect communication\u00a0can come across as passive-aggressive and make it difficult for us to be understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read about the pitfalls of indirect communication and what to do instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Indirect Communication: Reading Between the Lines<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

People resort to indirect communication for various reasons: to avoid arguments, to save face, to avoid outright rejection. This may look like a peaceful way of interacting with people, but it often leads to problems down the road. Here are three types of indirect communication you should avoid:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Subtext<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Subtext is indirect communication \u2014 through jokes, offhand comments, or other behavior. For instance, if you\u2019re upset at your spouse for sharing in cleaning duties, indirect expression includes statements like \u201cthe house really could use a clean-up.\u201d \u201cDo you really need to watch football every weekend?\u201d What you really mean is, \u201cI feel like we\u2019re not equal partners in the household, and you don\u2019t respect me.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t embed your meaning in subtext. <\/strong>You might think this will soften the impact on the other person and make it less risky for you to share. But this comes across as passive-aggressive and makes it more difficult for us to be understood. In the example above, the first two statements are far different from the real meaning, and lead to very different reactions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps you wish you didn\u2019t have to speak up or share or bring the subject up at all, that the other person could just read your mind and solve the issue for you. But this is a fantasy. The realistic goal is to know each other better, acknowledging that it will never be perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Leading Questions<\/strong> in Indirect Communication<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Leading questions convey an opinion but demonstrate that you\u2019re unwilling to share it directly. Performance reviews sometimes start this way: \u201chow do you<\/em> think you\u2019ve been doing?\u201d This will only activate the other person\u2019s anxiety and immediately trigger their defensiveness, and they\u2019ll probably imagine that what you have to say is far worse than what you actually think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best plan of action is to share your thoughts directly at the beginning, while also acknowledging that you want to know how the other person feels about the situation as well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Withholding<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Humans are complex. Too often, we try to simplify ourselves by withholding some information. However, this usually means our message is incomplete, and either we don\u2019t share everything that\u2019s on our mind out of fear of hurting the other person, or we only share the negative thoughts instead of including the positive ones that make the issue important to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform example: A parent might say to their child, \u201cI don\u2019t feel like you\u2019ve been working hard enough in your college classes.\u201d This is technically sharing their thoughts, but it leaves out a crucial part of the message: \u201cI think you\u2019re so bright and have so much potential, and<\/em> I don\u2019t feel like you\u2019ve been working hard enough in your classes.\u201d This represents a full, complex thought, and gives the child all of the information at the root of the issue.) Sharing thoughts this way helps you represent your perspective clearly and accurately. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is indirect communication? Why do people opt to convey their message indirectly and how does it affect relationships? Indirect communication occurs when you attempt to convey your message without explicitly stating it. While the underlying intentions may be benevolent, indirect communication\u00a0can come across as passive-aggressive and make it difficult for us to be understood. Read about the pitfalls of indirect communication and what to do instead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":23335,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[230],"class_list":["post-28830","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-difficult-conversations","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nIndirect Communication: Reading Between the Lines - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We resort to indirect communication to lessen the impact of our words. 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