{"id":23152,"date":"2021-01-14T09:18:55","date_gmt":"2021-01-14T13:18:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=23152"},"modified":"2021-01-17T14:12:45","modified_gmt":"2021-01-17T18:12:45","slug":"emotional-labeling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-labeling\/","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Labeling: Acknowledge and Validate Feelings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is emotional <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negative-labels\/\">labeling<\/a>? How can labeling others&#8217; emotions help you build rapport and develop intimacy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As the name suggests, emotional labeling is the act of identifying and putting a label on an emotion. When you label someone\u2019s emotions, you\u2019re acknowledging their emotional state and making them feel like it\u2019s safe for them to feel that way.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading for more about emotional labeling. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Is Emotional <strong>Labeling<\/strong>?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Labeling shows the other party that you\u2019ve heard, understood, and acknowledged their feelings<\/strong>. It builds essential rapport and doesn\u2019t require you to give up anything.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So what is emotional labeling? Essentially, <strong>it\u2019s identifying and vocalizing someone else\u2019s emotion (applying a \u201clabel\u201d to them). <\/strong>It\u2019s a valuable shortcut to building intimacy, because it demonstrates insight and empathy on your part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How to Label<\/strong> Emotions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>First, you need to <em>identify<\/em> the other person\u2019s emotions. This requires being perceptive: you have to <strong>be on the lookout for physical and verbal cues<\/strong>. Things like nervous hand gestures or sweating, for example, are telltale signs of anxiety. Ask your counterpart questions to explore what might be driving that anxiety. For now, be aware of hidden emotions and motivations that might lie beneath the surface.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019ve figured out what they\u2019re feeling, <strong>vocalize what they\u2019re feeling back to them<\/strong>. But <strong>always phrase your labels to begin with neutral, qualified, third-person statements <\/strong>like, \u201cIt seems like,\u201d \u201cIt looks like,\u201d or \u201cIt sounds like.\u201d Avoid \u201cI\u201d statements like \u201cI think you\u2019re&#8230;\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u201d sounds like you\u2019re more interested in <em>yourself<\/em> than in your counterpart. And remember, the whole point of emotional labeling is to convince them that you care about <em>them<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Starting with third-party labels also gives you some plausible deniability. If the other person says that your emotional labelling of their anger, for example, is incorrect, you can always respond with something like, \u201cI didn\u2019t say you were angry. I said it <em>seemed<\/em> like you were angry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Why Labeling Works<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s an old expression, \u201cSunlight is the best disinfectant.\u201d And it\u2019s true: <strong>labeling brings your counterpart\u2019s fears and anxieties out into the open, thereby demystifying them<\/strong>, making them seem less scary, and forcing your counterpart to acknowledge and overcome them. Once you\u2019ve done this, you can help them replace their negative emotions with positive, solution-based thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Example of Emotional Labeling<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The author relates a story about a fundraiser for the Girl Scouts who was having a hard time getting a donor to write their next check. The donor seemed uninterested in supporting any of the projects the fundraiser was trying to sell her on.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The fundraiser used labeling to acknowledge the donor\u2019s <em>negative <\/em>feelings by pointedly observing, \u201cIt seems as though you\u2019re hesitant about these projects.\u201d When the donor agreed, the fundraiser used a <em>positive <\/em>label to shift the dynamic, saying, \u201cIt seems that you\u2019re really concerned about finding the right project for your money to support.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The donor was satisfied and felt that she could trust the fundraiser. After more discussion, the meeting ended with a check from the donor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Accusation Audits<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>A twist on emotional labeling is the accusation audit. This involves labeling your counterpart\u2019s negative emotions\u2014but about <em>you<\/em> specifically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>List every bad thing your counterpart could say about you at the beginning of the negotiation<\/strong>. This defuses the situation immediately and puts it all right out there in the open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This might sound like, \u201cI know I didn\u2019t hand in that sales report on time. You probably think I\u2019m lazy, uncommitted, inattentive to detail, and that I don\u2019t care about wasting your time or everybody else\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then, you ask for input based on that list. This is where the tactic really works its magic. <strong>Most of the self-accusations you\u2019ve labeled sound ridiculous and even paranoid<\/strong> when you vocalize them one right after the other. You\u2019ll actually trigger <em>their<\/em> innate human empathy by painting the worst possible picture of yourself to them: <strong>they\u2019ll want to reassure <\/strong><strong><em>you<\/em><\/strong><strong> <\/strong>that you\u2019re not as bad as you\u2019ve portrayed yourself. The admissions and acknowledgments cause the other party to seek common ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Your counterpart might respond to the above accusation audit by saying, \u201cOK look, I don\u2019t think you\u2019re lazy or that you don\u2019t care. This was definitely a mistake but let\u2019s try and fix it.\u201d Right away, you\u2019ve reset the negotiating dynamic. It\u2019s all based in the basic psychological need that all humans have for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/empathetic-connection\/\">empathy and connection<\/a>: <strong>we all have an inherent need to forge some kind of connection to the person across the table<\/strong>. Through an accusation audit, you\u2019ve forced them to make the next move in building that empathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We actually do this intuitively all the time. <strong>Anytime you preface a critique of someone with \u201cI don\u2019t want to sound harsh, but&#8230;\u201d you\u2019re doing an accusation audit<\/strong>. You\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/priming-meaning\/\">priming<\/a> them to think and respond, \u201cNo, you\u2019re not being harsh.\u201d This makes them empathize with you: you\u2019re making them concerned about <em>your<\/em> guilt at being harsh rather than the critique you\u2019re actually delivering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is emotional labeling? How can labeling others&#8217; emotions help you build rapport and develop intimacy? As the name suggests, emotional labeling is the act of identifying and putting a label on an emotion. When you label someone\u2019s emotions, you\u2019re acknowledging their emotional state and making them feel like it\u2019s safe for them to feel that way.&nbsp; Keep reading for more about emotional labeling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":145,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[185],"class_list":["post-23152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-never-split-the-difference","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Emotional Labeling: Acknowledge and Validate Feelings - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As the name suggests, emotional labeling is the act of identifying and putting a label on an emotion. 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