Ever said something in a heated moment and regretted it after? Emotional self-management is your ability to create space between feeling an emotion and acting on it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to Bradberry and Greaves in Emotional Intelligence 2.0<\/em>, this doesn’t mean suppressing what you feel. It means channeling those emotions productively so you stay in control of your behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n Originally Published:\u00a0January 3, 2021 Self-management is your ability to use your self-awareness to control your behavior<\/strong>. In essence, it\u2019s about creating space between feeling an emotion and acting on it. Importantly, Bradberry and Greaves note that this doesn\u2019t mean suppressing your emotions\u2014it means channeling them productively. Someone with strong self-management might feel anger rising during a tense conversation, but they choose to take three deep breaths before responding to keep from saying something they\u2019ll regret. Or they might recognize when they\u2019re too upset to make a good decision and deliberately wait until the next day to respond to a difficult email. <\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: Bradberry and Greaves\u2019s concept of self-management aligns with research on emotional regulation<\/em>: the process of effectively managing emotions\u2019 intensity and duration. Psychologists use the term emotional dysregulation<\/em> to describe maladaptive regulation patterns<\/a> that keep people from returning to a healthy emotional baseline. Two particularly problematic patterns<\/a> are emotional inertia, where negative emotions persist too long and resist change<\/a>, and emotional instability, where emotions shift rapidly and unpredictably. Both reflect failures to create the space between feeling and acting that the authors describe: Inertia means that your emotions get stuck and don\u2019t resolve, while instability means that they won\u2019t stabilize.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n People with high-levels of emotional self-management:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here are 16 tips to help you with developing your emotional self-management.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #1: Focus on your breath. <\/strong>Your brain requires oxygen to function properly. Especially when stressed, people don\u2019t breathe deeply enough throughout their day, robbing the brain of valuable oxygen. When the brain lacks oxygen, it prioritizes basic needs (such as touch or sight) over complex processes (such as thought or emotion). When you take deep breaths, your rational brain engages and your body calms down. To breathe properly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #2: Count to ten. <\/strong>When you feel yourself getting frustrated, breathe and count to ten. This gives your body a chance to calm down and your brain a moment to develop a rational outlook on the situation. Without this moment to calm down, emotions often dictate your behavior, leading to biting remarks that can incite arguments. In these scenarios, no one thinks rationally or works effectively. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In situations where you can\u2019t reasonably stay silent for ten seconds straight (a one-on-one meeting or discussion), find subtle ways to give yourself a moment to breathe. For example, you could bring a beverage to the meeting. When you feel emotions begin to rise, drink your beverage and begin to count. Taking a moment or two to collect your thoughts allows you to more effectively assess your surroundings and lets you think before you speak<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #3: Take time before you respond.<\/strong> Patience is a key factor to staying in control of your emotions and making rational decisions<\/a>. If you respond to emotionally charged situations too quickly, emotions become the driving force behind your words, and, often, lead you to say or do things that don\u2019t align with your intentions. Step away from the situation for a while before responding, ideally a day or longer. This gives you a clearer perspective on the situation, allowing you to make logical choices instead of emotional ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #4: Stay in control of your body language<\/a>. <\/strong>When you manage your emotions<\/a>, your body language will remain calm and collected, reflecting your control of the situation. When your emotions begin to take the reins, you lose control over your body language. When you find yourself beginning to lose control, turn your focus away from your emotional state and towards the task at hand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you notice that you think you\u2019re feeling one way, but your body is indicating a different emotion, take a moment to investigate why your body is reacting the way that it is. Is something in your surroundings stressing you out? Did someone enter the room that you can\u2019t stand? Once you understand why your body is reacting the way that it is, you can better align your emotions with your body language.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For instance, you\u2019re giving a speech, and the teleprompter turns off mid-way through your address. You begin to panic:<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re in control of your emotions, you may take a deep breath, think about the topic you\u2019re discussing, and continue on as if nothing has happened. You stay in control of your body and finish the speech.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If your emotions begin to overwhelm you, you may begin to stutter and your knees may begin to shake. If you can\u2019t manage the emerging panic, it may disrupt the rest of your speech as you lose control of your body and ability to think clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #5: Develop a reason vs. emotion list. <\/strong>People often struggle to make decisions when their emotional brain<\/a> and their rational brain tell them to do different things. When emotion sways your decision-making<\/a> process, your feelings may cloud your judgment. At the same time, emotions often indicate important things about your surroundings that your rational brain may try to ignore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To make decisions clearer, make a two-column list. On one side, list what your emotional brain wants you to do, and, on the other, list what your rational brain wants you to do. Once you complete your list, compare the two sides and ask yourself two questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #6: Dedicate time to problem-solving.<\/strong> Life gets busy, and it\u2019s challenging to find time in a full schedule to think through decisions before making them. To remedy this, schedule 15 minutes a day to walk away from your work and problem-solve particular issues. This will help you to make clearer choices and ensure that your feelings aren\u2019t swaying your decision-making process<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #7: Laugh and smile. <\/strong>The act of laughing<\/a> and smiling sends signals to your brain that say, \u201cI am happy.\u201d <\/em>Even if you\u2019re frustrated, smiling will help counteract negative feelings and allow you to get through the moment. Also, when you\u2019re feeling down, find material that you find enjoyable or funny. Listening to a song, watching a funny movie, or reading an enjoyable book help alleviate negative emotions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #8: Schedule time to exercise. <\/strong>Exercise increases blood flow and overall fitness. It releases chemicals into your brain that help recharge your mental battery and strengthen areas of your brain that correlate to decision-making, rationality, and organization. When you overload your schedule, you often leave yourself no time to get exercise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To help with this issue, schedule specific time to commit to some form of physical activity and stick to it. Ideally, these activities should be active and vigorous, but any form of exercise will yield results. These activities can include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #9: Sleep better. <\/strong>Most people do not sleep effectively, denying their brain a full recharge. Self-management requires focus, energy, and clarity\u2014all of which rely on the brain working as efficiently as possible. To ensure you’re getting restful sleep:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #10: Talk with a third party. <\/strong>When you\u2019re in the midst of a challenging situation, it\u2019s hard to see the bigger picture<\/a>. Get an unbiased outside perspective to help you keep things objective and rational as you decipher your emotions and determine the best route forward. When possible, get advice from a skilled self-manager. Ask them about the methods they use to handle their emotions, then try to implement some of their suggestions into your day-to-day life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #11: Publicize your goals. <\/strong>Working towards goals can be stressful. This stress often makes people abandon their objectives before they achieve them, especially when no one knows about them. When creating goals for yourself, share them and ask other people to hold you accountable. This gives you a support system to motivate you when faced with emotional obstacles that make you want to quit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, you\u2019re trying to start a diet, but you had a stressful day and don\u2019t want to cook. Ordering a pizza is tempting. If no one holds you accountable, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019ll dial your local pizza joint. However, if someone at home knows about your diet, they can help keep you from making choices that disrupt your current goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #12: Learn from everyone. <\/strong>You can learn something from every encounter\u2014even if the encounter is negative. In every situation, you can learn something about how your emotions work and what causes certain feelings to arise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For instance, you just finished a major project that you\u2019ve been working on for weeks. You show it to your supervisor who looks at it and immediately begins to tear it apart, finding every flaw you missed. You get overwhelmed as they continue to list issues. While the interaction may be frustrating, it also comes with an opportunity to investigate why you get defensive when given feedback:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Is it an issue with the person giving the feedback? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Is it the way in which they gave you the feedback? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Is it because you poured a lot of effort into the project? <\/p>\n\n\n\n These questions will help you discover the reasoning behind your emotions and give you the information necessary to manage those feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #13: Keep your \u201cself-talk\u201d positive. <\/strong>\u201cSelf-talk\u201d is your inner voice<\/a> and has a major impact on your emotional state. You talk to yourself every day: praising yourself for accomplishing tasks, admonishing yourself for making mistakes, and so on. If you keep your self-talk positive, it can get you through challenges and help support you throughout your day. However, if you let your self-talk become negative, it can ruin a good mood and quickly make your day miserable. To avoid negativity and take control of your self-talk:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #14: Focus on your freedom, not your limitation. <\/strong>Focusing on what you can\u2019t do creates a feeling of helplessness<\/a> that produces negative emotions. Conversely, focusing on what you can<\/em> do or control allows you to remain calm and collected regardless of the situation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, you just found out that your boss has put you onto a team with someone you can\u2019t stand named Becky. You know that you cannot get yourself or Becky off the team. If you focus upon your restriction (you have no control over the composition of the team), you may quickly grow resentful or anxious. However, if you try to focus on what you can control<\/a> (emotional preparation for dealing with Becky, physical preparation for the project itself, and so on), you notice that you have more power than you thought and come into the project collected and ready to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #15: Visualize self-management. <\/strong>Your brain has a hard time distinguishing between what your eyes actually see and what you visualize in your brain. When you visualize scenarios in which you successfully manage your emotions, new neural pathways<\/a> develop in the same way that they would if the scenario were actually playing out in reality. This allows you to practice different management strategies, even when the opportunities may not arise frequently. When visualizing:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last Updated: January 4, 2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nWhat Is Emotional Self-Management?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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16 Tips for Developing It<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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