{"id":23857,"date":"2021-01-20T09:08:12","date_gmt":"2021-01-20T13:08:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=23857"},"modified":"2021-01-22T19:35:35","modified_gmt":"2021-01-22T23:35:35","slug":"nvc-requests","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/","title":{"rendered":"NVC Requests: Ask and You Shall Receive"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What are NVC requests? How can NVC help you make sure that the other person understands the intentions and needs behind your request?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People often request what they need from others in indirect ways. However, this approach is unlikely to result in our needs being met. In NVC, requests are expressed in a specific, action-oriented way as opposed to vague and indirect statements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more about NVC requests and how to use them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Are <strong>NVC Requests<\/strong>?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When making requests, we often assume others intuitively know exactly we want them to do. If they don\u2019t, we often end up resenting them for not picking up on the underlying need behind the request. However, this attitude is unlikely to result in our needs being met. If you want someone else to meet your needs, you need to make <em>specific <\/em>requests using <em>positive action language<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Request Positive Action<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you want others to meet your needs,<strong> it\u2019s more helpful to request what you <em>do <\/em>want them to do than what you <em>don\u2019t <\/em>want them to do<\/strong>. Making negative requests (like \u201cPlease don\u2019t do that\u201d) gives the listener little information about what you\u2019re actually asking of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, imagine you\u2019ve asked your spouse to spend less time at the office, and they respond by going out to eat with friends every night instead. Technically, they\u2019ve complied with your request\u2014but if your goal was to spend more time together, your need is still unmet.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Avoid Vague Language<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes, people might make vague requests because they haven\u2019t thought through what it is they actually want. For example, a father asking his son to \u201cbe more responsible\u201d is making a vague request. If what he really wants is for his son to do exactly as he\u2019s told, then asking his son to be responsible is really a roundabout way of asking him to be obedient.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">NVC Requests vs Demands<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In NVC, requests must clearly communicate that are asking for a favor rather than making a demand. Although it can help to specify upfront that the person is free to say no, the way you react to that \u201cno\u201d sends a <em>far<\/em> more powerful message. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In NVC, the first response whenever someone denies your request is always empathy. This doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t advocate for what you want or make further requests\u2014it just means that before you push back, you <strong>take the time to fully understand and empathize with <em>why<\/em> this person is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/saying-no\/\">saying no<\/a><\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Request Reflection<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Any time you communicate with another person, you make implicit requests, even if those requests are simply for acknowledgment that you\u2019ve been heard and understood. <strong>Go into each interaction with a clear idea of the requests you\u2019re making of the other person. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019re aware of what you\u2019re expressing and requesting, make sure that\u2019s the same message the other person is hearing. To do that, ask them to reflect back what you\u2019ve said in their own words. <strong>If there <em>is<\/em> a misunderstanding, your response should make it clear that you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-responsibility\/\">accept responsibility<\/a> for it. <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What are NVC requests? How can NVC help you make sure that the other person understands the intentions and needs behind your request? People often request what they need from others in indirect ways. However, this approach is unlikely to result in our needs being met. In NVC, requests are expressed in a specific, action-oriented way as opposed to vague and indirect statements. Read more about NVC requests and how to use them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":14299,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[190],"class_list":["post-23857","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-nonviolent-communication","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>NVC Requests: Ask and You Shall Receive - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We often request what we need from others in indirect ways. 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In NVC, requests are phrased in a way that points to their underlying needs.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-01-20T13:08:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-01-22T23:35:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/forgiveness-is-divine-the-case-for-christ-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1709\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"NVC Requests: Ask and You Shall Receive\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-20T13:08:12+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-22T23:35:35+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/\"},\"wordCount\":533,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/forgiveness-is-divine-the-case-for-christ-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Nonviolent Communication\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/\",\"name\":\"NVC Requests: Ask and You Shall Receive - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-requests\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/forgiveness-is-divine-the-case-for-christ-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-20T13:08:12+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-22T23:35:35+00:00\",\"description\":\"We often request what we need from others in indirect ways. 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