{"id":23151,"date":"2021-01-05T09:26:11","date_gmt":"2021-01-05T13:26:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=23151"},"modified":"2021-01-17T14:10:55","modified_gmt":"2021-01-17T18:10:55","slug":"tactical-empathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/","title":{"rendered":"Tactical Empathy: How to Build Rapport in Negotiation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is tactical empathy? How can it help you get closer to your desired outcome in a negotiation?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tactical empathy is the act of acknowledging your negotiation opponent&#8217;s feelings in the pursuit of your end-term goal. It doesn&#8217;t mean agreeing with your opponent but simply demonstrating that you understand where they are coming from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading for more about tactical empathy and how to use it in a negotiation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What Is <strong>Tactical Empathy<\/strong>?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When it comes to negotiating, <strong>emotions are not the obstacle: they\u2019re the solution<\/strong>. It\u2019s all about being empathetic, recognizing the other person\u2019s feelings and motivations, and getting them to feel that they\u2019re safe with you. Ignoring their needs won\u2019t work in <em>any<\/em> negotiation: They\u2019ll just become frustrated and uncooperative.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But to influence your counterpart\u2019s emotions, you first need to <em>identify <\/em>them. Here we discuss how you can first pick out your counterpart\u2019s deeper emotional drivers, and then use a tactic called <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negative-labels\/\">labeling<\/a> to bring them out into the open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Tactical empathy is understanding someone else\u2019s feelings in order to get what you want from them<\/strong>. It\u2019s about recognizing their perspective and feelings and vocalizing it, in order to get what <em>you <\/em>want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Tactical <strong>empathy is not the same thing as sympathy<\/strong>: You\u2019re not <em>agreeing <\/em>with them. You\u2019re understanding them and acknowledging their feelings.<\/li><li>You gain crucial insight into why someone behaves the way they do when you practice tactical empathy. This makes their behavior not only more understandable, but predictable too: You\u2019ll gain an invaluable advantage in negotiations because you\u2019ll be able to anticipate their next move.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Example: Creating Empathy\u2014With A Kidnapper<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As an example, Chrisdiscusses his negotiations with Abu Sabaya, a violent kidnapper in the Philippines. When Sabaya kidnapped an American, he claimed he was doing so in exchange for \u201cwar damages.\u201d In other words, he believed that he was engaged in a noble struggle for the rights of the oppressed Muslim minority in the Philippines.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Obviously, the American hostage negotiators thought Sabaya\u2019s self-image and professed cause was utterly divorced from reality. But that was irrelevant: the negotiators still needed to show empathy for Sabaya\u2019s beliefs to be able to work with him and bring the hostage standoff to a peaceful resolution. Over the course of months, they were able to identify and summarize Sabaya\u2019s worldview and build the rapport they needed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Voss doesn\u2019t actually provide the extended dialogue for how he and his team reached this breakthrough in the book, but we\u2019ve created one here to demonstrate how summarizing would work in practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sabaya: \u201cWe\u2019ve been talking for months, and I don\u2019t think you Americans are even trying to understand <em>why <\/em>I\u2019m doing this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>FBI: <strong>\u201cIt sounds like you think we don\u2019t care about your motivations or ideology.\u201d (Label)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sabaya: \u201cYou don\u2019t, and you\u2019ll only have yourselves to blame when I execute this hostage for all the world to see!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>FBI: \u201cYou\u2019re fighting for your people. You believe that Filipino Muslims have been oppressed for centuries by Catholics, even down to the present day with fishing rights. You\u2019re resorting to violence because you feel that all the other options haven\u2019t worked. <strong>It all seems so tragically unfair and it makes sense why you\u2019re so angry.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sabaya: \u201cThat\u2019s right!\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When they were rewarded with a \u201cthat\u2019s right\u201d after accurately summarizing his claims of oppression, they knew they had made the crucial breakthrough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Exercise: Practice Tactical Empathy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Answer these questions to learn more about how other people think and feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Have someone else\u2019s actions ever seemed perplexing to you because didn\u2019t know or understand what they really wanted? Describe the situation. In the future, how could you apply some of the tactics you\u2019ve learned to uncover people\u2019s real wants and needs?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Practice mirroring. Write down what someone who was upset with you recently said to you. Now write a response, using the last 3 words in your reply. What do you say?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Practice an accusation audit. Remember a time when someone was unhappy with you. Now do an accusation audit: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. You probably think I\u2019m\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is tactical empathy? How can it help you get closer to your desired outcome in a negotiation? Tactical empathy is the act of acknowledging your negotiation opponent&#8217;s feelings in the pursuit of your end-term goal. It doesn&#8217;t mean agreeing with your opponent but simply demonstrating that you understand where they are coming from. Keep reading for more about tactical empathy and how to use it in a negotiation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":23330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[185],"class_list":["post-23151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-never-split-the-difference","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Tactical Empathy: How to Build Rapport in Negotiation - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Tactical empathy is different from sympathy. 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It is the act of acknowledging (not agreeing with) your opponent&#039;s emotions to get what you want.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-01-05T13:26:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-01-17T18:10:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/conversation-talking-empathy.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1220\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"650\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Darya Sinusoid\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Darya Sinusoid\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/0421cce75bc249b11e2517b3a91f9c46\"},\"headline\":\"Tactical Empathy: How to Build Rapport in Negotiation\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-05T13:26:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-17T18:10:55+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/\"},\"wordCount\":721,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/conversation-talking-empathy.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Never Split the Difference\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Psychology\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/\",\"name\":\"Tactical Empathy: How to Build Rapport in Negotiation - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/tactical-empathy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/conversation-talking-empathy.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-05T13:26:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-17T18:10:55+00:00\",\"description\":\"Tactical empathy is different from sympathy. 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