{"id":26673,"date":"2021-02-16T12:44:49","date_gmt":"2021-02-16T16:44:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=26673"},"modified":"2021-02-27T22:16:31","modified_gmt":"2021-02-28T02:16:31","slug":"couple-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"Couple Communication: Bridging the Gap"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What makes for healthy couple communication? What are some communication tips that can repair misunderstandings in romantic relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to John Gray, the author of <em>Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus<\/em>,<em> <\/em>almost all <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/relationship-marriage-problems-5-love-languages\/\">relationship problems<\/a> can be attributed to errors in couple communication. The fundamental reason these errors happen is that men and women essentially speak a different emotional language.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading for John Gray&#8217;s advice on how to improve couple communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Makes for Healthy Couple Communication?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Almost all relationship problems stem from errors in couple communication.  In order to communicate successfully, you have to be respectful of the innate differences between you and your partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Good couple communication requires both partners to make small changes that reflect the way their partner would most like to be loved.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Men have to communicate how much they <em>care<\/em> about their female partner.<\/li><li>Women have to communicate how much they <em>trust<\/em> their male partner.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Understand the Language of the Opposite Sex&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You probably wouldn\u2019t expect two different species from two different planets to speak the same language\u2014so why would you expect men and women to communicate in the same way?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A man and a woman can hear the exact same words and glean two completely different meanings. These little misunderstandings often build into big arguments. The first step to avoiding unnecessary arguments is to understand the natural differences in the way you communicate:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Men talk to communicate information<\/strong>. They tend to speak literally and succinctly.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Women talk to communicate feelings<\/strong>. They tend to generalize, hyperbolize, and use poetic language to express themselves.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Because men and women use their words differently, they often misunderstand each other and end up in arguments.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tammy is frustrated and says \u201cYou <em>never<\/em> listen to me!\u201d Her husband, George, responds earnestly, \u201cI\u2019m listening right now.\u201d This upsets Tammy, and she storms out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because George forgot that Tammy is from Venus and likely to hyperbolize, he took her statement literally. He wanted to comfort Tammy with his response, but Tammy only became more frustrated. Tammy forgot that George is from Mars. She interpreted his response as an attempt to invalidate her feelings.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you learn to translate your partner\u2019s words and understand the intended meaning behind them, you\u2019ll be able to avoid arguments by eliminating miscommunication.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Couple Communication: <strong>Translate Venusian to Martian<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Most of the time when women generalize to communicate their feelings, they are also hinting to their partner that they need a particular kind of support. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some examples of common phrases used by women, what women actually mean by them, and how men often misinterpret their meaning:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Women say:<\/strong> \u201cWe never go on dates anymore.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Women mean:<\/strong> \u201cI would love to go out with you sometime. We always have so much fun. Would you take me out to dinner soon?\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Men hear:<\/strong> \u201cYou aren\u2019t making me happy anymore. You aren\u2019t romantic. I\u2019m bored with you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Women say:<\/strong> \u201cOur house is always a wreck.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Women mean:<\/strong> \u201cThe house is messy right now, but I really need time to relax. Do you agree that this mess is out of control? Would you please split some of the work with me?<\/li><li><strong>Men hear:<\/strong> \u201cYou make way too much of a mess. I\u2019m always cleaning up after you. If you don\u2019t stop acting like a lazy slob, I don\u2019t want to live with you anymore.\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Women say: <\/strong>\u201cYou\u2019re not in love with me anymore.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Women mean: <\/strong>\u201cI feel unloved today. I\u2019m afraid I\u2019m losing you. Will you reassure me of<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>your feelings? It would feel nice to hear you say that you love me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Men hear: <\/strong>\u201cI\u2019ve given you everything, and I don\u2019t get anything in return. You are so cold<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>towards me. I have nothing if you don\u2019t even care about me.\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Can you see why men are often turned off by the things women say? Can you see why women often feel unheard?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is a challenge for most men to correctly interpret a woman\u2019s dramatic language, recognize the implied request, and show support in the right way. Sometimes a man will suddenly stop communicating all together until he can figure out the right response, which is another example of a man going into his cave to find a solution to stress.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Couple Communication: <strong>Translate Martian to Venusian<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Because men use speech as a way to convey only the necessary information, they tend to use abbreviated sentences. Here are some examples of common phrases used by men, what men actually mean by them, and how women often misinterpret their meaning:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Men say:<\/strong> \u201cI am OK.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Men mean:<\/strong> \u201cI will be OK once I deal with my upset feelings. Thank you for caring, but I don\u2019t need help right now.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Women hear:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not upset because I don\u2019t care about this conversation.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Men say:<\/strong> \u201cNothing is wrong.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Men mean:<\/strong> \u201cThere is nothing wrong that I can\u2019t handle by myself. Please don\u2019t ask me what\u2019s wrong again.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Women hear:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong. I need to talk about it until I figure out what\u2019s going wrong.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Men say:<\/strong> \u201cNo problem.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Men mean: <\/strong>\u201cIt is not a problem for me to do this task. It\u2019s my pleasure to do this for you.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Women hear:<\/strong> \u201cThis shouldn\u2019t be a problem. Why are you asking for help to solve this if&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>it\u2019s not a problem in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Can you see why women often feel like their male partners don\u2019t care? Can you see why men are often frustrated by their female partners asking them too many questions?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is difficult for most women to correctly interpret a man\u2019s abbreviated sentences and recognize his need to process his thoughts alone. But once you have learned to translate Martian to Venusian, you\u2019ll know that these phrases are warnings that your partner needs your support while he withdraws into himself to process his thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The most common complaint among women in relationships is that men don\u2019t listen.<\/strong> Sometimes a man will completely ignore a woman when she speaks. Sometimes he checks out after listening for a short time. In either case, a man\u2019s intention is usually to stop listening and start trying to find a solution that will make the woman feel better. He wants to be <strong>Mr. Fix-It<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The most common complaint among <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-a-man-in-a-relationship\/\">men in relationships<\/a> is that women try to change men\u2019s behavior<\/strong>. Sometimes, a woman will try to help a man by improving the way he does something. Often, she offers these suggestions without being asked. The woman\u2019s intention is to help the man grow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, because of the natural differences between men and women, Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee often lead to conflict in relationships. The best way to avoid these conflicts is for <strong>men to learn to listen, and for women to learn to keep their advice to themselves until a better time.<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Give Advice the Right Way&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you know how important it is to stop giving your partner unsolicited advice or constructive criticism, you might be wondering how to get your partner to change his behaviors that bother you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s say that you aren\u2019t a fan of the way your partner dresses. How can you communicate that to him without coming across as trying to change him?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember, the first step is to successful couple communication is to fulfill each other&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/love-needs\/\">love needs<\/a>. Empower your partner by showing him acceptance. You might find that once he is secure enough in the relationship, he will begin to ask for your opinions and suggestions when he\u2019s getting dressed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, if you have tried patience and acceptance and your partner still hasn\u2019t asked for your advice, you might have to try approaching him with criticism. Follow these steps to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-conflict-in-relationships\/\">avoid conflict<\/a>:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Don\u2019t give a lecture.<\/strong> Be brief. Next time he is getting dressed, casually say \u201cThat\u2019s not my favorite shirt. Would you try another one tonight?\u201d If he is sensitive to your comment, simply apologize and let it go.<\/li><li><strong>Come back to it another time.<\/strong> Since he was sensitive the first time you mentioned it, wait a while before trying again. Try saying \u201cNext time you wear your green pants, would you try them with your gray shirt?\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Be direct. <\/strong>One day, you could ask your partner \u201cCan I take you shopping? I would love to buy you a nice new outfit.\u201d If he says no, don\u2019t try to push him. If he says yes, remember his previous sensitivities and don\u2019t give too much advice while shopping.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Prepare him for the criticism.<\/strong> Say something like \u201cI really want to tell you something but I don\u2019t want to hurt your feelings. Would you listen to me and let me know how I could say it better?\u201d This way, you\u2019ve prepared your partner for the shock of receiving criticism.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>In each of these instances, you should be alone with your partner. <strong>Always wait to give your partner criticism until there is no one around for him to be embarrassed in front of. <\/strong>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Final Words on Couple Communication<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Successful couple <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/communication-is-key-in-a-relationship\/\">communication in a relationship<\/a> requires active participation from both partners. Both the man and the woman in the relationship have to practice translating the language of the opposite sex and communicating in a way that their partner can understand. Little changes have the power to make a big difference. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What makes for healthy couple communication? What are some communication tips that can repair misunderstandings in romantic relationships? According to John Gray, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, almost all relationship problems can be attributed to errors in couple communication. The fundamental reason these errors happen is that men and women essentially speak a different emotional language. Keep reading for John Gray&#8217;s advice on how to improve couple communication.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[207],"class_list":["post-26673","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-men-are-from-mars","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Couple Communication: Bridging the Gap - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Good couple communication requires both partners to make small changes that reflect the way their partner would most like to be loved.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Couple Communication: Bridging the Gap\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Good couple communication requires both partners to make small changes that reflect the way their partner would most like to be loved.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-16T16:44:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-02-28T02:16:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/autobiographical-listening-7-habitss-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1709\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Couple Communication: Bridging the Gap\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-16T16:44:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-02-28T02:16:31+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/\"},\"wordCount\":1645,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/autobiographical-listening-7-habitss-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Men are From Mars\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/couple-communication\/\",\"name\":\"Couple Communication: Bridging the Gap - 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