{"id":144042,"date":"2025-05-13T11:10:13","date_gmt":"2025-05-13T15:10:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=144042"},"modified":"2026-04-23T14:24:01","modified_gmt":"2026-04-23T18:24:01","slug":"how-to-use-the-let-them-theory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you know what the Let Them Theory is<\/a>? How can you apply the theory in all areas of your life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having a deep need to control is an exercise in futility that only makes us frustrated and anxious and sets us up for conflict with the people in our lives. Mel Robbins contends that we need to shift our mindsets so we can stop wasting energy trying to control other people by using the Let Them Theory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To learn how to use the Let Them Theory, read below for the two-step process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How Can You Use the Let Them Theory?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Robbins contends that the Let Them Theory can be applied to all areas of your life, from work to friendships to romantic relationships. At its core, learning how to use the Let Them Theory is a two-step process<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Recognize and acknowledge situations or behaviors that are outside your control.<\/strong> In these moments, when you notice you\u2019re reacting negatively to someone\u2019s choices, consciously say \u201cLet Them\u201d to yourself, signaling your detachment from judging them and letting go of your need to change, control, or criticize them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Shift your focus to what you can control<\/a>: your thoughts, actions, and responses.<\/strong> Reflect on how you want to think, act, and speak, and how you can align your next steps with your core values<\/a>. Say \u201cLet Me\u201d and take a deep breath, resetting your body\u2019s stress response, and reclaim your responsibility to act positively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sailing Against the Wind<\/strong>

The Let Them Theory has a parallel in sailing, an activity where success depends entirely on working with forces you cannot control. Sailors understand a fundamental truth: You cannot sail directly against the wind. Attempting to do so leaves you stalled and frustrated, just as trying to change other people\u2019s behaviors leaves you drained and ineffective. Instead, skilled sailors use a technique called \u201ctacking,\u201d<\/a> where they zigzag at strategic angles to the wind, making forward progress through indirect routes.

This strategy perfectly illustrates Robbins\u2019s approach to navigating the headwinds of your relationships with other people. When sailors encounter a headwind, they first assess its direction and strength, similar to Robbins\u2019s \u201cLet Them\u201d step, where you acknowledge reality as it exists. Then, rather than fighting the wind directly, sailors adjust their sails and direction to harness that same force to move forward\u2014just as the \u201cLet Me\u201d step redirects your energy toward productive action within your control.

The physics behind this approach is revealing: A sail works by creating pressure differences<\/a> that generate forward movement, but only when properly positioned relative to the wind. Similarly, our efforts in life generate momentum only when we stop fighting unchangeable realities and instead position ourselves strategically in relation to them. Skilled sailors don\u2019t waste energy cursing the wind\u2019s direction. They simply adjust their course and sails. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Robbins explains that you can use the Let Them Theory to manage the stress of your everyday life <\/strong>more productively. When you\u2019re feeling annoyed and stressed by your friends\u2019 constantly changing plans, your colleague\u2019s difficulty meeting a deadline, the crowd at the grocery store, or the person having a loud conversation on the train, that\u2019s the perfect time to say, \u201cLet Them.\u201d Robbins writes that these stressors automatically activate your brain\u2019s stress response  but by stopping and thinking \u201cLet Them,\u201d you can reset this response to signal to your brain that whatever\u2019s happening isn\u2019t worth getting stressed over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This method helps you take control of how you spend your time<\/a> and energy<\/strong>. When you remind yourself to let other people manage their actions, you stop yourself from letting their behavior amp up your stress levels and bring down your mood. Then, when you refocus on what you\u2019re going to say or do in the situation, you signal to your brain that you can\u2019t control the situation you\u2019re feeling stressed about\u2014but you can control how you respond.  As for figuring out how<\/em> to respond, Robbins recommends considering whether the incident will bother you in an hour, or a week, or a year: If it won\u2019t, then you might not have to do anything. But if it\u2019s really going to bother you, then it\u2019s worth putting in the time and effort to change it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Interrupt the Stress Response<\/strong>

When Robbins suggests saying \u201cLet Them\u201d to reset your stress response<\/a>, she\u2019s tapping into something neuroscientists have been studying for decades: our ability to interrupt the body\u2019s automatic stress cascade. Stress triggers a rapid sequence of events in your brain<\/a>: Your amygdala (a brain region<\/a> involved in emotional processing) perceives a threat and signals the hypothalamus, which works like a command center and activates your sympathetic nervous system. This releases adrenaline and eventually cortisol into your bloodstream. This \u201cfight-or-flight\u201d response evolved to help you survive physical dangers. But it gets activated by everyday frustrations too, like that person talking loudly on their phone in public.

The \u201cLet Them\u201d technique works by engaging your prefrontal cortex<\/a>, the rational part of your brain responsible for higher-order thinking. When you consciously say \u201cLet Them,\u201d you\u2019re activating this region, which can interrupt the amygdala\u2019s emotional alarm system. This mental shift helps your parasympathetic nervous system (the \u201cbrake\u201d to your stress response) engage more quickly. Researchers describe getting \u201cstuck\u201d in the fight-or-flight response<\/a> as failing to complete the stress cycle. When you use Robbins\u2019s method to accept what you can\u2019t control and refocus on your own response, you\u2019re actually helping your brain complete this cycle by transitioning from stress activation to relief.

This also explains why Robbins finds that saying \u201cLet Them\u201d and \u201cLet Me\u201d helps people to conserve mental energy<\/a>. Instead of maintaining the physiologically expensive stress response (which both drains cognitive resources and depletes physical energy), you\u2019re allowing your body to return to baseline functioning sooner. This also has the effect of keeping your prefrontal cortex<\/a> online for more important tasks.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Ahead, we\u2019ll consider how applying the Let Them theory can help you improve your relationships with others<\/a> and even with yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take Control of Your Relationships<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Saying \u201cLet Them\u201d and \u201cLet Me\u201d gives you a way to take responsibility<\/a> for your relationships<\/strong>. Other people\u2019s words and actions can send us on an emotional rollercoaster: When we internalize the negative things they say and do, we often feel inferior. For example, if your colleague walks into the office one morning and immediately snaps at you, you\u2019d likely feel you must have done something wrong that justifies their rudeness. But they might just be in a bad mood because their shoelace broke or they missed their train\u2014circumstances that don\u2019t involve you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conversely, as we discussed earlier, it can make you feel superior to just think \u201clet them\u201d and dismiss your colleague\u2019s behavior\u2014thinking you\u2019re the bigger person who\u2019s above such pettiness or judging them for being rude. But that wouldn\u2019t be a productive way forward, as it still involves judgment rather than true acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robbins explains that you\u2019re responsible for building the relationships you want with other people<\/strong>. In the situation with your grumpy colleague, that means that you wouldn\u2019t respond to their rudeness in kind, but instead look at them with empathy and figure out how you can make their day better. Robbins notes that if you say \u201cLet Them\u201d without following it up with \u201cLet Me,\u201d then you can end up feeling isolated from others. It\u2019s by saying \u201cLet Me\u201d that you exercise your agency to be the person you want to be\u2014for example, the kind of coworker who speaks to your colleagues with the consideration they deserve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same principle applies to friendships, too: Robbins explains you have to create the community you desire by adapting to the evolution of your friendships over time.<\/strong> When friends move away, prioritize new connections, or have less time for you, you need to say \u201cLet Them\u201d instead of clinging tightly or feeling hurt. At the same time, use \u201cLet Me\u201d to consider what matters most in adult friendships: proximity, timing, and energy. Proximity<\/em> refers to physical closeness, which creates opportunities for interaction. Timing<\/em> involves being at similar life stages<\/a>. Energy<\/em> is the effort you put in nurturing the friendship. If these are lacking, you can take action to realign yourself with a friend who seems distant\u2014or make new connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robbins notes that you can take the same approach to romantic relationships as well. When you\u2019re dating someone, you have to \u201cLet Them\u201d show you who they really are<\/strong>, what they want in life, and whether you\u2019re a priority to them. If they\u2019re not the kind of person you want to be with, then you can let the relationship go to make space for someone else who can offer the love, commitment, and compatibility you deserve. No relationship is perfect, and every relationship hits rough patches. But if you agree on your values and support each other\u2019s dreams, are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work, and can accept each other as you are, then you can love them for who they are rather than for who you wish they could be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop Being Stressed Out by Other People\u2019s Opinions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The Let Them Theory also works when it\u2019s what other people think and say\u2014rather than what they do\u2014that stresses you out<\/strong>. Inevitably, people will have and express negative opinions about you. But if you let their opinions influence your decisions<\/a>, then you give up control over what you do with your life. Robbins points out that just as we can\u2019t change what thoughts pop into our own heads, it\u2019s impossible to control what other people think. She recommends expecting<\/em> that other people will think negative thoughts about you\u2014and resolving to follow your own path<\/a> anyway. Instead of letting your fear of other people\u2019s negative opinions constrain you, you can make decisions you\u2019re proud of and live according to your own values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Navigating other people\u2019s opinions can be especially difficult when those other people are your family since they\u2019re with you for the long haul<\/strong>. Robbins explains that it\u2019s important to think about why someone might have the opinion they do of you or your choices. That way, you can see things from their point of view\u2014not so you can change their mind. (You probably won\u2019t.) Rather, it\u2019s so you can respect their perspectives, which were formed by their life experiences, and accept them as their imperfect (and perhaps judgmental) selves. This serves to deepen your relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let Go of Your Fear of Other People\u2019s Emotional Reactions<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In the same way that managing other people\u2019s negative opinions isn\u2019t your responsibility, it\u2019s also not your responsibility to manage other people\u2019s emotional reactions<\/strong>. When you make decisions to avoid disappointing someone, to keep someone from getting angry at you, or because you know they\u2019ll make you feel guilty if you don\u2019t, you\u2019re letting other people\u2019s emotions dictate your decisions. Robbins explains that it\u2019s hard but necessary to set boundaries<\/a> and \u201cLet Them\u201d react. In doing so, you give people space to feel their emotions, and you release yourself from feeling like you have to manage or fix those emotions for them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She explains that most people have the emotional maturity<\/a> of an eight-year-old<\/strong>: They\u2019ve never learned to process their emotions and communicate their needs in a healthy way because many parents inadvertently teach their children to suppress their emotions instead of finding a healthy way to express them. But Robbins explains that when an adult wants to act like an eight-year-old, you should just \u201cLet Them.\u201d Then, when you remind yourself to \u201cLet Me\u201d decide how to respond, you realize that their emotions aren\u2019t yours to manage and it\u2019s up to you to choose how much time and energy you want to give them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robbins points out that sometimes, we\u2019re<\/em> the ones who are being emotionally immature<\/strong>. The Let Them Theory not only helps you feel more compassionate with people who have trouble managing their emotional reactions, but can also help you be more compassionate with yourself and your emotions. When you notice yourself getting angry or feeling frustrated, you can use \u201cLet Them\u201d to tell yourself to let those emotions wash over you. Then, you can use \u201cLet Me\u201d to remind yourself that you don\u2019t have to react to the emotions you feel. You can\u2019t control how you feel, but you can control what you say and do. You shouldn\u2019t let your emotions dictate your decisions any more than you should let other people\u2019s emotions determine what you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stop Pressuring Other People to Change<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever tried to push somebody else to change, then you know it almost never works. Instead, you have to create an environment of acceptance and love to enable people to make changes in their own time<\/strong>. We all have a fundamental need for autonomy and control over our lives, and we naturally resist attempts by others to force change because these attempts threaten this core need. However, when we feel fully accepted and loved unconditionally, we\u2019re free to look inward and find our own motivation to grow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Robbins recommends several steps to create this supportive environment<\/strong>: Practice radical acceptance of others without judgment, express unconditional love while separating who they are from behaviors you dislike, be patient as change happens naturally, celebrate positive steps, and provide resources only when asked. By modeling the positive changes you\u2019d like to see rather than criticizing or controlling, you allow them space to decide for themselves that they want to change. The goal isn\u2019t to enable self-destructive behavior but to provide the emotional safety<\/a> that makes meaningful change possible. Paradoxically, when people feel truly accepted as they are, they become more willing and able to transform themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Build a Healthier Relationship With Yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Finally, Robbins explains that you can use the Let Them Theory to improve the relationship you have with yourself<\/strong>. She notes that you are the only person that you\u2019re guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with, and you owe it to yourself to make your happiness and dreams a priority. When you let other people do what they want to do (and resolve to not allow them to determine what you do), you decide to build the life you want without worrying about other people\u2019s approval or validation. Robbins notes you can use \u201cLet Them\u201d and \u201cLet Me\u201d to give yourself the power to become your own source of happiness, to define what\u2019s important to you, and to take control of how you work to turn your reality into the life you want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you know what the Let Them Theory is? How can you apply the theory in all areas of your life? Having a deep need to control is an exercise in futility that only makes us frustrated and anxious and sets us up for conflict with the people in our lives. Mel Robbins contends that we need to shift our mindsets so we can stop wasting energy trying to control other people by using the Let Them Theory. To learn how to use the Let Them Theory, read below for the two-step process.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":144486,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,43],"tags":[1780],"class_list":["post-144042","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-the-let-them-theory","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The Let Them Theory lets you focus on what you can control: yourself and your own responses. Learn how to use the Let Them Theory here.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The Let Them Theory lets you focus on what you can control: yourself and your own responses. Learn how to use the Let Them Theory here.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-05-13T15:10:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-04-23T18:24:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1456\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"816\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\"},\"headline\":\"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-05-13T15:10:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-23T18:24:01+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\"},\"wordCount\":2518,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp\",\"keywords\":[\"The Let Them Theory\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\",\"name\":\"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-05-13T15:10:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-23T18:24:01+00:00\",\"description\":\"The Let Them Theory lets you focus on what you can control: yourself and your own responses. Learn how to use the Let Them Theory here.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp\",\"width\":1456,\"height\":816,\"caption\":\"A person walking away using the Let Them Theory against a pink background\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"description\":\"The World's Best Book Summaries\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"width\":500,\"height\":74,\"caption\":\"Shortform Books\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\",\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Katie Doll\"},\"description\":\"Somehow, Katie was able to pull off her childhood dream of creating a career around books after graduating with a degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. Her preferred genre of books has changed drastically over the years, from fantasy\/dystopian young-adult to moving novels and non-fiction books on the human experience. Katie especially enjoys reading and writing about all things television, good and bad.\",\"knowsAbout\":[\"Bachelor of Arts in English With a Concentration in Creative Writing\"],\"jobTitle\":\"Senior SEO Writer\",\"worksFor\":\"Shortform\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/katie\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process - Shortform Books","description":"The Let Them Theory lets you focus on what you can control: yourself and your own responses. Learn how to use the Let Them Theory here.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process","og_description":"The Let Them Theory lets you focus on what you can control: yourself and your own responses. Learn how to use the Let Them Theory here.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/","og_site_name":"Shortform Books","article_published_time":"2025-05-13T15:10:13+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-04-23T18:24:01+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1456,"height":816,"url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp","type":"image\/webp"}],"author":"Katie Doll","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Katie Doll","Est. reading time":"11 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/"},"author":{"name":"Katie Doll","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937"},"headline":"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process","datePublished":"2025-05-13T15:10:13+00:00","dateModified":"2026-04-23T18:24:01+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/"},"wordCount":2518,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp","keywords":["The Let Them Theory"],"articleSection":["Psychology","Relationships","Self-Improvement"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/","name":"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process - Shortform Books","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp","datePublished":"2025-05-13T15:10:13+00:00","dateModified":"2026-04-23T18:24:01+00:00","description":"The Let Them Theory lets you focus on what you can control: yourself and your own responses. Learn how to use the Let Them Theory here.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp","width":1456,"height":816,"caption":"A person walking away using the Let Them Theory against a pink background"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-use-the-let-them-theory\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to Use the Let Them Theory: The 2-Step Process"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","name":"Shortform Books","description":"The World's Best Book Summaries","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization","name":"Shortform Books","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","width":500,"height":74,"caption":"Shortform Books"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937","name":"Katie Doll","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Katie Doll"},"description":"Somehow, Katie was able to pull off her childhood dream of creating a career around books after graduating with a degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. Her preferred genre of books has changed drastically over the years, from fantasy\/dystopian young-adult to moving novels and non-fiction books on the human experience. Katie especially enjoys reading and writing about all things television, good and bad.","knowsAbout":["Bachelor of Arts in English With a Concentration in Creative Writing"],"jobTitle":"Senior SEO Writer","worksFor":"Shortform","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/katie\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/person-walking-away.webp","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144042","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=144042"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144042\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":148353,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144042\/revisions\/148353"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/144486"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=144042"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=144042"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=144042"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}