What is the best way to resolve a disagreement? What can you do to bridge the gap in understanding and come to a mutually acceptable resolution? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Disagreements happen because of the differences in perception, and in this case, the only truth is that there is no truth. To resolve a disagreement in a constructive way, both parties must be open to considering compromises and accommodating the needs of the other person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whatever the cause of the conflict, there is always a way to resolve disagreement constructively. Keep reading to find out how.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Disagreements are when two people\u2019s respective stories make perfect sense to them, but the stories are in conflict. And when we focus on arguing our own \u201cright\u201d story, we lose the opportunity to explore the other person\u2019s story and understand why they think they\u2019re right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Arguing any point but failing to understand the other person isn\u2019t persuasive, it\u2019s combative. Telling<\/em> someone that they are in the wrong (even if they are) won’t help resolve your disagreement. People need to feel understood in their own stories before they can start to change. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To resolve a disagreement constructively, we have to understand each other\u2019s stories enough to see how the opposing conclusion also makes sense. Understanding alone won\u2019t help solve the problem, but it\u2019s the first step toward actually getting to a solution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The stories we tell ourselves are built in systematic, if unconscious ways \u2014 they aren\u2019t random or without cause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n People\u2019s stories can diverge at any of those three steps, or all of them. When there is a disagreement, we usually just assert our conclusions \u2014 the last step \u2014 without acknowledging the two preceding phases that lead us to those conclusions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Only we have access to our past experiences and information that form our conclusions. We know ourselves better than anyone else knows us. So we should<\/em> assume that other people know themselves better than we could ever hope to. We shouldn\u2019t <\/em>assume that we know what others\u2019 stories are or how others\u2019 stories were built.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you’ve unpacked each other’s stories, you still have to work together to resolve the disagreement, but you may still disagree on how best to go about it. This is the resolution stage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Resolution is essentially collecting the information you just received and coming up with some test options that might help solve both sides\u2019 issues. <\/strong>To resolve the disagreement, both parties must be open to considering compromises and accommodating the needs of the other person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Differences in perspective usually stem from assumptions or hypotheses that conflict with each other. We usually keep these assumptions to ourselves, or we might not even know they\u2019re assumptions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you can identify what the conflicting assumptions are, then you can come up with a fair test to see whose assumption is more valid, or how much more valid it is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Communicate what still doesn\u2019t make sense about their perspective. <\/strong>Remember, as you\u2019re participating in a difficult conversation, you\u2019re trying to follow the other person\u2019s reasoning. If you\u2019re having trouble following the reasoning, then there\u2019s information missing that would help their side make sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Let the other party know what would persuade you, and ask what would persuade them. <\/strong>If you go into a difficult conversation unwilling to be persuaded, you\u2019re not really going into it interested in their side and in solving the problem. Acknowledging that you could be persuaded gives you room to be straightforward about your views and what you need to resolve the issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Ask what they would do in your position.<\/strong> This might help you discover other assumptions they have about the situation, or understand their reasoning. \u201cHow would you feel if you were in my shoes, and what would you do? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Ask for help coming up with creative solutions. <\/strong>\u201cCan we find a creative way to deal with both our issues? Are you willing to try to find a solution with me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Look for external standards of fairness<\/strong>. Sometimes, the best place to look for a solution is outside of the difficult conversation you\u2019re having. For example, with the barking dog, maybe there are local ordinances about noise that set a standard that will help solve the dispute, or maybe this issue has come up in the neighborhood before and other people have found alternative solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some people feel anxiety over problem-solving, over the task of finding a solution that meets both parties\u2019 needs. They usually feel this anxiety because the goal of a difficult conversation, in their mind, is to make the other person happy \u2014 to meet their needs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But it takes two people to reach an agreement.<\/strong> Unless both people are satisfied, even if it means having to compromise, there is no agreement. You shouldn\u2019t compromise or agree to their terms just for the sake of getting the conversation over \u2014 this will breed resentment and ill-will. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not persuaded that\u2026\u201d is a good phrase for letting the other person know that they\u2019re being demanding without providing good reason. For example, an editor might respond to a pushy writer: \u201cI can see that you\u2019re determined to have this article reviewed, but I\u2019m not persuaded that I should do it now, while I\u2019m on my vacation.\u201d This is clear about the problem, and puts the onus on them to convince you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes, reaching an agreement won\u2019t resolve the conflict.<\/strong> No matter how deft the conversation is, there are irreconcilable differences sometimes. You can\u2019t come up with an option that satisfies you both. In these instances, it\u2019s up to you to decide if you can settle for a less than ideal solution for you, or if you can live with the consequences of sticking firm to what you need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you decide to stick firm to what you need, explain what needs of yours aren\u2019t being met by the solutions proposed in the conversation and why you\u2019re walking away from solving the issue. Then, know that you\u2019ll have to accept whatever consequences there are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What is the best way to resolve a disagreement? What can you do to bridge the gap in understanding and come to a mutually acceptable resolution? Disagreements happen because of the differences in perception, and in this case, the only truth is that there is no truth. To resolve a disagreement in a constructive way, both parties must be open to considering compromises and accommodating the needs of the other person. Whatever the cause of the conflict, there is always a way to resolve disagreement constructively. Keep reading to find out how.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12],"tags":[230],"class_list":["post-28624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","tag-difficult-conversations","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nDifferent Stories and How They\u2019re Formed<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How Our Stories Get Built<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Test Your (Differing) Hypotheses<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How to Resolve a Disagreement: Tips and Tricks<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Agreement Is a Team Sport<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n