{"id":23859,"date":"2021-01-12T09:57:49","date_gmt":"2021-01-12T13:57:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=23859"},"modified":"2021-01-22T19:34:13","modified_gmt":"2021-01-22T23:34:13","slug":"reflective-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"Reflective Listening: The Art of Quelling Your Inner Voice"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is reflective listening? How does it differ from the way we normally listen in conversation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reflective listening is different from a typical conversation, where it\u2019s easy to drift into mentally preparing a response or coming up with solutions while the other person is talking.<strong> <\/strong>Listening reflectively requires that you resist the temptation to argue, give advice, or try to \u201cfix\u201d the situation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read about reflective listening and how to apply it in conversation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Barriers to <strong>Reflective Listening<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Most of us are never explicitly taught <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-listen-crucial-conversations\/\">how to listen<\/a> with empathy. Reflective listening is <em>hard<\/em>, even with people we love, because modern culture encourages quick fixes and constant striving rather than empathy and stillness. Allowing someone to feel the full extent of their feelings without offering advice or reassurance requires staying present with someone else\u2019s pain without flinching.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On the other end of the spectrum, listening empathically to people you have strong disagreements with can be equally difficult. In that case, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/empathic-listening-covey-7-habits\/\">empathic listening<\/a> might require you to listen to hurtful words, accusations, or hatred without being provoked into anger and judgment. Maintaining a focus on hearing someone\u2019s feelings and needs underneath layers of insults or bigotry might stretch your capacity for empathy to the breaking point\u2014which is exactly when you need it most.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rather than connect empathically with someone, we often turn to easier options. Here are some common mistakes people make when responding to someone expressing their feelings and needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Tactic<\/strong><\/td><td><strong>Example<\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Consoling<\/td><td>\u201cIt\u2019s okay, you tried your best.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Advising<\/td><td>\u201cIf it were me, I would\u2026\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>One-upping<\/td><td>\u201cThat\u2019s not so bad, I\u2019ve been through way worse.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Storytelling<\/td><td>\u201cThat reminds me of when my aunt went through the same thing\u2026\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Shutting down<\/td><td>\u201cCheer up! It\u2019ll all work out.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Sympathizing<\/td><td>\u201cI\u2019m so sorry. You poor thing.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Interrogating<\/td><td>\u201cHow did it happen?\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Explaining<\/td><td>\u201cI was only late because of traffic.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Correcting<\/td><td>\u201cAre you sure that\u2019s what he said?\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Educating<\/td><td>\u201cYou can learn a lot from this experience.\u201d<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>All of these tactics involve engaging with someone intellectually, <strong>turning them into a project rather than a person.<\/strong> Even mental health professionals often make the mistake of responding to someone\u2019s pain with analysis rather than empathy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is reflective listening? How does it differ from the way we normally listen in conversation? Reflective listening is different from a typical conversation, where it\u2019s easy to drift into mentally preparing a response or coming up with solutions while the other person is talking. Listening reflectively requires that you resist the temptation to argue, give advice, or try to \u201cfix\u201d the situation. Read about reflective listening and how to apply it in conversation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8136,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,43],"tags":[190],"class_list":["post-23859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-nonviolent-communication","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Reflective Listening: The Art of Quelling Your Inner Voice - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Reflective listening is different from a typical conversation where we listen to reply. 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When we listen reflectively, we listen to understand.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-01-12T13:57:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-01-22T23:34:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/communication-7-habits-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1703\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Reflective Listening: The Art of Quelling Your Inner Voice\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-12T13:57:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-22T23:34:13+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/\"},\"wordCount\":382,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/communication-7-habits-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Nonviolent Communication\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/\",\"name\":\"Reflective Listening: The Art of Quelling Your Inner Voice - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/communication-7-habits-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-12T13:57:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-22T23:34:13+00:00\",\"description\":\"Reflective listening is different from a typical conversation where we listen to reply. 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