{"id":143126,"date":"2025-04-16T12:49:04","date_gmt":"2025-04-16T16:49:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=143126"},"modified":"2025-04-22T13:44:55","modified_gmt":"2025-04-22T17:44:55","slug":"how-to-say-no-to-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you a people pleaser who has to say “yes” to everything? When is the right time to say “no” to someone?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s important to carefully choose your commitments. To help you do so, Free to Focus<\/em> by Michael Hyatt offers some advice on how to effectively (but politely) turn people down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check out how to say no to people in the nicest way possible, without giving in to people-pleasing habits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Turning People Down<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First of all, to say “no” to people, remember that your time and energy are finite, and decide who you\u2019re willing to spend those limited resources on. <\/strong>These are most likely people such as your family, your boss, your friends, and so on. Making these distinctions helps you feel ready to protect your productivity by saying no<\/a> if someone who isn\u2019t on your list of important people tries to request your time and attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Second, recognize that you can (usually) reject a request without causing any serious resentment or hurt feelings. <\/strong>Hyatt says that you can do so simply by setting your refusal in the proper context. When turning someone down, it\u2019s usually best to start by making it clear that you listened to their request and gave it due consideration. Next, clearly and firmly decline the request. Finally, offer an alternative solution if possible. Now the other person understands that you heard them out, and you do want to help, but their request just wasn\u2019t feasible for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In many cases, the fear of upsetting someone else by turning down a request is overblown. As psychologist Matthew Boland writes, most people will be understanding, rather than angry or disappointed. If saying no is something you find difficult to do, they may even be pleased<\/a> that you\u2019re taking care of yourself by putting your own needs first. Conversely, those who do <\/em>get upset over being rejected were probably trying to manipulate or exploit you in some way\u2014they\u2019re only angry because they consider themselves more important than you, and they expected you to do the same.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What if Saying \u201cNo\u201d Feels Impossible?<\/strong>

Psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don\u2019t Do,<\/em><\/a> writes that some people have a very hard time turning others down. People like this are commonly known as \u201cpeople-pleasers,\u201d and their fear of saying no usually comes from a lack of self-esteem<\/a>.

Such people feel the need to be accepted and liked because they get their sense of self-worth<\/a> from other <\/em>people. As a result, the thought of disappointing someone else\u2014in this case, by telling them no\u2014causes intense anxiety for the people-pleaser. In extreme cases, this can lead to burnout and self-destructive behavior because they continually place other people\u2019s wants above their own needs.

Morin recommends breaking out of people-pleasing habits by starting small. For instance:

Say \u201cno\u201d to something relatively unimportant, like a project that you know someone else can handle, or a dinner date you don\u2019t want to go to.

Give your honest opinion about something simple, like a popular movie you didn\u2019t care for.

Stand up for something you believe in. While this is more consequential than the other options, you\u2019ll likely find that having the \u201ccourage of your convictions\u201d makes it easier to break through your anxiety. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you a people pleaser who has to say “yes” to everything? When is the right time to say “no” to someone? It’s important to carefully choose your commitments. To help you do so, Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt offers some advice on how to effectively (but politely) turn people down.  Check out how to say no to people in the nicest way possible, without giving in to people-pleasing habits.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":143665,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[1766],"class_list":["post-143126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-free-to-focus","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Turning people down is difficult when you want to make everyone happy. Discover how to say "no" to people when it's absolutely necessary.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Turning people down is difficult when you want to make everyone happy. Discover how to say "no" to people when it's absolutely necessary.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-04-16T16:49:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-04-22T17:44:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1100\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"616\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Katie Doll\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\"},\"headline\":\"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-04-16T16:49:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-04-22T17:44:55+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\"},\"wordCount\":568,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp\",\"keywords\":[\"Free to Focus\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Communication\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\",\"name\":\"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-04-16T16:49:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-04-22T17:44:55+00:00\",\"description\":\"Turning people down is difficult when you want to make everyone happy. Discover how to say \\\"no\\\" to people when it's absolutely necessary.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp\",\"width\":1100,\"height\":616,\"caption\":\"A woman saying no to a man in front of a colorful background\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"description\":\"The World's Best Book Summaries\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"width\":500,\"height\":74,\"caption\":\"Shortform Books\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937\",\"name\":\"Katie Doll\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Katie Doll\"},\"description\":\"Somehow, Katie was able to pull off her childhood dream of creating a career around books after graduating with a degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. Her preferred genre of books has changed drastically over the years, from fantasy\/dystopian young-adult to moving novels and non-fiction books on the human experience. Katie especially enjoys reading and writing about all things television, good and bad.\",\"knowsAbout\":[\"Bachelor of Arts in English With a Concentration in Creative Writing\"],\"jobTitle\":\"Senior SEO Writer\",\"worksFor\":\"Shortform\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/katie\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings - Shortform Books","description":"Turning people down is difficult when you want to make everyone happy. Discover how to say \"no\" to people when it's absolutely necessary.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings","og_description":"Turning people down is difficult when you want to make everyone happy. Discover how to say \"no\" to people when it's absolutely necessary.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/","og_site_name":"Shortform Books","article_published_time":"2025-04-16T16:49:04+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-04-22T17:44:55+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1100,"height":616,"url":"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp","type":"image\/webp"}],"author":"Katie Doll","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Katie Doll","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/"},"author":{"name":"Katie Doll","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937"},"headline":"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings","datePublished":"2025-04-16T16:49:04+00:00","dateModified":"2025-04-22T17:44:55+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/"},"wordCount":568,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp","keywords":["Free to Focus"],"articleSection":["Communication","Self-Improvement"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/","name":"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings - Shortform Books","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp","datePublished":"2025-04-16T16:49:04+00:00","dateModified":"2025-04-22T17:44:55+00:00","description":"Turning people down is difficult when you want to make everyone happy. Discover how to say \"no\" to people when it's absolutely necessary.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp","width":1100,"height":616,"caption":"A woman saying no to a man in front of a colorful background"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to Say No to People Without Hurting Their Feelings"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","name":"Shortform Books","description":"The World's Best Book Summaries","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization","name":"Shortform Books","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","width":500,"height":74,"caption":"Shortform Books"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/c3e1b539e89423b544ede91ab2bff937","name":"Katie Doll","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6239731a3fc739640b80be30f2b1727a055d3535d0ee4569e8282faa323e47fc?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Katie Doll"},"description":"Somehow, Katie was able to pull off her childhood dream of creating a career around books after graduating with a degree in English and a concentration in Creative Writing. Her preferred genre of books has changed drastically over the years, from fantasy\/dystopian young-adult to moving novels and non-fiction books on the human experience. Katie especially enjoys reading and writing about all things television, good and bad.","knowsAbout":["Bachelor of Arts in English With a Concentration in Creative Writing"],"jobTitle":"Senior SEO Writer","worksFor":"Shortform","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/katie\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/saying-no-to-people.webp","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143126","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/14"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=143126"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143126\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":144079,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/143126\/revisions\/144079"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/143665"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=143126"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=143126"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=143126"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}