{"id":23843,"date":"2021-01-19T09:09:01","date_gmt":"2021-01-19T13:09:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=23843"},"modified":"2021-01-22T19:35:24","modified_gmt":"2021-01-22T23:35:24","slug":"observing-without-evaluating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/","title":{"rendered":"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What does &#8220;observing without evaluating&#8221; mean? How can you apply this idea in practice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Observing without evaluating is the first step of the nonviolent communication approach. As the name suggests, it refers to communicating our observations without passing evaluative or moralistic judgment upon them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read about observing without evaluating and how to apply it in practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Observing Without Evaluating<\/strong>: What Does It Mean?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One fundamental component of NVC is the idea of observing without evaluating. The philosopher J. Krishnamurti calls this \u201cthe highest form of human intelligence,\u201d perhaps because it is so difficult to do. Our brains are natural storytellers, so we often don\u2019t even notice when we make evaluations based on what we see, hear, and feel. But <strong>evaluative language is a form of moralistic judgment <\/strong>that can easily alienate others by reducing them to a label rather than making a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-human-connection\/\">human connection<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Being fully objective is difficult and not always possible or even desirable (for example, when you have strong moral objections to someone\u2019s behavior). In those situations, it&#8217;s still possible to use NVC as long as your language separates the observation from the evaluation. To do this, reference <strong>specific behaviors <\/strong>you observe\u2014like \u201cJohn used two racial slurs in our conversation yesterday\u201d rather than \u201cJohn is a racist.\u201d Whether or not the label is warranted doesn\u2019t matter if the goal is to have a productive conversation about the issue rather than an argument.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To make this idea more concrete, here is a table of examples. The statements on the left have observations and evaluations mixed together, while the statements on the right express the same ideas but keep observations separate from judgments.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Type of Communication<\/strong><\/td><td><strong>Observation and Evaluation, Mixed<\/strong><\/td><td><strong>Observation and Evaluation, Separate<\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Using the verb \u201cto be\u201d to express opinions as facts&nbsp;<\/td><td>You\u2019re too pessimistic.<\/td><td>When I hear you say, \u201cThere\u2019s no point,\u201d I think you sound too pessimistic.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Expressing opinions as facts (without the \u201cto be\u201d verb)<\/td><td>She definitely won\u2019t win this race.&nbsp;<\/td><td>I don\u2019t think she\u2019ll win this race.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Expressing opinions as facts (through judgmental adjectives\/adverbs)<\/td><td>This class is boring.<\/td><td>I struggle to pay attention in this class.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Judging ability as fact, rather than opinion<\/td><td>Reina is terrible at math.<\/td><td>Reina got a C on her last math test.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Using words with judgmental connotations<\/td><td>Janella procrastinates.&nbsp;<\/td><td>Janella doesn\u2019t study for tests until the night before.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Confusing predictions with certainties<\/td><td>If you don\u2019t stop smoking, you\u2019ll get cancer.<\/td><td>If you don\u2019t stop smoking, I\u2019m afraid you could get cancer.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Attributing a description to a group rather than a specific person or interaction&nbsp;<\/td><td>Immigrants don\u2019t want to work.<\/td><td>My next-door neighbor is an immigrant, and he is unemployed.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>Making always\/never generalizations&nbsp;<\/td><td>You\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/always-busy\/\">always busy<\/a>.<\/td><td>You weren\u2019t able to come to my last two parties.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does &#8220;observing without evaluating&#8221; mean? How can you apply this idea in practice? Observing without evaluating is the first step of the nonviolent communication approach. As the name suggests, it refers to communicating our observations without passing evaluative or moralistic judgment upon them. Read about observing without evaluating and how to apply it in practice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":3667,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[190],"class_list":["post-23843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-nonviolent-communication","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"One fundamental component of nonviolent communication is the idea of observing without evaluating. Read about how to apply it in practice.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One fundamental component of nonviolent communication is the idea of observing without evaluating. Read about how to apply it in practice.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-01-19T13:09:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-01-22T23:35:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"764\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"512\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-19T13:09:01+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-22T23:35:24+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\"},\"wordCount\":493,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Nonviolent Communication\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\",\"name\":\"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean? - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-19T13:09:01+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-22T23:35:24+00:00\",\"description\":\"One fundamental component of nonviolent communication is the idea of observing without evaluating. Read about how to apply it in practice.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg\",\"width\":764,\"height\":512},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"description\":\"The World&#039;s Best Book Summaries\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"width\":500,\"height\":74,\"caption\":\"Shortform Books\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\",\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/Untitled-design-1.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/Untitled-design-1.png\",\"caption\":\"Darya Sinusoid\"},\"description\":\"Darya\u2019s love for reading started with fantasy novels (The LOTR trilogy is still her all-time-favorite). Growing up, however, she found herself transitioning to non-fiction, psychological, and self-help books. She has a degree in Psychology and a deep passion for the subject. She likes reading research-informed books that distill the workings of the human brain\/mind\/consciousness and thinking of ways to apply the insights to her own life. Some of her favorites include Thinking, Fast and Slow, How We Decide, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/darya\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean? - Shortform Books","description":"One fundamental component of nonviolent communication is the idea of observing without evaluating. Read about how to apply it in practice.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?","og_description":"One fundamental component of nonviolent communication is the idea of observing without evaluating. Read about how to apply it in practice.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/","og_site_name":"Shortform Books","article_published_time":"2021-01-19T13:09:01+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-01-22T23:35:24+00:00","og_image":[{"width":764,"height":512,"url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Darya Sinusoid","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Darya Sinusoid","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/"},"author":{"name":"Darya Sinusoid","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46"},"headline":"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?","datePublished":"2021-01-19T13:09:01+00:00","dateModified":"2021-01-22T23:35:24+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/"},"wordCount":493,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg","keywords":["Nonviolent Communication"],"articleSection":["Communication","Psychology"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/","name":"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean? - Shortform Books","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg","datePublished":"2021-01-19T13:09:01+00:00","dateModified":"2021-01-22T23:35:24+00:00","description":"One fundamental component of nonviolent communication is the idea of observing without evaluating. Read about how to apply it in practice.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg","width":764,"height":512},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/observing-without-evaluating\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Observing Without Evaluating: What Does It Mean?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","name":"Shortform Books","description":"The World&#039;s Best Book Summaries","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization","name":"Shortform Books","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","width":500,"height":74,"caption":"Shortform Books"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46","name":"Darya Sinusoid","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/Untitled-design-1.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/Untitled-design-1.png","caption":"Darya Sinusoid"},"description":"Darya\u2019s love for reading started with fantasy novels (The LOTR trilogy is still her all-time-favorite). Growing up, however, she found herself transitioning to non-fiction, psychological, and self-help books. She has a degree in Psychology and a deep passion for the subject. She likes reading research-informed books that distill the workings of the human brain\/mind\/consciousness and thinking of ways to apply the insights to her own life. Some of her favorites include Thinking, Fast and Slow, How We Decide, and The Wisdom of the Enneagram.","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/darya\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/art-of-war-opportunities.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23843","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23843"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23843\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":24932,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23843\/revisions\/24932"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3667"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23843"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23843"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23843"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}