{"id":21887,"date":"2021-01-01T16:07:00","date_gmt":"2021-01-01T20:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=21887"},"modified":"2021-01-04T19:11:03","modified_gmt":"2021-01-04T23:11:03","slug":"respecting-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"Respecting Boundaries at Work Leads to Better Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why are boundaries important to establish at work? How does respecting boundaries enhance trust and build relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Creating <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/trust-in-the-workplace\/\">trust at work<\/a> requires establishing and respecting boundaries. Radical candor doesn&#8217;t mean being completely open about every single thing, just being truly honest and empathetic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to understand the importance of respecting boundaries for creating a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/culture-of-candor\/\">culture of candor<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Respecting Boundaries to Build Effective Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The second part of building effective relationships with your team members is respecting their boundaries. Respecting boundaries is not a one-size-fits-all practice. As a leader, you\u2019ll have to navigate what \u201cboundaries\u201d look like for each person on your team\u2014everyone will react differently to the idea of bringing their whole selves to work and sharing aspects of their personal lives with you. The good news is, this gets easier over time, as your relationships strengthen and you understand your employee\u2019s needs more deeply.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s challenging to simultaneously get to know your employees and understand their integrated work-life selves, while respecting the boundaries they may set around their personal information\u2014there are 6 guidelines that can help you navigate the process:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You have to build trust<\/li><li>It might not <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/melania-trumps-be-best\/\">be best<\/a> to share values<\/li><li>Stay open to new perspectives<\/li><li>Use physical touch where appropriate<\/li><li>Tune into your own emotions<\/li><li>Figure out how to deal with others\u2019 emotions<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Guideline 1: You Have to Build Trust<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Trust-building is a long, slow process of repeatedly asking questions about your employee and showing that you are trustworthy by engaging with their responses. You can\u2019t rush it by immediately asking deeply personal questions, which will likely scare them off. On the other hand, you can\u2019t sit back and wait for trust to just <em>happen<\/em>\u2014as the leader, you have to take the first step of asking questions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The best way to get into the trust-building process is to regularly spend one-on-one time with your employees. Let them decide the topic of discussion so they can talk about whatever they need to talk about, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-responsibility\/\">take responsibility<\/a> for asking the questions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Guideline 2: It Might Not Be Best to Share Values<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Many organizations tout the benefits of sharing values among team members, thinking that doing so will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-support-colleagues-at-work\/\">help colleagues<\/a> better understand and communicate with one another, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/act-with-integrity\/\">act with integrity<\/a>. However, this might not be the best way to build relationships, for several reasons:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Refining and practicing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-determine-your-values\/\">your personal values<\/a> is a lifelong process, which gets minimized by a short value-sharing exercise.&nbsp;<\/li><li>While some people might find it helpful to name their values aloud, others might find it impossible to pack the meaning of their values into a simple expression.<\/li><li>Some people might feel that their values are too private to be discussed with colleagues. Their colleagues might disagree with their values, which only goes toward breaking down relationships, not building them.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You don\u2019t need to ask about or share values with your employees\u2014but you <em>do<\/em> need to know what <em>your<\/em> personal values are, and depend on them to help you show up to conversations and tough work in a way that aligns with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">who you are<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/dare-to-lead\">Read our summary of <em>Dare to Lead<\/em><\/a> to learn more about how your values can help you show up to tough conversations with integrity.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Guideline 3: Stay Open to New Perspectives<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If your team members share their values or experiences with you, your job as a leader is to stay open to their perspective. This practice of basic respect is at the center of strong <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/career-relationships\/\">work relationships<\/a>. Your \u201cpersonal care\u201d has to extend to everyone, even those who come from a different background, have a different perspective of the world, or have beliefs you don\u2019t understand. If you mandate that people have beliefs or values similar to yours, or that they hide their conflicting beliefs and values before you\u2019re interested in building a relationship with them, your work relationships will be weak, artificial, and void of trust.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Beyond accepting the diverse perspectives of your employees, you can further strengthen your relationships by making a perceptible effort to create a workplace that honors their diverse perspectives. This might look like organizing a workshop on discussing race in the workplace, or a review of exclusive language in your organization&#8217;s written materials.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Guideline 4: Use Physical Touch While Respecting Boundaries<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Physical touch is often considered inappropriate in the workplace, but sometimes it can go a long way toward strengthening your relationships by showing that you care personally. If one of your employees experiences a death in the family, or announces that they\u2019re having a baby, a professionally distant handshake won\u2019t demonstrate that you care about them. A hug, on the other hand, certainly would.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, when it comes to physical touch, you have to be attuned to your employees\u2019 needs\u2014<em>ask them<\/em> what they prefer. Don\u2019t make an assumption they might <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/be-uncomfortable\/\">be uncomfortable<\/a> with. Some of your employees will be comfortable with hugging and gladly accept it, but others will prefer not to be hugged. It\u2019s important to find another way to include these employees in expressions of care, such as a reassuring shoulder squeeze, or a note left on their desk. It\u2019s okay to ask what will work for them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Guideline 5: Tune Into Your Own Emotions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you create a work culture where everyone is expected to bring their whole selves to work, it\u2019s important to be attuned to the emotions <em>your <\/em>whole self brings to work. This is important when you\u2019re carrying negative emotions, because emotions spread easily, especially when you\u2019re the boss and everyone is tuned in to how you\u2019re feeling.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You have to find a way to keep your emotions from getting in everyone\u2019s way, without suppressing or trying to ignore them, which could cause them to manifest in a way that&#8217;s not in your control and chips away at trust\u2014such as snapping at someone for asking for your help. Be candid about what\u2019s going on, and assure your team that they\u2019re not to blame for your bad mood. You could say something like, \u201cI\u2019m exhausted because I stayed up all night with a sick kid, so I\u2019m really irritable today. I\u2019m trying my best not to snap at anyone, but if I do, please know it\u2019s nothing against you or your work.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Guideline 6: Respecting Boundaries While Dealing With Others\u2019 Emotions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re building relationships with your team\u2014especially when asking your team to bring their whole selves to work, and when challenging directly alongside caring personally\u2014you\u2019ll inevitably be exposed to others\u2019 emotions. The most important rule in these situations is: <em>don\u2019t try to control, manipulate, or prevent others\u2019 emotions. <\/em>Instead, your focus should be on engaging with their emotions and reacting with empathy. There are seven methods that can help you react to others\u2019 emotions with empathy, rather than with defensive or controlling behavior:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Recognize emotions: <\/strong>Don\u2019t pretend that your employees\u2019 emotional reactions aren\u2019t happening, or try to assuage them by saying something like, \u201cDon\u2019t take it personally.\u201d Instead, try opening up a fuller conversation about it by saying something like, \u201cI\u2019m sensing that you\u2019re frustrated. Do you want to talk about it?\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Don\u2019t tell people how to feel: <\/strong>Telling people how to feel (or not feel) will usually have the opposite effect on them\u2014if you say to your employee, \u201cDon\u2019t be angry,\u201d they\u2019ll likely get even angrier.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Don\u2019t approach with guilt: <\/strong>When failures or setbacks happen, it\u2019s natural that people will be upset. If you feel personal guilt for others\u2019 negative emotions, you\u2019ll likely react defensively. You have to remember that their feelings aren\u2019t your fault, and they\u2019re not necessarily directed at you. Otherwise, you\u2019ll focus on your own guilty feelings instead of on <em>their <\/em>negative emotions that need attention.<\/li><li><strong>Ask questions: <\/strong>Don\u2019t tell someone what they\u2019re feeling. Instead, keep asking questions about their emotional reaction until you arrive at the root of the problem together.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Build in little breaks:<\/strong> Having bottles of water or tissues on hand to offer to an upset employee gives them a moment to regain their composure if needed.<\/li><li><strong>Go for a walk:<\/strong> Tough conversations are best on their feet\u2014emotions feel less intense in an open space, and when you are walking and looking in the same direction, the conversation tends to feel more collaborative than combative.<\/li><li><strong>Take a break if you need to: <\/strong>If you\u2019re truly uncomfortable with someone\u2019s emotional reaction, instead of telling them how to feel or ignoring them, you can take some space for yourself. For example, you could say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry you\u2019re so angry about the way that presentation went. I\u2019m going to grab you a cup of coffee and I\u2019ll be back in a few minutes.\u201d If you\u2019re still feeling uncomfortable after your break, give yourself some space. You can say, \u201cI\u2019d like to press pause on this conversation. I know it\u2019s important to you, so we <em>will<\/em> come back to it, but I can\u2019t have this conversation right now.\u201d Be forgiving to yourself for needing space, but recognize the importance of coming back to the conversation when you\u2019re ready\u2014your employee needs to see that you\u2019re good on your word when it comes to addressing issues that are important to them.<\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why are boundaries important to establish at work? How does respecting boundaries enhance trust and build relationships? Creating trust at work requires establishing and respecting boundaries. Radical candor doesn&#8217;t mean being completely open about every single thing, just being truly honest and empathetic. Keep reading to understand the importance of respecting boundaries for creating a culture of candor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":15949,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,34,30],"tags":[177],"class_list":["post-21887","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business","category-communication","category-work","tag-radical-candor","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Respecting Boundaries at Work Leads to Better Relationships - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What do you need to build strong relationships at work? Creating and respecting boundaries is essential for trust and collaboration.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Respecting Boundaries at Work Leads to Better Relationships\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What do you need to build strong relationships at work? Creating and respecting boundaries is essential for trust and collaboration.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-01-01T20:07:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-01-04T23:11:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Nudge-government-intervention-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rina Shah\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rina Shah\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Rina Shah\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d07435826f13a8f422d5d333dceac287\"},\"headline\":\"Respecting Boundaries at Work Leads to Better Relationships\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-01T20:07:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-04T23:11:03+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/\"},\"wordCount\":1602,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Nudge-government-intervention-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Radical Candor\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Business\",\"Communication\",\"Work\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/\",\"name\":\"Respecting Boundaries at Work Leads to Better Relationships - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/respecting-boundaries\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/Nudge-government-intervention-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-01-01T20:07:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-01-04T23:11:03+00:00\",\"description\":\"What do you need to build strong relationships at work? 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