{"id":20731,"date":"2020-12-17T20:09:06","date_gmt":"2020-12-18T00:09:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=20731"},"modified":"2020-12-19T17:43:20","modified_gmt":"2020-12-19T21:43:20","slug":"feminine-and-masculine-energy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/","title":{"rendered":"Feminine and Masculine Energy: Everyone Has Both"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do we all have feminine and masculine energy? What are these different types of energies and how do they work?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Most people have both feminine and masculine energy. Finding a balance can help you feel better about yourself and have more positive interactions with others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more about feminine and masculine energy and how it works. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>People Have Feminine and Masculine Energy<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In the previous two laws, we looked at emotions (envy and aggression) that everyone hides. In this law, we\u2019ll look at <em>traits <\/em>that almost everyone represses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Everyone has both feminine and masculine energy, regardless of their gender.<\/strong> These traits come from two sources: genetics, and the influence of our parents, particularly the one of the opposite sex who is the first person we meet who\u2019s significantly different from us.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, young boys tend to be emotional, empathetic, and sensitive, which they learn from their mothers. Young girls are strong-willed and adventurous, which they learn from their fathers. Children are also affected by their parents\u2019 Shadow sides.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>As we grow out of infancy, we start seeking <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/maturity-continuum-7-habits\/\">independence<\/a> from our parents, and the easiest way to do this is to start fitting ourselves into the existing identity of gender roles, despite whatever natural feminine and masculine energy we have. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, boys tend to develop aggression and independence as a way of differentiating themselves from their nurturing and loving mothers.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Gender roles create psychological distance between the sexes, and sometimes <strong>this difference is so vast it makes people of different genders seem incomprehensible to each other.<\/strong> This lack of understanding can lead to hostility between the sexes, especially in men, perhaps because their mothers make them feel dependent and other women remind them of this dependency. As genders get closer to equality, this tension only strengthens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, <strong>this conflict between the sexes is really just a manifestation of inner conflict.<\/strong> Because we\u2019re so young when we start repressing, <strong>sometimes, we don\u2019t even realize we\u2019ve lost parts of ourselves until we meet people who aren\u2019t as repressed<\/strong>, or we hit midlife and realize we\u2019re missing something about our feminine and masculine energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the law, we\u2019ll study some basics of gender, including the anima and animus. Then, we\u2019ll learn how to use this knowledge to control our own nature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Study the Law: Learn About the Anima and Animus<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to psychologist Carl Jung, <strong>we all have an internal entity called the anima (our repressed feminine tendencies) or animus (our repressed masculine tendencies).<\/strong> We tend to fall in love with people who embody our anima or animus because we want to get closer to our opposite both internally and externally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, Chopin was more feminine and George Sand more masculine, and they complemented each other.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>When in love, our repressed traits come to the surface. To outsiders, it might look like we\u2019re behaving out of character, but in fact, we\u2019re being more authentic because we\u2019re displaying <em>all <\/em>our traits, not just the traits associated with one gender. As a result, most of us change in the following ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>We focus on one person rather than the variety of topics we\u2019re usually absorbed by.<\/li><li>We act childishly and feel childish fear.<\/li><li>We badly judge other people\u2019s characters and don\u2019t listen to anyone who tries to set us straight.<\/li><li>We don\u2019t understand why we\u2019re doing any of the above.<\/li><li>Our self-opinions become more malleable.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>(We don\u2019t necessarily need another person to see our anima or animus\u2014we can fall in love with ourselves.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Identify Projections<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To see our own anima or animus and work towards letting it free so we\u2019re not possessed but balanced, we can analyze who we fall for. <\/strong>Our choice of lover has a lot to do with our relationship with our parent of the opposite sex. If the relationship was ambivalent, we\u2019ll look for someone who has the same qualities but whom we might be able to fix. If the relationship was negative, we\u2019ll look for people who are the opposite of our parents, particularly in feminine and masculine energy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a result, <strong>we rarely see people as they are\u2014instead, we project qualities onto them that they don\u2019t actually have.<\/strong> Projecting is automatic and it\u2019s not inherently bad\u2014it\u2019s how we start relationships with people of the opposite sex.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Learning about projections is important for four reasons:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1. You\u2019ll be able to identify what you\u2019re projecting on others<\/strong>, which will help you stop doing it. If you don\u2019t clear your projections, you\u2019ll never get to know the real person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2. You\u2019ll be able to understand how others project on you.<\/strong> When you become aware that someone\u2019s projecting, don\u2019t try to fit their image. It will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/be-uncomfortable\/\">be uncomfortable<\/a> to not be yourself, you won\u2019t get credit for your real qualities, and you\u2019ll become resentful.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, if a man\u2019s mother nurtured him, he\u2019ll look for or project nurturing qualities onto you. He\u2019s not falling in love with you so much as the side of himself he repressed while growing up (it wasn\u2019t manly to be nurturing like his mother).&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>3. You\u2019ll be able to see what people are repressing.<\/strong> When you meet someone who\u2019s strongly masculine or feminine, you can assume their anima or animus will be just as strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Example #1: Hypermasculine Richard Nixon presented himself as macho but was interested in people\u2019s suits and the color of the drapes in his office.<\/li><li>Example #2: Hyperfeminine women are repressing a lot of aggression that comes from having to play a role. They\u2019re passive-aggressive and try to dominate others, including in what might appear to be a very feminine way, like acting girlish.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>4. You\u2019ll be able to better understand how others react to those of the opposite sex. <\/strong>This will help you influence people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are the six common types of projections:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Women\u2019s Projections<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The following three projections are what women project onto men:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Type #1: The Charmer<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This imaginary man is older, successful, a bit of a rake, and romantic. He\u2019ll want to change his ways and become respectable when he meets the right woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The real men who inspire this projection are actually self-absorbed, irredeemable, and not as romantic as they first appear. <\/strong>However, if they <em>were <\/em>as attentive and romantic as the woman imagined, she\u2019d think they were weak and boring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Women who come up with this projection often had intense relationships with their fathers. They loved the attention they received (their fathers might have preferred them to their mothers because they were more playful) and they\u2019ll be seeking this attention their entire lives. They also absorb their father&#8217;s aggressive, masculine edge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis\u2019s father treated her more like a playmate than his daughter. He was a womanizer, a narcissist, handsome, and macho. Jacqueline was attracted to men who were, like her father, older and spirited.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To stop this projection, women must notice the pattern of men they\u2019re attracted to and stop idealizing their fathers.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Type #2: The Bad Boy<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This imaginary man is young, unconventional, dislikes authority, and fathers don\u2019t approve of him. He <em>looks<\/em> rebellious with tattoos and a shaved head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The real man underneath this projection isn\u2019t rebellious so much as lazy,<\/strong> and that\u2019s why he doesn\u2019t have a conventional job. He can be controlling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Women who use this projection often had strict, conventional, critical fathers who repressed their daughter\u2019s rebelliousness. As a result, these women look for rebelliousness outside themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To stop projecting this type, women must develop their own rebelliousness and assertiveness.<\/strong> They can do this by breaking small rules and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/saying-no\/\">saying no<\/a> to people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Type #3: The Confident Intellectual<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This imaginary man is smart, confident, powerful, and dependable. He may be older and not physically attractive, but his allure is his self-assurance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In reality, these men don\u2019t possess the imagined qualities, or if they do, they only possess them in weaker concentrations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, in <em>Middlemarch<\/em>, Dorothea Brooke falls for Edward Causabon, a Confident Intellectual. He\u2019s older, wealthy, academic, and unattractive. She wants to marry him because she can learn from him. In reality, he\u2019s controlling and treats her badly.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Women who use this projection have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/consequences-of-low-self-esteem\/\">low self-esteem<\/a> because they\u2019ve taken to heart criticism from others, especially their fathers. Because they lack their own confidence, they search for it externally.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To avoid this projection, women need to acknowledge that they\u2019ve internalized inaccurate criticism. <\/strong>They can develop self-confidence by learning a new skill or working at a project. They need to learn to see themselves as equal to men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Men\u2019s Projections<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Men project the following profiles on women:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Type #1: The Perfect Woman<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This vague, imaginary woman will give the man everything his previous relationships (including the one with his mother) have lacked. However, he can\u2019t articulate exactly what was lacking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The real women who inspire this fantasy are usually narcissistic and independent, or free-spirited without a defined identity. They\u2019re never perfect, because no one is, and the man is always disappointed and moves on.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Men who come up with this projection often had mothers who didn\u2019t give them enough attention. Some of them may have been expected to give their mother&#8217;s attention because they weren\u2019t getting it from their husbands. These men\u2019s feminine sides are introspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To stop this projection, men need to spend more time with real, flawed women. <\/strong>They need to give up control. When they need a muse, they need to look at their own anima and get closer to their feminine side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Type #2: The Damsel in Distress<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This imaginary woman seems to need rescuing and is unlike any other woman the man has ever met. She often comes from a lower class or different culture, and the man finds a way to idealize her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, in <em>In Search of Lost Time<\/em>, Charles Swann meets a woman named Odette who\u2019s uneducated, crude, and fascinating. He decides she reminds him of a woman in a Botticelli painting and decides to marry her to rescue her. He badly misread her, though\u2014she\u2019s strong and smart and takes control of him.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Men who come up with this projection often had strong mothers. They have paradoxical feelings about their lovers\u2014they think they want to be with someone like their mother, but they\u2019re more attracted to sexy women, so they come up with a way to make sexy women classier. They think they want to help or rescue their lovers, but in fact, they crave danger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To stop this projection, men need to develop their own feminine side<\/strong>\u2014they\u2019re attracted to playful, sensuous women because they don\u2019t have any of those qualities themselves. They need to try new experiences, even dangerous ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Type #3: The Worshipper<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This imaginary woman is kind, is attentive, and admires the man. She provides comfort to his difficult life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The real women who inspire this projection don&#8217;t possess the imagined qualities to the degree that the man wants, even if he manipulates her into playing a mothering role. Eventually, when it becomes obvious the woman isn\u2019t prepared to be his mother, he thinks that she\u2019s changed or misled him. She\u2019s resentful. When they break up, it will be painful for the man because it feels like being abandoned by his mother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Men who project this usually had an adoring, attentive mother. As they grow up, they try to meet their mothers\u2019 expectations and are looking for women who can provide the same support their mothers did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To avoid this projection, the man must notice the pattern. He needs to realize that he pushes himself too hard (to please his mother)<\/strong> and develop his own comforting qualities.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do we all have feminine and masculine energy? What are these different types of energies and how do they work? Most people have both feminine and masculine energy. Finding a balance can help you feel better about yourself and have more positive interactions with others. Read more about feminine and masculine energy and how it works.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":13043,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,24,6],"tags":[167],"class_list":["post-20731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-society","category-spiritual","tag-the-laws-of-human-nature","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Feminine and Masculine Energy: Everyone Has Both - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all have masculine and feminine energy, and both energies are equally valid. Both energies matter for a person&#039;s health and happiness.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Feminine and Masculine Energy: Everyone Has Both\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We all have masculine and feminine energy, and both energies are equally valid. Both energies matter for a person&#039;s health and happiness.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-12-18T00:09:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-12-19T21:43:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/dating-power-dynamics-the-game-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Carrie Cabral\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Carrie Cabral\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"10 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Carrie Cabral\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2ababb7c63a94ff5d2190f71dc417d56\"},\"headline\":\"Feminine and Masculine Energy: Everyone Has Both\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-12-18T00:09:06+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-12-19T21:43:20+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/\"},\"wordCount\":2002,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/dating-power-dynamics-the-game-scaled.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Laws of Human Nature\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Society\",\"Spiritual\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/\",\"name\":\"Feminine and Masculine Energy: Everyone Has Both - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feminine-and-masculine-energy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/dating-power-dynamics-the-game-scaled.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-12-18T00:09:06+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-12-19T21:43:20+00:00\",\"description\":\"We all have masculine and feminine energy, and both energies are equally valid. 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