Do you struggle to stay disciplined in work and life? Should you be focusing more on short-term or long-term values? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the book How to Do Things You Hate<\/a><\/em>, Peter Hollins explains that avoiding doing the things you don’t want to do creates a spiral that makes everything worse. Instead, he teaches you how to strengthen your self-discipline so you can find the motivation to get things done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Continue reading for an overview of Hollins’ book, complete with exercises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n Want to escape the cycle of struggling through work, watching your to-do list<\/a> endlessly expand, and doubting you\u2019ll ever succeed? It\u2019s easier to do than you might think\u2014and in How to Do Things You Hate<\/em>,<\/a> Peter Hollins explains that self-discipline is hard but simple: You just need to stop avoiding discomfort<\/strong>. By instead facing it, you can master your mind, stop avoiding what you know you need to do, and begin taking consistent, disciplined action that serves your highest values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins is an author and a self-described \u201cstudent of the human condition\u201d who\u2019s written numerous books<\/a> on learning, self-mastery<\/a>, peak performance, and more. He can be found on his website<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ve reorganized the book\u2019s ideas into three parts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ll look in this section at Hollins\u2019s core insight about doing the hard things: Namely, that when you need to do something hard, avoiding it due to discomfort only delays and worsens the difficulty. <\/strong>We\u2019ll explore this way of avoiding discomfort and the downward spiral it creates, as well as how it manifests in each of us differently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Hollins, we too often avoid doing hard things because we\u2019re unwilling to face the discomfort involved. <\/strong>We\u2019ll call this discomfort avoidance<\/em>. It\u2019s when you go out of your way to avoid experiencing unpleasant thoughts and feelings, which are often associated with some hard thing you have to do. You tend to rationalize this behavior by convincing yourself you need to be in the right mood to do the hard thing. You also think you\u2019ll feel more up to the task in the near future (you won\u2019t, Hollins says\u2014this is a fallacy). <\/p>\n\n\n\n The problem is that when you need to get something done, avoiding it doesn\u2019t make it go away\u2014it just worsens the bad feelings associated with what you\u2019re putting off. It also wastes your time. For instance, say you have an important document to prepare for an approaching deadline, but you don\u2019t feel like getting started. You tell yourself you\u2019ll get to it later and check your phone instead, then before you know it an hour has passed and you\u2019ve started feeling guilty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve started feeling worse and wasting time, you\u2019re even more likely to keep avoiding that hard thing. Hollins writes that this kicks off a downward spiral that only delays the work <\/strong>(because you can\u2019t put it off forever) and worsens the discomfort associated with it<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Continuing the earlier example: Once you\u2019ve begun feeling guilty for checking your phone instead of doing your work, you feel even less in the mood to start. You tell yourself it can wait\u2014you have a few days left\u2014and fiddle away with less important admin tasks. But you feel the work hanging over your head, and your anxiety about it grows. By the end of the day, you\u2019re beating yourself up about wasting time, and when tomorrow comes around, you just think you\u2019ll be in a better mood to start later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Hollins, you\u2019ll never be in the right mood later.<\/strong> The only thing to do is to get started right now, in the present moment, by facing your discomfort. We\u2019ll explain how later in the guide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While we all avoid discomfort,<\/strong> Hollins points out that each of us does it a little differently<\/strong>. The specific kind of discomfort that triggers you to start avoiding something hard, and the particular series of behaviors you spiral through, will be unique to you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins describes four triggers that can start an avoidance spiral. Each trigger can spiral into feelings like anxiety, shame, or guilt, and behaviors like ignoring the task, busying yourself elsewhere, or entertaining yourself instead of working. As you read through them, notice which ones feel familiar\u2014most of us recognize ourselves in more than one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So far, we\u2019ve seen how avoiding hard things creates a downward spiral that delays and worsens the discomfort associated with the work you need to do. In this section, we\u2019ll explore the solution to this problem: embracing discomfort<\/strong>. According to Hollins, this involves changing how you view discomfort and learning to move directly into it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins says that the difference between disciplined and undisciplined people isn\u2019t what they do, but how they think. In other words, mindset makes more of a difference than method<\/strong>. To that end, he recommends that you shift your mindset<\/a> to incorporate the following three views.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Recognize that discomfort is the source of all growth\u2014you can\u2019t grow without pushing at your edges. Meanwhile, comfort tends to make us stagnate. The more comfortable you get, the less you can tolerate the discomfort that accompanies hard efforts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For these reasons, discomfort is something to embrace<\/em>, not avoid. Hollins recommends that you actively seek out discomfort, saying that this will help you build resilience<\/a> and resourcefulness. He recommends undertaking a misogi<\/em> (a Japanese tradition of going on challenging expeditions in the natural world).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins explains that to get anywhere in life, you have to regularly act in alignment with clear, consistent values. If you too often put temporary, immediate comforts over discomforting effort that serves your values, you\u2019ll never succeed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins recommends clarifying your values<\/a> by doing the tombstone exercise: Ask yourself what you would want to see written in your obituary or on your tombstone. Then, when things get hard, remind yourself that upholding your values by facing discomfort is more important than comforting yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Hollins, we all have the ability to consciously override our knee-jerk reactions, ride out our emotions, and act more intentionally. Realizing this will help you responsibly face discomfort rather than reactively avoid it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins explains that in the brain, the neurochemicals that produce emotions break down after 90 seconds. This means that if you\u2019re still feeling those emotions, you\u2019re refreshing them by thinking thoughts associated with them (such as by ruminating on how angry you feel). So when you feel caught up in some emotion, like discomfort, remind yourself: It\u2019s better to ride this out than react unthinkingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now that we\u2019ve seen how to adopt a mindset<\/em> that embraces discomfort, let\u2019s look at Hollins\u2019s method<\/em>. In this section, we\u2019ll cover how to move into and through your discomfort using a mindfulness-based awareness practice and simple action steps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins writes that by bringing awareness to discomfort, you\u2019ll learn that you can actually feel it without being controlled by it<\/strong>. In turn, you\u2019ll realize that your tolerance for discomfort is higher than you believe, and that you can push at your edges without giving up or falling apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins discusses a few distinct frameworks for awareness practice; we\u2019ve distilled them into the below method that preserves the essentials without redundancy. Before beginning, he recommends that you first forgive yourself<\/a> for spiraling in the first place<\/strong>. Realize that everyone messes up, everyone gets stressed, and everyone has a hard time with hard work. You can and will get through it, but being overly critical of yourself won\u2019t help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After forgiving yourself, follow these four steps: <\/p>\n\n\n\n Practicing this method, Hollins says, creates a state of inner calm. From there, you can better respond<\/em> (such as by doing the work<\/a> even though you don\u2019t want to) rather than simply reacting<\/em> unthinkingly. Then all you need to do is start, taking one small step\u2014like opening your word processor\u2014to get the ball rolling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Up to this point, we\u2019ve covered the main problem that prevents us from being more disciplined (avoiding discomfort) and Hollins\u2019s solution for it (working with discomfort). But once you get moving with his main advice, you\u2019ll need a way to keep up your efforts for the long run<\/strong>. We\u2019ll look next to his recommendations for stabilizing<\/em> and sustaining<\/em> your newfound discipline by sharpening your focus and using smart productivity strategies<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s all well and good to confront discomfort once or twice, but how do you keep it up over time? Hollins says that to stay disciplined, you need both focused attention and focused commitments. <\/strong>That is, you have to train your mind to concentrate clearly, steadily, and on command; and you have to set your life up to support focused action that serves your values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To develop your powers of concentration<\/strong>, take up focus-based awareness training<\/strong>. This involves learning to train your attention<\/a> on a single point of reference, like your breath. Hollins says this will sharpen your mental acuity, giving you greater control over your mind and, therefore, your actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can do this by sitting at rest in a regular chair, bringing your awareness gently to your breath, and practicing maintaining your attention there. You will mess up, early and often. That\u2019s OK\u2014reframe loss of focus as a cue to gently bring your attention back to your breath, and consider that one \u201crep\u201d of practice (training your attention to focus is like training muscles at the gym).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hollins adds that beyond directly training your mind to focus<\/a>,you have to take care of your body<\/a>, too.<\/strong> Since the mind emerges from the body (he writes that it\u2019s generated by the brain), a well-cared for body will produce a healthy mind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Care for your body by eating well, getting regular doses of good stress<\/a> (stress that pushes but doesn\u2019t blow through your limits, like moderate exercise), and getting plenty of good sleep. All of these contribute to healthy maintenance of your energy, motivation, and mental sharpness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A focused mind will take you far\u2014but you also need to focus your efforts<\/a>, according to Hollins. He writes that all highly successful people know they have limited daily energy, so they focus obsessively on the few things that matter most to them<\/strong>. Concentrating their energy like a laser into just one or two efforts, they get more done. In contrast, unsuccessful people scatter their energy around like a weak flashlight, wasting it on unnecessary distractions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To focus your energy like a laser, let go of everything but your most cherished aspirations. <\/strong>Hollins recommends that you do this by taking stock of what you want to achieve in your life. Write down 25 items, then eliminate all but five. Put the other 20 on an \u201cavoid at all costs\u201d list and don\u2019t do them. For instance, you might want to found a startup, travel the world, marry a good partner, get fit, and learn to surf. You might also want to eat your way through NYC, raise puppies, bike across Asia, plant a garden, and more\u2014but you drop these to focus on the five that matter most to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ve seen how to focus your mind and your efforts; now, let\u2019s look at how to sustain your discipline for the long haul.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Hollins, the key to lasting discipline lies in learning how to persevere through the inevitable trials and travails of life<\/strong>. Self-discipline isn\u2019t a box you can check off a to-do list\u2014it\u2019s a lifelong effort. You\u2019ll never always feel perfectly competent, perfectly motivated, or perfectly inspired. Life will get unexpectedly hard at times, and your drive will fluctuate. This is all normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\nOverview of How to Do Things You Hate<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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The Problem: Avoiding Discomfort<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Avoiding Your Experience<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Avoidance Spirals Downward<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Recognize Your Unique Spiral<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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The Solution: Embracing Discomfort<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Change How You View Discomfort<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
View #1: Discomfort Is Your Ally, Not Your Enemy<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
View #2: Long-term Values Matter More Than Short-term Comforts <\/h5>\n\n\n\n
View #3: Responsibility Trumps Reactivity<\/strong> <\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Bring Awareness to Your Discomfort<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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Staying Disciplined for Good<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Stabilizing Your Discipline<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Focus Your Attention<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Focus Your Efforts<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Sustaining Your Discipline<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n