{"id":16137,"date":"2020-10-06T15:18:00","date_gmt":"2020-10-06T19:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=16137"},"modified":"2020-10-21T09:20:57","modified_gmt":"2020-10-21T13:20:57","slug":"step-9-of-aa-how-to-make-amends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/step-9-of-aa-how-to-make-amends\/","title":{"rendered":"Step 9 of AA: How to Make Amends"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What happens in Step 8 and Step 9 of AA? What does AA say about the process for making amends?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Step 9 of AA is how to make amends. After making a list of people you&#8217;ve hurt, you make amends to them in Step 9 of AA.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to learn more about Step 9 of AA, how to make amends, and the purpose of these parts of the AA program.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">AA: How to Make Amends<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Step 8 and Step 9 of AA are about repairing your misdoings from the past. <strong>Where you had previously harmed others, you must now be willing to apologize for that harm and relieve your guilt.&nbsp;<\/strong>In Step 8, you make a list of all people you\u2019ve harmed and become willing to make amends. You don\u2019t need to make amends yet\u2014you just need to be prepared to do so.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWe made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After you make your list in Step 8, your goal is to correct your mistake directly with the people you hurt in Step 9 of AA. An amendment isn\u2019t just an apology\u2014it\u2019s an act to solve a problem from the past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-big-book\/\">The Big Book<\/a> gives these recommendations for how to make amends:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Approach with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. Say that you\u2019ll never get over drinking until you\u2019ve straightened out the past completely. You have now changed as a human being.<\/li><li>Don\u2019t approach and say you\u2019ve gone religious. You risk being branded a religious fanatic and not being taken seriously. Use your behavior in the moment to convince them that you\u2019re changing.<\/li><li>Do not criticize or argue with them. You\u2019re not there to discuss the other person\u2019s faults. Stick to your own.<\/li><li>Most often, by hearing your vulnerability, the person admits his own fault in this situation. This can melt away years of resentment for both of you.<\/li><li>Don\u2019t be servile or begging. \u201cAs God\u2019s people we stand on our feet; we don\u2019t crawl before anyone.\u201d<\/li><li>If your past misdeeds involved other people, secure their consent to being part of your making amends. For instance, if you\u2019ve committed adultery, get consent from the person you were involved with.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Leave almost no one out of your amends in Step 9 of AA.<\/strong> If you have any fear of your past or guilt over past actions, that may drive you back to the bottle. If you fear the outcome of your approach, leave it in your higher power\u2019s hands\u2014after all, if you don\u2019t make amends, all is lost anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>More people are more forgiving than you think. Even people you owe money too may understand.<\/li><li>At times, admitting something to someone might get you in jail (such as not paying alimony to your spouse). In this case, try to ask for forgiveness and show you\u2019ve changed as a person, so you won\u2019t be sent to jail.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are the few exceptions to consider in making amends during Step 9 of AA:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>If you\u2019re <em>certain<\/em> you\u2019d go to jail, consider that you\u2019d be doing no one any good by being in jail. Consider another way of making amends.<\/li><li>If you have to confess to adultery, don\u2019t involve the other person by revealing the identity to the person you\u2019re making amends with.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>There are some wrongs you can never fully right. Don\u2019t worry about them if you can honestly say to yourself that you could right them if you could.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Ongoing Amends in Step 9 of AA<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Recovery is an ongoing process, not a one-time step. Step 9 of AA won&#8217;t fix it forever. Old habits die hard, and at times you\u2019ll slip into your old behavior. If you allow resentment to build up, they\u2019ll balloon into major problems, and you\u2019ll experience a setback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>From now on, if you make a mistake, promptly admit it and make amends.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue to watch yourself for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. If they come up, ask your higher power at once to remove them. Discuss them with someone immediately, and make amends quickly. Then turn your thoughts to someone you can help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What happens in Step 8 and Step 9 of AA? What does AA say about the process for making amends? Step 9 of AA is how to make amends. After making a list of people you&#8217;ve hurt, you make amends to them in Step 9 of AA. Read on to learn more about Step 9 of AA, how to make amends, and the purpose of these parts of the AA program.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":14299,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,12,43],"tags":[137],"class_list":["post-16137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-alcoholics-anonymous-the-big-book","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Step 9 of AA: How to Make Amends - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even outsiders know AA involves making amends. This happens during Step 9 of AA. 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