{"id":20584,"date":"2020-12-05T09:05:41","date_gmt":"2020-12-05T13:05:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=20584"},"modified":"2020-12-19T17:38:24","modified_gmt":"2020-12-19T21:38:24","slug":"making-people-like-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Making People Like You: 5 Easy Strategies to Use"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How does making people like you work? Are there certain techniques or strategies to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-more-likable\/\">get people to like you<\/a>? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Making people like you isn&#8217;t as difficult as it sounds. There are a few clear strategies that can ensure people like you and have a positive impression of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read to find out the best strategies for making people like you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Making People Like You: Confirm Their Self-Opinions<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>To influence people, you need to get them to drop their defenses by making them feel validated and confirming their self-opinion.<\/strong> People can think whatever they want about themselves, but they don\u2019t know that it&#8217;s true until someone else confirms it. When they get confirmation, they relax and feel secure, which allows them to stop worrying about themselves and think about other things, such as whatever you\u2019re trying to convince them of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you come up against <strong>someone with a low self-opinion, you still need to validate this opinion.<\/strong> Be empathetic about how difficult their lives are. Only once they feel validated can you start convincing them out of their low self-opinion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>If you try to get people to do what you want in any way other than validating them<\/strong>\u2014for example, by pleading or making them feel guilty\u2014<strong>you might get what you want once, but they\u2019ll resent you and be unlikely to help in the future.<\/strong> And if you always try to influence people in these ineffective ways, you become in danger of thinking that everyone in the world is indifferent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There are five strategies for confirming someone\u2019s self-opinion and making people like you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Strategy #1: Listen Deeply<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>In a conversation, everyone is more interested in their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/inner-dialogue\/\">internal monologue<\/a> than what the other person is saying. We\u2019re partly listening, but we\u2019re also partly thinking about what to say next or even zoning out. <strong>The best way to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-your-listening-skills\/\">improve your listening skills<\/a> is to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-inspire-yourself\/\">motivate yourself<\/a> to be interested in the other person. <\/strong>Think of them as a mystery\u2014you already know what\u2019s going in your head, but you don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on in theirs, which should interest you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Listening deeply serves two purposes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Getting the other person to reveal information about themselves (such as their insecurities) that you can later use to influence them<\/li><li>Making them feel good about themselves so they like you and want to continue interacting with you<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019re listening deeply, encourage the other person to talk by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Steering the conversation towards topics they\u2019re interested in. Look for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nonverbal-cues\/\">nonverbal cues<\/a> to find out what these topics are\u2014if someone gets more animated when a subject comes up, they\u2019re probably interested in it.<\/li><li>Discussing topics that almost everyone is interested in\u2014family, childhood, causes, and work.<\/li><li>Repeating something they\u2019ve mentioned back to them. Rephrase and personalize it to your point of view.<\/li><li>Nodding and making eye contact as they chat<\/li><li>Carefully regulating your questions. The other person will close up if they feel like they\u2019re being interrogated.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Strategy #2: Manage Insecurities<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>By listening deeply, you\u2019ll have learned what people\u2019s insecurities are and it&#8217;s one step toward making people like you. To soothe them:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Be positive when people ask for your opinion. Everyone wants to hear positive comments.<\/li><li>Don\u2019t trigger any insecurities. Be careful of both verbal and nonverbal triggers.<\/li><li>Don\u2019t immediately ask for anything. Interact with and flatter people during a few interactions before making a request.<\/li><li>Flatter the qualities and insecurities people are uncertain about. If people don\u2019t already have an idea of their value in something, this is where they need reassurance.<\/li><li>Get other people to pass along your flattery. This makes it seem like you genuinely believe what you said, because you didn\u2019t expect it to make it to the original person.<\/li><li>Flatter people for things you actually like about them. Be subtle, natural, and sincere. Don\u2019t use absolutes or go over the top with praise.&nbsp;<\/li><li>Flatter people for effort and things they\u2019ve earned. (Don\u2019t flatter people for talent\u2014people don\u2019t earn talent, they\u2019re born with it, so praising someone for something they haven\u2019t earned can feel belittling.)<\/li><li>Occasionally give mild criticism along with your praise, which will make the praise feel more genuine.<ul><li>For example, you might tell someone you like their painting, but one corner could use a bit of improvement.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>Don\u2019t flatter people with low self-opinion. It will seem like you\u2019re lying.<\/li><li>Don\u2019t flatter people for things they know they\u2019re bad at. It\u2019ll be clear you\u2019re lying.&nbsp;<ul><li>For example, if someone is objectively bad at soccer, don\u2019t try to tell them they\u2019re good at soccer.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>Don\u2019t flatter your superiors\u2014just agree with them. Flattering people above you is too heavy-handed.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>If you do flattery right, making people like you is easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Strategy #3: Use Empathy to Set the Mood<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>As we learned in the empathy section, people\u2019s moods are contagious. Go into interactions relaxed and expecting to enjoy yourself, which will influence the other person to feel the same way. There are two ideal moods to project:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Indulgence<\/strong>\u2014be nonjudgmental and empathetic.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Rapport<\/strong>\u2014create a warm feeling by making others laugh or sharing stories.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>You can also create mood by touching people, which makes people like you even if they don\u2019t know why. Touch only arms or hands and don\u2019t make eye contact at the same time, or the contact will feel sexual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, since expectations are expressed nonverbally, <strong>you can try thinking of a person as you want them to be.<\/strong> For example, imagine people as generous if you want something from them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Strategy #4: Validate the Global Self-Image Qualities<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>As we learned at the beginning of Part 1, everyone likes to believe they\u2019re autonomous, intelligent, and good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To validate the autonomy element of self-image, create the impression that people are choosing to do whatever it is you want. There are three ways to do this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #1: Frame the action as desirable<\/strong> by making it seem rare or enjoyable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, in the novel <em>Tom Sawyer<\/em>, Tom gets in trouble for fighting, and his aunt makes him whitewash a fence as punishment. When his friend Ben comes by, Tom pretends to be interested in the fence by making his <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a> attentive. He tells Ben that the job only needs to be done every few years and is important\u2014the fence is right in front of the house and all the neighbors see it, so it has to look good. Ben wants to try and Tom refuses, making the job feel more desirable, and he only gives Ben the brush in exchange for an apple.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #2: Leverage people\u2019s competitiveness. <\/strong>Many people can\u2019t stand to be beaten or to see someone else do something they could do better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, director Billy Wilder wanted Marlene Dietrich to star in his film <em>A Foreign Affair<\/em>, but she refused because the film had to do with the Nazis. The two were friends and Wilder told Dietrich he\u2019d found two other actresses and wanted her opinion. Both were talented actresses but inappropriate for the role, and Dietrich hated their performances so much she volunteered to take the role herself.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #3: Give small gifts.<\/strong> Small gifts make people feel deserving. Large gifts look like bribery, and even if someone is desperate for the gift, they\u2019ll still feel suspicious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To validate people\u2019s intelligence, tread carefully when you have opposing ideas:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Don\u2019t disagree with the other person. This makes it seem like you think you know better, which will just make the other person defensive and stubborn.<\/li><li>Or, disagree but let the other person change your mind. This will make them feel both smart and influential.<\/li><li>Present your idea as something you\u2019re just thinking about\u2014you don\u2019t have an opinion on it yet.<\/li><li>Ask someone for advice.<\/li><li>Agree with the other person\u2019s point of view.<\/li><li>Let others win trivial battles, which will give you leverage in larger battles. For example, when Pierre-Augustin Caron De Beaumarchais finished <em>The Marriage of Figaro<\/em>, the French king had to approve the manuscript before it was performed. The king didn\u2019t approve and tried to censor it. Beaumarchais put together a group of well-respected politicians and academics to help him edit the manuscript, and he promised to implement all their suggestions. This group only suggested adding small jokes or costume changes, and Beaumarchais did include them. This flattered the group, so when the censors asked for larger changes, the group defended him.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>To validate people\u2019s opinion of their own goodness:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Frame your request as part of a cause.<ul><li>For example, if you own a local business, suggest that buying from you not only gives people possessions but also helps the community.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>Let other people spread the word about what you want.<ul><li>For example, if you have an open position and want candidates, let the opening spread through <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/word-of-mouth-marketing-strategy\/\">word of mouth<\/a>, which will make it seem popular and social.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><li>Use language carefully. Use words like \u201cteam member\u201d instead of \u201cstaffer.\u201d<\/li><li>Make a mistake in front of someone. This will make them feel superior, especially if you ask them to forgive you.<\/li><li>Bring up nice things they\u2019ve done previously. This will remind them that they\u2019re good people. (Don\u2019t bring up things that <em>you\u2019ve <\/em>helped them with previously. This reminds them that they once depended on you, and people prefer to feel independent.)<\/li><li>Show that you have a high opinion of them. This will make them feel like they have to meet this opinion.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Strategy #5: Redirect Resistance<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people won\u2019t respond to any of the strategies above, particularly if they have a low self-opinion. These people are often rebellious and won\u2019t take advice from anyone, even if they asked for help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To redirect their resistance:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #1: Push strong emotions in new directions. <\/strong>Strong resistance to something can transform into strong motivation for something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, when a teenager was caught dealing drugs, he was suspended from school but still had to do his work at home. His mother, on the advice of a therapist, told her son that the principal was trying to sabotage him\u2014the principal believed that in-class learning was the only way to succeed, and the principal was trying to make the son fail. She recommended her son not work too hard, because if he proved the principal wrong, the principal would be embarrassed. The boy was so angry at the principal that he was determined to embarrass him and worked hard at his homework, which was exactly what his mother wanted.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #2: Quote them.<\/strong> This makes them feel like they\u2019re doing what they want to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, one of therapist Milton Erickson\u2019s patients was a husband who wanted a \u201cfriendly divorce\u201d from his wife. Erickson didn\u2019t think he actually wanted a divorce\u2014he thought the husband and wife weren\u2019t connecting because they were both insecure about sex\u2014but agreed with the husband that divorce was the correct course of action. Erickson recommended that the man take some of the following steps to start the divorce process: Have a last \u201cfriendly\u201d kiss, a last \u201cfriendly\u201d glass of champagne, and so on. The couple ultimately stayed together.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #3: Let them maintain their stubbornness.<\/strong> When people oppose something, they\u2019re often motivated by fear of losing control. Provide a way for them to make a change but maintain control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>For example, a pawnbroker\u2019s son wanted his father to practice Buddhism. His father thought religion was a waste of time and always claimed to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/always-busy\/\">too busy<\/a> with his business to pray. When the son asked Zen master Hakuin for help, Hakuin offered to pay the pawnbroker for every prayer he said. This was fine with the pawnbroker because he didn\u2019t have to change his opinions about Buddhism\u2014praying was just a way to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/make-more-money\/\">make more money<\/a>. After a couple of weeks, though, the pawnbroker realized he enjoyed praying and stopped accepting payment.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Option #4: Agree with them.<\/strong> If people\u2019s main opposition to doing what you want is that they want to be rebellious, if you tell them to carry on, they\u2019re doing what you want. They have to do something different to oppose you, usually the thing you wanted all along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>(Shortform example: A mother wanted her daughter to stop staying out late, so she told her daughter not to be home before 10. If the daughter stayed out, she would be obeying her mother, so she came home early instead.)<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you know the best strategies for making people like you, you can put them to work and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/5-ways-to-love\/\">build strong relationships<\/a>. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How does making people like you work? Are there certain techniques or strategies to get people to like you? Making people like you isn&#8217;t as difficult as it sounds. There are a few clear strategies that can ensure people like you and have a positive impression of you. Read to find out the best strategies for making people like you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":423,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[167],"class_list":["post-20584","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-the-laws-of-human-nature","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Making People Like You: 5 Easy Strategies to Use - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is making people like you difficult? There are several strategies that can help you learn how to get people to like you. Read more.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Making People Like You: 5 Easy Strategies to Use\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Is making people like you difficult? There are several strategies that can help you learn how to get people to like you. Read more.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-12-05T13:05:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-12-19T21:38:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/fourtendencies-all.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"738\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"381\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Carrie Cabral\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Carrie Cabral\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Carrie Cabral\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/2ababb7c63a94ff5d2190f71dc417d56\"},\"headline\":\"Making People Like You: 5 Easy Strategies to Use\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-12-05T13:05:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-12-19T21:38:24+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/\"},\"wordCount\":2141,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/fourtendencies-all.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"The Laws of Human Nature\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/\",\"name\":\"Making People Like You: 5 Easy Strategies to Use - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/making-people-like-you\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/fourtendencies-all.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-12-05T13:05:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-12-19T21:38:24+00:00\",\"description\":\"Is making people like you difficult? 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