{"id":26669,"date":"2021-02-24T12:05:02","date_gmt":"2021-02-24T16:05:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=26669"},"modified":"2021-02-27T22:18:06","modified_gmt":"2021-02-28T02:18:06","slug":"why-women-pull-away","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/","title":{"rendered":"Women Are Like Waves: Why Women Pull Away"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why do women pull away in an intimate relationship? What does it mean for the man? Does it mean she has had a change of heart towards him or is it something else?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When women are in love, they go through a natural cycle of intimacy that is a lot like a wave. First, they feel great and have so much love to give to their partners. Then they begin to fall into a deep well of feelings, like hopelessness and loneliness, and that&#8217;s why women pull away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here is why women pull away and how to respond when it happens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"> Why Women Pull Away<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When women are in love, the wave cycle comes naturally; it is embedded in their psychology. They may not even realize when they are down and that they are more reactive, vulnerable, and in need of love.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a man, it is important to understand why women pull away and learn how to respond to your partner\u2019s fluctuations in intimacy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Women Are Like Waves<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When women are in love, they feel happiness, trust, gratitude, and fulfillment. The reason why women pull away from this happiness bubble is that they are also deeply connected to their pre-existing feelings of fear, sadness, and insecurity. When a woman crashes or goes down into her well, it is a time to express and heal those negative feelings.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A woman\u2019s wave is directly related to her own self-esteem. When a woman feels good about herself, she is able to give love. But when a woman doubts herself, she begins to crash. When a woman is at the low point of her wave, she needs support more than ever.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Signs that a woman is crashing down:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>She feels insecure<\/strong>: She might say \u201cI need more from you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>She feels overwhelmed<\/strong>: She might say \u201cThere\u2019s way too much to do.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>She is uninterested<\/strong>: She might say \u201cDo whatever you want.\u201d<\/li><li><strong>She is mistrustful<\/strong>: She might say \u201cWhat is that supposed to mean?\u201d<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Throughout the cycle of giving love and needing love, a woman continues to love and trust her partner. She doesn\u2019t mean to become vulnerable or insecure in the relationship\u2014it is a natural instinct. Many women don\u2019t even realize that their natural intimacy cycles have a profound impact on their male partners. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>When a woman crashes, it is important to support her and allow her to feel her negative feelings. Once she hits rock bottom, she will be ready to rise, give love, and feel good about herself again.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you do not support your partner through her crashes, she might become hesitant to follow her natural cycle. Without having the opportunity to go down and relieve her negative feelings, a woman may become repressed, numb, and uninspired. Repressed negative emotions often lead to repressed positive emotions, as well, including love. She might withhold sex and affection or develop addictions like drinking, overworking, or overeating.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are three insights that might give you a sense of relief when dealing with a woman going down into her well:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>When you support your partner through her low period, she might not <em>immediately <\/em>feel better. But she will feel safe to dive deeper into her feelings. As you go through many more cycles together, you\u2019ll get better at supporting her through the feelings that often arise during her lowest spells.&nbsp;<\/li><li>You are not to blame for the negative feelings that arise when your female partner crashes. You cannot stop her from going through this cycle, you can only help her get through it.&nbsp;<\/li><li>You are not responsible for fixing a woman\u2019s problems and helping her rise. She will naturally rebound on her own once she has hit the bottom of her emotional low.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>When a Woman Is Down<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When your female partner experiences a sudden change of mood and begins to go down into her well of emotions, don\u2019t become defensive or assume that you are to blame. Remember that the main reason why women pull away is that it is in their natural emotional cycle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are some of the most important things to remember when helping your female partner through her crash:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Make her feel safe:<\/strong> Go out of your way to show your partner that you are there to support her. Never judge her negative feelings or make unfair demands during her low period.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Don\u2019t try to fix it<\/strong>: Remember that you cannot pull your partner out of her low. Don\u2019t offer suggestions or solutions. Just listen and sympathize, even if you cannot understand why she is feeling down.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Don\u2019t expect an immediate lift: <\/strong>Remember that your support might not immediately make your partner feel better. In fact, your partner might go even deeper into her negative feelings. This is actually a positive step! The closer she gets to the bottom, the sooner she will be able to rise.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Don\u2019t get defensive: <\/strong>Remember that your partner is working through <em>pre-existing <\/em>emotions, as well as current ones. Know that most of the negativity your partner is feeling is natural, and not a result of your behavior.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>When a Woman Rises Up&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As soon as a woman rises out of the well, she is back to her normal, loving, giving self. But this does not mean that those negative feelings and pre-existing emotions have been fully resolved. The next time she crashes, many of those feelings will surface again. Often, this causes recurring arguments.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Understand that the reason why women pull away has nothing to do with you. Never say things like, \u201cHow many times are we going to talk about this?\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about this again.\u201d Instead, listen.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Example: Recurring Emotions&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When Chris and Pam got married, they didn\u2019t have much money. Sometimes Pam would go through low periods and complain of being dissatisfied. Chris could easily understand her unhappiness. He resolved to work harder to bring home more money, and Pam felt cared for.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few years later, Chris and Pam were wealthy. But Pam would sometimes still have low spells. Chris couldn\u2019t understand Pam\u2019s pain anymore. He felt that he had fixed all of her problems. Because Chris couldn\u2019t understand her, Pam couldn\u2019t feel truly loved. The more money Chris and Pam made, the less happy Pam became.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>What happened to Chris and Pam?<\/em> At the start of their marriage, Chris could relate to the negative emotions that surfaced when Pam\u2019s wave crashed. He felt that he could work hard and solve all her problems by making more money.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Later in the relationship, Chris could no longer understand why Pam was going in waves. He thought that money had solved her problems. He forgot that she was from Venus\u2014regardless of her new wealth, Pam just needed support in order to rise back up from her well.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once Chris realized that he could make Pam happy by simply validating her feelings, just like he had when they were poor, Chris and Pam experienced renewed <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/happiness-and-love\/\">love and happiness<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The Rubber Band and the Wave&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes, when a woman is crashing to the lowest point of her wave and needs to talk, a man is also stretching back his rubber band and can\u2019t listen. Without an understanding of the natural intimacy cycles of men and women, this could cause conflict in a relationship. But once you know the natural differences between men and women, you can learn to work through these difficult periods together.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How a man can help a woman through her low point while he is pulling back:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Be honest about your limitations<\/strong>: If you have nothing to give and need to stretch away, be honest with yourself that you are not in a good place to listen.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Sympathize with her pain<\/strong>: If your partner needs more love than you can give her, she might feel abandoned. Make sure your partner knows that you understand she\u2019s hurting.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Be reassuring<\/strong>: Reassure your partner that you will come back to her. Tell her that you will give her the love she deserves once you\u2019ve taken care of yourself.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>How a woman can go through her low point and allow her man to stretch away:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Accept his natural cycle<\/strong>: If you want your partner to really listen to you, you\u2019ll have to wait until he is ready to do so. Wait until the time is right to initiate conversation.<\/li><li><strong>Get support elsewhere<\/strong>: If you need support, go to your friends or family. Remind your partner that he is not solely responsible for your happiness.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Ultimately, <strong>a woman should be allowed to ask for love and reassurance when she needs it and a man should be allowed to have time to himself when he needs it<\/strong>. Remember, a healthy relationship results from two people who commit to fulfilling each other\u2019s primary <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/love-needs\/\">love needs<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why do women pull away in an intimate relationship? What does it mean for the man? Does it mean she has had a change of heart towards him or is it something else? When women are in love, they go through a natural cycle of intimacy that is a lot like a wave. First, they feel great and have so much love to give to their partners. Then they begin to fall into a deep well of feelings, like hopelessness and loneliness, and that&#8217;s why women pull away. Here is why women pull away and how to respond when it<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":9782,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[207],"class_list":["post-26669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-men-are-from-mars","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Women Are Like Waves: Why Women Pull Away - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you know why women pull away? When women are in love, they go through a cycle that is a lot like a wave: rising up, then coming down.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Women Are Like Waves: Why Women Pull Away\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you know why women pull away? When women are in love, they go through a cycle that is a lot like a wave: rising up, then coming down.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-02-24T16:05:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-02-28T02:18:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/difficult-conversations-with-your-partner-crucial-conversations-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1696\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Women Are Like Waves: Why Women Pull Away\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-24T16:05:02+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-02-28T02:18:06+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/\"},\"wordCount\":1532,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/difficult-conversations-with-your-partner-crucial-conversations-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Men are From Mars\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/\",\"name\":\"Women Are Like Waves: Why Women Pull Away - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-women-pull-away\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/difficult-conversations-with-your-partner-crucial-conversations-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-02-24T16:05:02+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-02-28T02:18:06+00:00\",\"description\":\"Do you know why women pull away? 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